/md/ - Murder Drones

>OP
Don't do that, don't give me hope, I will never have a Kraut wife drone that's lazy, narcissistic and can't cook (She loves me and shares some of my interests, that is all I need)

>>330758
>born too early for a tiny hagbot wife

>>330758

Repostan for those that don't hang around near the end of threads.
>>330706
As long as you don't try to harm N or Tessa or even J (only sometimes), you should be fine.
>>330709
Fun fact. Cyn doesn't exist in this continuity, or at least Tessa never met her. It's just the mansion quartet.

>>330767

Fuck I don’t want a human gf. I want a robot buddy.

>>330779
Man fuck you, I already spent my Liam Gosling allowance for the thread

>>330782
I will put Y's core back into a WD body to avoid that, even though she is not a BPDemon

>>330782
>All drones want human men.
>All drones are dangerous and will pounce on you the moment your guard is down
>They look harmless but that’s just to disarm you

Reposting every link to the Princess Keeter saga so far:
>>245992
>>247153
>>247453
>>247454
>>247458
>>247799
>>247814
>>248311
>>249448
>>251666
New installment soon.

>>330783

>Not as cool as the big blues
>When they were so awesome they inspired the blues in the first place

>>330786
They get you when you least expect it

>>330791

>>330786

Yes, but not all pouncings are lethal. That is a DD exclusive problem. Hence why those nightmares can only ever manage long term relationships with those that can regenerate.

>>330777
How badly do you want a bot, anon? And how much will you sacrifice to keep one?

>>330796
>Terminators, more specifically t-800s, are the only cool android. Change my mind.

>>330794

>>330798
J0y’s cute. We both find the solver annoying, shame some poor labor bot has to suffer for her to manifest.

Man, I need to redo my conditioning to be able to write greentexts better, time to lock myself in my room for 72 hours and do nothing but binge the show and goon to on model drones

>>330790
I think her appearance has something to do with her dinosaur fixation. As she metamorphosed from a horrible little tadpole thing to a mostly humanoid shape, she may have been influenced by the dinosaur toys she played with.

E is cute and she puts a smile on my face.

>>330801

Well is dosen't ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 to be a laborbot right anon? Just like drones don't ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 to have all those firewalls. Sentinel drones especially, if you please. You wanted to give her something a little more 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗲𝗻𝘁 didn't you?

>>330808
Great minds think alike anon. And since K-gamma is a phoenix sentinel we aren’t really killing anyone by overwriting her with J0y. I’m sure they have her backups somewhere.

>>330813
Also drones in this timeline look more like Armageddon's interpretation

>>330758
Marcyyyy!

>>330817
I mean it's canon in this timeline that Uzi gave J great big heaving jits in order to humiliate her

>>330806
How about an S or R instead

>>330840
Any others? Besides it being an objectively superior assimilator and toy owner of course.

>>330847
>Variety as a virtue

You don't need a billion different tools if a hammer works anon. And if instead of a hammer you have a swiss army knife? Say, one that cna have any tool they want at their literal fingertips? I don't see why you should be thought less of for using that instead of custom-building a unique monster for every problem.

On another note, keep in mind that Cyn implicitly mixed it up a few times herself. Between using Solverpedes, witches, DDs and, most implicitly varied of all, the zombiedrones with directed flesh mutations, she was clearly able to experiment when she felt like it. She just never NEEDED to experiment, because first her DDs and then she herself were so perfect and superior they simply crushed all Humanity could muster

>>330844
>J0y assumes JCJ products are so inestimably superior they can literally break the fabric of space and timer

Based and J-pilled

Why buy a bed when you can buy drones?

I do wonder how Edith would perceive J0y, and vice versa.
J0y wouldn't be able to harm her since 90% of her computing power is biological in nature.
Edith would probably be thrilled to research an anomalous virus such as her and brainstorm potential applications she could have for Federal interests.
That, of course, wouldn't dictate how they'd actually view each other personally.

How many drones is "too much"? I may need some advice.

