/baw/ - General Discussion

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Speak Your Mind: Tiny Foxtato Believes in You EditionAnonymous
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Old thread is not bumping anymore.
Hey Stone
I really really need a shag. God damn.
I don't enjoy sex

And I've only had actual full-on sex with girls at the massage parlor

Who to be fair were all attractive and friendly

Though this all might be because I ended up leaving it until I was in my late twenties and all those years of masturbation messed things up

Anyway if God intended for you to have sex he would not have invented pornography or given you hands
>I ended up leaving it until I was in my late twenties
Wait, you waited that long, and then gave in?? Right when you were about to become a wizard???
Smh tbh fam
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I agree, I prefer Yugioh if I'm honest
Mister Twister
Joke's on you, I'm
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Workin’ on a sprite that, when it’s done, will represent my version of the center of a hexafusion.

Which characters I’m fusing will remain a mystery until I’m done. :3
>Anyway if God intended for you to have sex he would not have invented pornography or given you hands
>mfw im a war vet with no pension to pay internet with and no limbs and served 10 tours in 'nam

But hey, do tell about the massage parlor. That sounds like a story.
Its a pretty straightforward transaction, give money - receive sex, although technically its more like pay door charge - receive sex - pay girl. And while its all technically illegal the parlors are an open-secret from the bottom to the top, the one I went to being an upmarket example so no risk of being robbed or shanked or busted by an undercover sting operation.
Man, I wanted a story...
You know, what it was like, what lead you to it, how you felt I suppose.

But I guess its not something too many people will openly talk about so I understand. But truth be told, I don't think I've met anyone who's ever partaken in a pay service like that so frankly, I'm very curious.
The thing is I can barely even recall the specific circumstances. After hearing about the parlors it had been kicking about the back of my mind for a long time then while I felt pleased with my self afterwards nothing about it had been earth-shattering, since as I said sex hasn't ever been that amazing for me. The first girl's name was Kirsty if that helps.

Exchanging money for sex is just like any other professional providing a service, no reason to avoid plain speech when speaking of it.
It was a one in two chance. You know I'm not lying when I say you were my second guess.

Who other than you two would post a fox version of the classic potato image?
Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM

I would’ve posted the potato version. Or, y’know, something else.
Not him, but Ive done the same thing. When I'm home from work I can type it up if you want.

I only got a handy at the massage parlor, but I did lose my v-card in an actual whorehouse, so.
Sure, that'd be interesting to read.
Alright. Word of warning this is gonna be fucking long.

Guess the best place to start is the whorehouse. It was a place a brief drive from Las Vegas, though I didn't drive from there. I drove from near where I live, which I won't disclose, but is not too far outside of Nevada. Prostitution is legal in the state of Nevada, but only in certain counties (oddly enough, it's not legal in Vegas).

Anyway, this was basically my birthday present to myself, did it a few weeks before I turned 22. I had decided to spend my 21st year trying to better myself and really get out there and get a gf, and planned on using my next birthday as a 'deadline.' But even though I did work out more, get out more, and just generally got my shit more together, I never actually succeeded in getting a gf or even a date. So, having decided I was a hopeless case I drove to Nevada during a time nobody would know I was gone, which was a window of a few days. It was actually a pretty enjoyable drive, as I had ac and plenty of music. At a certain point the gps (id gotten the address online and verified by calling) led me onto a dirt path, which eventually widened out into just...desert. Rocks, bushes, all that stuff. But that was the 'road' to get there so I kept driving, this would have been past 11pm at the earliest. It was a really rough ride from that point on (I literally bounced like half a foot off of my seat a few times just from the random sudden declines and rocks) And I kept wondering if my car was going to break down and I'd have to call someone out there, and explain what exactly I was doing. I was following the gps pretty blindly here, as even with he lights on it was so dark I couldn't see more than maybe 30-40 feet ahead. But fuck it, I wanted to get laid.

I almost ran over a rabbit, which was pretty scary. Fucker just ran out right in front of my car.

Anyway, much to my relief I eventually got there after about two hours of the above. It had actually been more thrilling than scary and I enjoyed the last stretch of the drive a lot, it sort of felt like an adventure. The building stood totally alone, though you could see the Vegas lights off in the distance, pavement stretching from there to the building, and about ten feet past the building in the direction I came from.

I sat nervously in my car for a while, maybe 20 minutes. At some point I saw a car drive up coming from the city, and a beautiful woman stepped out and went inside. After a few more minutes I walked up and ring the doorbell. Shortly a very old woman answered the door. I forget exactly what she had asked me, but I think t was mostly security questions (do you have any concealed weapons, where have you come from, etc.). I was eventually let in and sat in the waiting room, which was a pretty large foyer. She returned and asked me what I was looking for, if it was my first time and if I'd like to take the tour or sit in the bar. I forget if I sat in the bar first, but a woman either talked to me in there or walked out and talked to me in the lobby, and offered a tour. So I said yes.

She basically led me down a hall with a bunch of doors, showing me the basic rooms and some of the specialty rooms (s&m room with chains, hot tub room, etc.). She then asked if I'd like to have a room with her or if I'd like to go to the bar and meet other girls as well, and I decided the latter which she looked sort of miffed at. She said tips for tours aren't necessary but are appreciated, so I gave her a twenty. I remember she looked at it like it was nothing and rolled her eyes as she took it, and I got the impression she felt I had wasted her time.

I didn't feel guilty.

At the bar I had a beer while a few woman sat down to talk to me, I believe I was the only guy there at the time (or at least the only one who wasn't in a room already, I'd heard a moan during the tour). One of them asked what kind of women I like, blondes or brunettes, and I was in the mood for a brunette so I said that, and immediately followed with a "no offense" since she was blonde. She laughed and smiled and said it was perfectly fine, that they have women for all tastes and that everybody likes different things. So she asked if I'd like to have all the available girls lineup for me and I said yes. She had me sit in the foyer again while all the girls got ready. After, I don't know, five minutes about twenty women came out and stood to the side of the room wearing nothing but underwear. The old woman, who seemed to be in charge of the place based on the way everyone acted towards her, introduced them one at a time and had them form a line so I could see all of them side by side.

I'd done my research before all of this, both to be prepared and to make sure what I was doing was morally acceptable by my own standards (visiting a legal brothel makes it very unlikely you're paying money to human traffickers or having sex with women who don't choose to be prostitutes, as they're pretty heavily regulated). Some advice is gotten for this part was to only remember the name of one girl at a time, the one who most stood out to you up to that point. I followed this advice and chose a very beautiful woman with black hair and dark skin. I don't know what ethnicity, probably some island race. She had a nice ass and I'd say C cup breasts. She looked like she was in her early twenties.

This is getting long so I'm gonna take a short break before writing up the rest. Sorry if this is more than you asked for, ha.
She led me to one of the standard rooms, which was a bedroom and a connected bathroom with a shower. It looked a lot like a hotel room, but smelled like nice perfume instead of cheap hotel smell. She asked me to take a quick shower and then we discussed activities/rates.

I lied and said that I wasn't a virgin, because I thought if I seemed less desperate she wouldn't charge as much. I did say that I was inexperienced and mostly wanted to learn what I was doing when it came to sex. She said they have a basic package (she didn't phrase it that way) for beginners, and I chose that. I'd tried to get an approximation about rates and stuff before coming, but I'd been told that it varies per woman and that they don't give a price til they meet you. This might be true, but they also tell you they charge by activity, not time, which is a boldfaced fucking lie. There's a time limit and it's based on how much you pay. I don't know if it's cheaper if you only want oral/foreplay, but based on stories I've seen online there's a standard flat rate of $400 for thirty minutes if you actually want to fuck.