>J eating salad to stay fit
>she jobs and somehow gets chubby

>>330881
>All Lizzys
>All DDs

Any amount is fine if you're a John-tier superhuman/psychotic or else a Sentinel. If you fit neither of those descriptions then even a cheer team of one will take flight towards the area's biggest bodycpunt and not stop until death or clang. Don't ask me how I know this.

Which one do you mouthfuck and which one do you marry?

>>330889
Body count as in "has caused the most deaths within a 24 hour period" you идио. If you want to keep them around you need to prove you can carry out gratuitous levels of violence and sadism at a moment's notice. Levels greater than they themselves can inflict as Sky Demons for a matter of fact. Psychosis without the capacity for destruction does nothing for them: I've seen it. In other news ignore the picture, I cannot stop posting it.

>>330775
Cool guys, I like them and I'm thinking of writing something about them, but university and work are really eating up all my time and desire.

>>330919
>if you don't like my parasitic self-insert and his trans GF you must be tomoe

>"That was a pretty shit superbowl" Izu thinks

>>330787
A little prologue before the real meat of the story:

>You are Akita Doorman, the princess of Copper-9, daughter of the absolute solver, and an absolute freak
>That is no small feat, considering the standards of your family
>Most of your kin were organic to some degree
>Your mother was a goddess made flesh
>Your father and older brother are vampiric angels (or angelic vampires?)
>Your older sister is a chitinous facsimile of a worker drone
>Your twin brother is a normal worker drone by all accounts, as is your little sister, though your mother believes her to be clairvoyant
>One would believe you could never feel shame with such a family, but they could never know what it is that makes you feel like a freak
>You haven't the might of Mac and Beretta, nor the looks of Colt and Negev
>You received the worst of both possible words, being a weak and frail creature without the shell of a normal drone
>Father told you sometimes that you almost look like a purple human, and he never meant any offense
>That was just his clumsy way of trying to make you feel better
>Recent events only made those words sting harder
>You think of that word: almost
>For the men of Trappist-E, almost clearly wasn't enough
>Like all drones, you were taught the history robotics, and one of your most important lessons was the theory of the uncanny valley
>Humans are frightened by things that look almost like them, but fall short
>Your expectations for your visit were low, but as soon as you caught that boy staring at you, you knew how horrible things would be
>It weighed on you for the next two weeks, and still weighs on you now
>Your shuttle is preparing to jump to hyperspace, and J tells you to get in your cryo-pod
>Even with her organic parts, voluptuous as they are, she's an ageless immortal machine at her core, so she doesn't need to freeze herself for interstellar journeys
>You on the other hand, are fully organic, and not loving one second of it
>As you slither into the pod, you think of the last thing that happened on Trappist-E
>What that boy said to you
>Was he trying to cheer you up, or was he sincere?
>The former is odd for a human to say, but really no different from what your relatives say to you
>The latter makes you shudder
>A human who somehow found you beautiful could only ever be an absolute freak

>>330933
And Now, Our Feature Presentation

>Weeks pass and your shuttle arrives in the Copper system, so J thaws you out of your pod
>Copper 9 is but a few hours away, giving you just enough time to eat, give yourself a sponge bath, and comb your hair
>You wish you could travel on a ship as large as mom's, having more room for amenities like a wardrobe, bathtub, and full-sized galley
>She insists that her ship is no pleasure yacht, but simply the only hunk of junk in the galaxy that can fit her entire body
>You still imagine all the ways a ship of that size could be made into something more comfortable than this crappy shuttle
>You strap yourself in and the shuttle begins reentry
>The shuttle touches down on the runway, and in the distance, you see the familiar sight of the imperial palace
>A massive floating rock, with a flat top, upon which are set four towers
>A large tower sits in the middle of a triskelion, with three smaller towers set among the spiral arms
>A retinue of DDs pull up to the shuttle as you disembark
>SD-Þ skitters out of a fuel truck and stumbles as she almost drops the pump
"Oi, Keeta! Nice trip, love?"
>You force out a smile and a pathetically fake chuckle
"Heh, yeah. Can't wait to go again!"
>You knew instantly you would regret saying that
>She's gonna tell mom, and mom's gonna believe it
>God help you
>You and J spread your wings and take off for the palace, landing in the garden wing
>When you step through the doorway, you hear rapid footsteps sprinting down the hall
"AKITA!"
>Negev makes a running leap into your arms
>Somehow she always knows where to find you
>You pick her up and squeeze her tight, bringing the first real smile to your face today
>She's too young to have expectations of what you should be, and she's only ever known you to be what you are
>You hope she stays that way forever

>>330940

>>330944
That's Grand theft auto San Andreas

>>330927

>>330939
>You hoist Negev to eye level and she says
"How was the trip? I wanna hear all about it! Did you do anything cool? Did you meet any cool people?"
>You rustle her hair and tell her
"You'll hear all about it when I tell mom, alright?"
>Negev pouts and says
"Oh, you're just like Beretta."
>You think to when you were her age, and you assaulted Beretta with all those annoying questions after her visits
>A thought hits you and you say
"Well I can tell you now, it didn't go like I thought it would."
>Negev's eyes widen with excitement and anticipation
>Before she can say anything, you tell her
"We're almost there. You'll hear the full story soon."
>You set Negev down and she bolts off to the throne room
>Speak of the devil, and she appears
>Beretta steps out from around the corner
>Her hair is tied into a long braided ponytail, and she's wearing that slutty gold bikini
>Her arms are folded, and she has that smirk you hate
>The smirk that says she knows more than you want her to know
>You grimace, groan, and say
"C'mon, not now."
>Beretta's face turns more serious
>She places a hand on your shoulder and says
"Normally I'd let you go, until I heard that last part."
>Oh, here we go
>You know you're not getting out of here until you tell her something
>On the bright side, telling her might be easier than telling mom
>You take a deep breath and sigh
>All you can manage to say is
"I-"
>Beretta takes a more reassuring tone when she says
"We've got time. Mom's lost in one of her chinese storybook games. Even the short version will do."

>>330951
>Having no other recourse, you gulp and say
"Well, they stared at me."
>Beretta is a little incensed, but not surprised
>She says to you
"Is that what you didn't expect?"
>She tilts her head and says
"That's not it."
>It's impossible to hide how embarassed you feel right now as you say
"Well, no, it isn't just the staring. It's- The way he stared-"
>Beretta's widen and she says
"He?"
>Your gaze shifts about and you can't make eye contact
>It's even harder to speak now and you say
"When our shuttle landed, we were greeted by a bunch of cadets. Army boys. And-"
>You glance at Beretta and see a grin creeping across her face
>What the hell is she smiling about?
>You force yourself to continue
"One of those boys couldn't stop staring at me-"
>Tears are welling up, and one look at your sister's face sends you over the edge
>You shout
"WHAT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY?!"
>Beretta stifles laughter, looks aside and says
"Mac. Pay up."
>Mac steps out, holding an envelope and says
"You don't know that. She still has to read it first."
>You stamp your foot and shout again
"READ WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!"
>Mac grins ear-to-ear and says
"The Boxon freighter stopped by before you got here."
>He holds out the envelope
>In a sing-song unison, Mac and Beretta say
"It's for yoooooooouuuuuu..."