Skip the rest of the spoilers if you don't want the dirty details. I got lessons fingering her and playing with her tits, which was great. I tried a few different things and asked her how they felt, and listened to her advice and tried her suggestions. I ended up deciding to skip the bj because I wanted to get straight to fucking at that point. I've still never actually had a bj. For the amount I'd paid I was allowed two positions, and I chose missionary and doggy. I still feel like that's a ridiculous rule but at least I was allowed to switch back and forth between them. I've heard people say guys always try extremely hard their first time, and that was true for me. I was going at her hard enough for things to be shaking on the walls, I heard them even over the loud creaking of the bed (which is such a great sound). The headrest was hitting the wall so hard that at one point an upright dildo on a nearby desk fell over from all the shaking. At first, she had obviously been faking her moans, but by this point she really seemed to be enjoying it.

As the thirty minutes came to a close a phone next to the bed rang, she answered while I was still fucking her and said we were almost done. They called again two minutes later, and she quickly picked up, said almost done, and hanged it back up. After another few minutes they called again, and she picked up and angrily yelled into it that we were nearly done before slamming the phone back. I still remember the 'pinch' from when she came and how great it felt to feel her legs convulse. I Know it's standard procedure to fake an orgasm with a client, but I'm certainI gave her a genuinely great orgasm. It was a fucking amazing experience.

She wasn't able to make me cum though. Or rather, I wasn't able to. Even after she came and said our time was up, and tried to give me a handjob just to finish me off, I wasn't able to. Which is weird, I didn't feel bad at all about what was happening. At least consciously? I think it's mostly in kind of a rough masturbator so J just don't cum unless I get a lot of stimulation, and the 30 minutes hadn't been enough since we'd started out with just practicing foreplay. I remember she looked really angry when she was jacking me off, and I think she was upset she couldn't make me cum. Like t hurt her pride. After a while she said we couldn't keep extending the time and that was that.

I was given a free hotel room for the night in a seperate area of the grounds. A security guard led me outside and to my room. The 'backyard' of the building was a walled in area bigger than the building itself. There was grass and lush plants everywhere, completely different from the outside. You could still see the desert hills and mountains over the wall though. They had done a very good job of crafting this place to look like an oasis, and that's what it felt like.

The security guard was ridiculously built. Like, the kind of muscle that doesn't even look like muscle even more, but like you have stiff bubbles going up and down your arms. He looked like benching 600 pounds would a warm up for him. He was also incredibly shy and timid, and had been very politely asking me if I was enjoying my stay there so far. He didn't make much eye contact and mostly looked at the ground. I don't think he was acting, if he was he was better and more natural than most actors on tv. But you could tell he could throw, literally throw, anyone out the door the second they made trouble. I have never seen anyone who looked as strong as him, even professional bodybuilders.

Anyway, I went to my room, jacked off, and fell asleep. It might sound like a disappointing end but I felt extremely happy. I knew what sex was like! It hadn't been with a person I knew well or loved or anything, but I knew what sex felt like! The great mystery was solved!!! I'd spent so many years wondering and now I finally knew, and it was this huuuuge weight off of my shoulders.

I somehow woke up after like five or six hours of sleep, and did something I hadn't planned on, which was spend the morning in another room with another woman. This cost another $400, and I still can't believe I went through two month's pay in less than 24 hours, but I did. This time we just went straight to sex and I was able to finish. When I asked her if she had any advice after, she said that foreplay is extremely important and I'd need to spend time on that if I was ever with a woman.

We talked as we walked down the hallway to the foyer. I'd found out all the women had to be waken up for my lineup that morning, and she poorly hid a passive aggressive comment about that by laughing about it. The girl from the previous night had been in that lineup as well. I assumed at the time she would understand me picking a different girl just for the sake of variety and having sex with two women instead of one. I sort of feel guilty about it now though, like maybe I was picking someone else because she had 'failed.' But maybe it's best not to feel too much about how she felt, I mean...I don't know.