>>330963
>How the hell is Boxon bulk freighter faster than a JCJensen shuttle?
>Your hands tremble as you take the envelope
>Dear God, it really does have your name on it
>It has the seal of the Trappist army corps
>The stamp even looks like the flag of that base
>Your breath is ragged
>Gently, you take a claw to the envelope
>You unfold the letter
>It's from "The Anointed 'Anon' Yancy Mous"
>What kind of stupid name is that?
>It's him
>You can't do this
>Not in front of them
>You pull the letter to your chest and fly off to the top of the gold tower
>You just barely hear Beretta say "Let her go" to Mac
>Now's your only chance to read this in peace and rip the band-aid
To the Exalted Princess Akita Doorman, scion of the Absolute Solver:
>Even J can't stand these formalities anymore
I'm not sure if you remember me.
>Oh, you definitely remember him
I never really got the chance to say I'm sorry.
>He could have just ended it here and you'd try to put it behind you, but there's a lot more
There's no excuse for what I did, but I think it would help if I told you why.
>You know what he did
>He looked at you like all the others
>He already said he was sorry, what more could he say now?
I had no idea how to act when I saw you for the first time. I'd never seen anything like you before.
>Anything, he says, not anyone
>What a jackass
When I saw you, I thought I was scared, but if I were just scared I'd look away.
>What
>Now you're scared to continue
I couldn't stop thinking about you the whole time you were on our world.
>There's so much to that line
>Did your face traumatize him?
>Is he some kind of obsessed creep?
>Or is someone really thinking of you in that way?
All day and night, I saw your face.
>You just know if Beretta were reading this, she'd be calling him a regular Anakin Skywalker
>Wait
>Oh no

>>330967
>No, this is not happening
>You're not even done with this letter and you don't wanna keep reading
When we met again in the limo, and I said I like the way you look, I wasn't lying.
>Could he be a bigger dork?
>No, now is not the time to be thinking like that
>You've got to finish this letter
You really are beautiful.
>You recoil and you almost throw the letter on the ground
>You read the line again with ragged breath
>You did not misread it
I should have told you that sooner. Not even in the limo, but when you stepped out of your ship.
>Holy shit, that is cheesy
>But, if he really means that
>The tears are welling up again
>You're going to finish this, now
I really am sorry for how I made you feel. All the other cadets called you a demon, but I know now you're really an angel.
>You can't tell anyone about this
>Not Beretta, not Mac, not Mom, not Dad
>You nearly jump out of your skin when you hear Beretta say
"See, I told you so. Now pay up."
>You shriek and find her clinging to the side of the tower with Mac
>Words won't come to you
>You just start screaming and banging your fists against her chest while she pulls you in
>Your face is now buried in her shoulder, tears running off her carapace
>When you look up at Beretta's face, eyes still wet and still sniffling, she says
"You've taken your first step into a larger world."

>>330969
Epilogue: Anon's perspectve

>It's barely even been two weeks since you sent that letter
>The end of your first year is coming up, and that means the initiation is coming
>They'll be screening for boxmarine candidates as well
>Dad will be there, and Uncle Eno's already here with the other boxmarines
>In fact, the commandant said he wanted to see you
>Word spread of your incident like a horrible weed
>You're the laughing stock of your entire unit
>So naturally, Eno knows what you did as well
>You're sure Dad's gonna disown you when he finds out
>Once again, you march to the Commandant's office
>No one ever goes in there without a sense of dread
>There they are, the two men you wanted to see least in the world, not counting Dad
>As soon as you enter, the Commandant immediately stands up and says
"This is a family matter. My involvement ends here."
>And so he left the room
>The click of the door's latch practically made your skull rattle
>Your uncle, the hulking mountain of a man, stood by the window
>He turned to look at you, and his face always seemed so tired
>You want to get this over with, so you try to take initiative and say
"I take it you're here because of-"
>He cut you off
"Yes, I am."
>You try your best to stand straight as you shrink inside
>He steps forward and says
"I read your letter."
>You can't stop yourself from saying
"No."
>He sighs and says
"Sit down."
>You comply
>Now you're breaking into a cold sweat
>There's a subtle change in his face
>He looks tired as ever, but now there's a bit of wistfulness beginning to show, and he says
"Your father never wanted me to tell you this, for fear I'd put some bad ideas in your head. Recent events have convinced me that I have no choice now."
>He kneels down, roughly at eye level with you, as no chair in this room could bear his weight, and says
"Let me tell you about a girl named Therese."

>>330971
The story of Eno R. Mous and "Therese" coming tomorrow.