Anyway, as the woman I'd just had sex with and I were walking down the hallway, she asked me why I was in Vegas, and not bothering to get into details I half lied and said I was in Vegas for my birthday. She guessed if I had just turned 18, and was surprised when I said 22, and she said I looked so young that she felt creepy having sex with me because I looked like a child. I looked at her and could see she immediately regretted saying that, and she changed the subject, but I don't remember to what.
I began the long drive home, washed the desert dirt off my car, and resumed normal life, albeit on a MUCH tighter budget for a while. I've never told anyone about any of this, which is probably why I've gone on for so damn long. When people ask how I lost my virginity I usually just tell them it was with some drunk girl at a party. But I think a lot of people lie about how/when they first had sex so I don't see that as too big of a deal, even if my reasons for lying are different than most. I felt fucking great immediately after and for the next few weeks. On occasion I feel bad about it, especially because if I do ever fall in love and have an actual relationship, I can never tell my SO about this, and Ive always treasured the idea of being in a relationship where you and the person you're with can be totally honest with each other. And I wonder if I sacrificed that by getting a hooker, but then I don't know if that kind of relationship really exists at all, for anyone. The funny thing is, the slight sense of shame I feel toward myself, the fear that one day someone I know will find out about this, and the thought of having sacrificed the possibility of ever having that ideal relationship, and just everything that comes along with all of this, all of that stuff, it doesn't hurt anywhere near as bad as being a virgin did. Not even close.

Ask questions if you want, or if you want me to say anything about the massage parlor I went to much later (I won't type a fucking novel for that one). Or about the horrible experience I had the one other, and last time I tried paying for sex.

I'm done for tonight though, and maybe for tomorrow. I wrote a lot more than I meant to - sorry about that.
That was a surprisingly great read, thanks. You really got me into your head, there.
Really appreciate the in-depthness of it. Yeah, honestly I did want this level of detail cus, like I said, never talked to anyone about this sort of thing.

I'd definitely be interested in hearing bout your other experiences. If other anons here are okay with that - feel free to object, I understand.
(Though, I'd be cool with reading a novel, tbh. This was better than half the schlock I read half the time... LOOKIN' AT YOU, DAVID BALDACCI.)
I'm reading too - definitely dig the detail and your recounting, anon so feel free to keep going by me.
This is absolutely new territory to me so I'm all ears. Eyes. Whatever.
400 dollarydoos for 30 minutes of screwing? Jesus Christ you Americans aren't fucking the girl, she's fucking you!
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Finished that fusion sprite I was workin’ on earlier this morning. Info is here: https://stephentstone.tumblr.com/post/141648454633/
Mister Twister
Twilight is the fucking best! It's very bright outside, and everything is still perfectly visible, but you can look absolutely everywhere, without risking seeing the sun and OWWW YOU FUCKING YELLOW CIRCLE OF PAIN YOU HURT MON VISAGE

>Twilight is the fucking best!
For a second there, I thought you were talking about //youtube.com/watch?v=S35c9igr32Myoutube thumb

Youtube URL plugin on +4 takes off the time skip. Start at 0:34
Alright. I won't type it up tonight or tomorrow but some point over the next few days I will. Think I should make another thread or just post it here?

Yeah it's ridiculous. The place I was seemed pretty upscale, but that's the price you pay for legality.
Just posting here's fine. I don't think there's much objection.
Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM

It's what the thread is here for, really.
If you can't tell if the animator/illustrator is a boobs or an ass person, they aren't doing their job right.

Or maybe they are doing their job right. I don't know.

Harry Partridge makes his preference very obvious though.
I'm of the opinion that unless you set out to make an intentionally sexy work, you really shouldn't let your horn get the better of you. No need to have all the ladies in bombastic pin uppy poses and outfits in a comic for kids or girls, for example.

Some people I've talked about this to think its obvious but its a trope I've come across very frequently.

Now, if you wanna make something provocative or give it some kinky elements, sure. Let yourself shine through.
I just listened to some music I made in Fruity Loops when I was 14 (protip: im not a musician) and while sure it didn't sound very good, it literally feels like needles are pricking into my arms, fingers and neck when I listen to it. Like, in a "go see a fucking doctor" painful way.

It does make me appreciate my newer, visual art a bit more though.
At what point does one stop "trying to make something good happen for once" and start Being Selfish?
Is it when you're hurting someone even if they don't know it?
Can't my happiness come first? For once?
holy fuck I think Ghost from TCR is back for real, not a scam parody
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I won't tonight (or any other fucking night, especially after >>405204) but nightwalking is the fucking best way to fly. Solo, double, three four or five. :`(
Also, good luck for exam week......

There is a difference between selfishness and self-preservation. If you are using "for once", I doubt it's the first.

I'm more concerned about how it seems other people's injury is directly proportional to your happiness. You're not a sadist, are you?
When I write huge walls of speculation about cartoons I like, it can feel like I'm eating from this big pan of speculation-fodder lasagna and not leaving enough slices for everyone else.
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>someone adds "LOL" at the end of a sentence for no reason
I feel like that as well AMIRITE?

But seriously, I have a friend who says "lawl" in full life conversation. It's a little bit annoying, yes.
I decided to give Morel Orel a shot.

Smoking crack by the third episode? Nice.
Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM

Just wait until you get to the third season.
Fuggin S1 Christmas finale tho.
not gonna lie, I kinda like some downer endings like in Stanley's Cup, but damn that one got me good.
Maturity is a great ep. Currently on S2E6
But what about that really embarassing thing you did back in high school?
Highschool was hell for me, I gave up on life around that time.
I don't have the fucking patience for anything right now. Everything is shitty and frustrating.
Darc Discordia !!VzpfrKjhXFf
Goddamn I haven't been here in ages. Always feels weird coming back to website you used to spend tons of time on.
Mister Twister
Close your eyes, and force yourself to not think of anything (even thinking about thinking) for 5 minutes.

There is no other way. Speaking from experience here.
Yo! It's pretty bad now. Like, worse than before.
I'm new enough not to know Discordia, but I know enough to agree.

Moments when you get lost in thought are beautiful things.
Oh jesus that is some mood whiplash. I was warned and I'm cool with it, but still, its not even half comedy anymore. Wow.

not an episode spoiler: I can't get over the fact that its the VA of Sandy Cheeks saying "Crack, Hooray!" and shit. Voice actors doing both adult and children shows are my odd interest.
Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM

Did you see “Alone” yet? Because that’s the episode what got the show cancelled—in spite of it being, in terms of tone, everything [adult swim] asked for.
Darc Discordia !!VzpfrKjhXFf
"Remember when /baw/ was good?"
"/baw/ was never good."
Yeah, I can see why. I know there's the whole chronology jumble but I can't see the significance of that episode. It was just dark drama.
Yeah but /baw/ didn't used to heavily feature Slowpoke heavily defending racism and misogyny or others openly engaging in such.

It just, ya know, occasionally got attacked by Russian spambots.
Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM

>I can't see the significance of that episode

Ms. Censordoll’s part of the episode set up a storyline for the remainder of Season Three that would’ve been much more in-depth had [as] not cancelled the show and cut the number of episodes down, and Nurse Bendy’s part of the episode was meant (in part) to be a setup for the events of "Dumb". So…characterization and worldbuilding, really.
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>occasionally got attacked by Russian spambots.
Are you talking about Mister Twister?
r e k t
>he takes politics thread seriously
>blames others for the downfall of plus4
Let's keep arguments concerning +/pol/ in +/pol/.
Got to the last episode.

You could tell it was truncated (especially with the fucking weird egg stuff) but the final half minute was what the series needed.

I've never been a fan of later seasons in any show
I have found it. The best tumblr evar.
Sure thing, harrassment enabler.
Time for Whorestory 2 Electric Boogaloo. Unnecessary detail abounds, but you guys seemed to like that last time so whatever.

This is the time I went to a massage parlor, which was about half a year after my trip to Nevada. I'd been in the area of the city a few weeks prior running an errand, and after doing so had decided to go into some random small restaurant to have lunch. It wasn't a chain or a place I'd ever heard of, and none of the employees seemed to know English but I just pointed at what I wanted from the menu. It was the kind of place you might drive by a million times but never really take notice of or see anyone go into. Just part of a row of random stores like laundromats or specialty places like window stores or an army surplus shop. It was Mexican, okay but a bit overpriced. While I was eating I looked across the street and saw a place with a sign outside saying "20 dollar foot message" and a sign in lights on the window saying "MASSAGE" and it just looked so shady. You just had to look at it to know intuitively it was a sketchy place. I knew I'd be back in the area in a few weeks and made a note of what street it was on so I'd be able to find it again.

So the time comes and I park my car at the meter, and I walk a few blocks down to where the place is. On my way there I saw a kinda fat guy who reminded me of my history teacher at the time, to the point I got a little scared and thought it was actually him at first, as if someone I knew seeing me in the area would give away what I was doing. He was wearing a pretty nice suit and he looked like he was in a hurry and didn't want to be looked at. There was a brief moment where we looked at each other and I felt like I knew he had just been to the massage parlor and he knew that I knew and he knew that I was going there.

I still believe I was right about that, but who knows whether or not I was just projecting or actually being intuitive.

Anyway, I walk in and this Chinese woman who looks about 50 stands up from behind the register and says hello in a heavy accent. She asks if I'm there for a massage and I say yes. I mention the sign outside and she says the deal on the foot massage is only for people who get a full body massage as well. So I say I'd like to get a full body message, which was 40 bucks. I'm led into the first room just down the short hall by the counter. I'm told to undress and wait on the massage table. I strip to my underwear, unsure if I should leave it on or not, I was still here only on suspicion after all. I set my clothes on top of a stool, making sure the pants with my belongings were on the bottom, pockets covered, so I'd be less likely to be pick pocketed while I was there.

I sit on the table when a different Chinese woman comes in, this one probably in her late thirties or early to mid forties. She points at my underwear and says "Off." So I took off my boxers, set them on the clothes pile and laid down on the table. She told me to flip so I did, and she started with a back/shoulder massage. I really don't remember too much about the massage but it was...okay? It didn't feel good, like she was pushing rather than rubbing. Sometimes she would just lift and then drop my arms and legs. But I know some massages aren't meant to feel good while you get them and are just meant to be good for you, so you don't get stiff later or something like that. I wasn't sure if I was getting a shitty massage or if Chinese massages are just focused more on the medical side. I think it was just a mediocre massage but I'm still not 100% sure.

Anyway, after enough time passes she has me flip over and starts massaging my front, going up my legs and to my stomach/chest before going back down. This whole time the lights were dimmed, and I think I remember some soft music playing, like the kind of music you might find if you just type "relaxing music" into a search engine, that kind of slow, pleasant but clearly amateur full-of-chimes kind of music. I think there was also incense, but it might have just been the smell of the massage oil she had been using, which smelled quite perfumey.

One thing that had been kind of stressing me during this whole time was that the parking meter was still running and would be out soon. I tried explaining this to her but she didn't speak enough English, so she got the other woman. While she was getting her I heard them talking loudly outside, like they were trying to figure out what was wrong on their own and were having some kind of miscommunication problem amongst themselves, for some reason. Eventually the older woman comes in and I try explaining to her about the meter. She doesn't get it either so she gets the other woman to come in too, and I'm trying to explain it to both of them. I eventually figured out the older woman knew what 'car' meant and we were able to figure it out from there. She offered to go pay for more time on the meter while I stayed to get the second part of my massage. So then I explained what my car looked like and where it was, which was another issue. I said I could just go pay for it but they seemed to not want me to leave. This all took like half an hour of communicating between languages.

Anyway, I lay back down and we get back to the massage. At some point she points to my dick and says "Sucka?" I say yes and she says "Forty dollar, okay?" and I say okay.

She starts giving me a handjob, and...well that's pretty much it, she was rubbing my dick for like five minutes. She starts saying "cum" or "hurry" or something like that after a while, so I try to hurry things along and eventually cum. Honestly it hadn't been great, I mean it was okay I guess and I knew what getting a handjob from someone besides myself was like now, but honestly it's not like she was great at it. Maybe I should've tried to explain what "sucka" actually meant but I just let her do her thing, since she clearly thought it meant handjob. (I've learned from reading online that this place actually only gives HJs, at least for the people who were reviewing the place in a forum post on some site I found dedicated to these kinds of places). She made this really telegraphed sounding "Ooh, very good" when I finished. She cleaned me up and I got ready to go.

When I got to the front desk I realized I owed $80 and only had like $50 or $60 on me. Yes I know I'm an idiot.
Anyway, I was able to pay for the massage with my card and used $40 in cash to pay for the 'tip' for getting the special massage. I was kinda worried about the payment so I almost paid an additional time with my card without realizing, but the older woman stopped me. She'd actually stopped me from paying them twice. Which I just think is crazy good customer service for that kind of place, I mean I really would've expected this sort of establishment to rip someone off the moment they get a chance but hey. Anyway, they talk with me by the counter a little bit, and eventually start saying how handsome I am, and the older one says she thinks I'll come back one day.

Anyway, the meter had been paid so there was no problem there. I drove home and took a shower so I wouldn't smell like cheap perfume. The oil had also left me feeling kind of sticky all over, not much but definitely enough that I wanted to bathe right away.

The drive home I mostly just thought about how surreal it was for such a place to exist in the city it did. It was sort of a revelation to me about how much goes on in normal, average cities and towns. Just the fact that places like these exist across the U.S. still sort of blows my mind. It makes me wonder how much more we don't see, how much different types of crime actually happen in totally pedestrian towns and cities where everything seems normal. How many of these little shops you always drive by and never see anyone visit are legit or are actually a front for something else.

Anyway, that's pretty much it. I had paid $80 for everything in the end. I haven't gone back. Don't know if I'll ever set foot in one of these kinds of places again, but I guess we'll see.

If people are still interested I'll type up the last story at some point in the next few days.
better. that thread was created to keep shit out of this thread
Definitely interesting, yeah. That actually sounds somewhat pleasant as a whole. But that could be just me, considering I'm rather contact-deprived. (I just got an advance for a thing that might go somewhere. Yes, yes, I'm quite lucky, but shutting oneself in an apartment to hammer it out isn't exactly a social activity.)

Honestly, if I could, I'd go for one of those, if anything just so I can just have a new experience.
>/aco/ thread
>find picture
>both girls' faces are very similar to ex-crush
Mister Twister
Nobody should take the politics thread seriously. It's all buzzwordbait.
Man, I'm not even gonna try that. I'm just gonna go out for a spa day - if I O from a hot stone treatment, man, so be it.
All this talk in the thread of paid sex makes me interested in hearing of a female perspective, as in a woman who paid for it not selling it as you might first assume. It seems a rarer circumstance sure but it must happen sometimes, be it either heterosexually and homosexually.
On the site of the brothel in the first story I put up each woman would write a description about herself, and one of the things they'd specify was if they would have sex with a woman. So there's a market for lesbians, though I have no idea how big it is. There was also mentions about 'couples', so I guess sometimes a man and woman go together if that counts.
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April Fool's is just the most cruel holiday. It's filled with false hopes and crushed dreams. And normal I stay away from the internet so that the lies and half-truths can be disseminated, but I've already been hit by Japan Time.
Jeez, it's just upvotes on 4chan. Don't take it seriously
That is only if you have 4chanX, which I do not have.
I have it but it's not working :/
I might have neutered it years ago when inline started working
Why the fuck can I not just listen to YouTube in the background while browsing the Internet on a mobile device?

Is this only an iPhone problem?
Nope. Android too. Its a problem to myself as well. I like listening to asmr videos when I go to sleep, but I can't just shut off the screen.
Mister Twister
>listening to YT
>not having a huge ass music collection of your very own
fuck off Twister
Mister Twister
I love you too.
>implying iDevices were ever made for music
moose ## Admin
Whoops. Happy April Fools, everyone!

(The joke was that I pretended to know what I was doing.)
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I'm just glad it's back. If it wasn't fixed in a week I was prepared to make a "/baw/ in exile" thread on +/co/.
It was better that way.
I went to page 1 (the second page), which showed up, and tried to post during the whiteout but got Internal Error. What a shame.

I liked it though. Good job Moose.
>musician is part of a group
>he posts a song on his own page, "free download"
>links to the group's "name your price" album
How do I interpret this: musician baiting us into paying for it, or convincing us not to pay?
Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM

If it’s an NYP album on Bandcamp, you can usually put "0" as the price and go straight to the download page.
Yes, it's one of those, but it seems to me as if the musician may be implicitly saying "don't pay for it".
Mister Twister
I believe you should always pay something. Even if that something is as small as one cent.
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Denmark has the best electronic power point sockets

Our Australian ones look like exaggerated asian people faces (no offence intended)
Well now I'm writing a sex worker comic thanks to your storydumps, anon.
Maybe something'll come of it.
will it be a comedy?
Mister Twister
Go Denmark?
It'll be lighthearted for sure, yeah. Ideally.
Who knows when Slipshine's gonna open up to applications, right?
None taken.
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I hate insomnia.
I only get it when I need sleep for an important occasion.
Honestly the idea of anything I wrote inspiring someone to do something is pretty fucking cool, so thanks for letting me know. When you finish I'd like to see what you made if you don't mind posting a link.

I'll probably post the third and final story sometime over the next few days. Though as a word of warning this one will be fairly depressing, so if you're trying to make something lighthearted you might want to skip it.
Sure thing. It's not exactly what you've written down yourself, but its made me consider the a brothel a good writing subject at least.

As the norm with writing, I'll do a story outline before anything else, so I could show you that before I work on anything else.
And I mean, no worries about the last story. Hell, my response to being exposed to sad stuff is usually make something upbeat in response!
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>walking my dog around
>she draws the attention of a neighbor dog, who gets excited and runs around her a bit
>neighbor walks up and talk about it
>says something about me not having friends
>I wonder why he would ask but say I do talk to people on the comptuer but it's not I can go anywhere
>He stops me and says he meant dog friends for my dog to hang out with
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>someone is only into a show/game/movie because it has their waifu/husbando
>they bright it up in online conversations constantly
>you decide to, what the heck, check the thing out
>it turns out quite alright, and to your liking

Has this ever happened to you?
I started Prequel out of curiosity because Katia kept getting shipped with my waifu.

Does anyone else have this thing where if you see a commercial/preview of a cartoon or comic, you assume the main characters are secondary characters?
Mister Twister
The last thing? Never.

Unrelated. To have a very warm cat take a nap on your lap, is a thing one must experience to understand.
>As the norm with writing, I'll do a story outline before anything else, so I could show you that before I work on anything else.

Actually, should we just make a /projects/ thread? I know there are other people here who like to write and draw. Having a little circle of constructive criticism and sharing progress on stuff we're all working on could be kind of nice.
Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM

Don’t we have /coc/ for that?
Yeah but /coc/ and /draw/ are both pretty dead. I just figured a thread here would be more active.
Or you could just make a thread on the board dedicated to it (so that it isn't dead) and tell people about it here.
Mister Twister
>if you post content on a dead board it will be less dead
This nigga is up to something.
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I know "Back to the Future" is a film trilogy made for entertainment purposes, but the small fallacies in it make me giggle. Especially in II where Old Biff travels back and forth in time to deliver the almanac and return the car, returning to the same timeline he left, but when Morty and Doc travel back they suddenly enter the alternate timeline (that Biff couldn't have travelled to) and Doc says they cant travel back forward or theyll stay in the alternate timeline.
Mister Twister
That can be easily handwaved by "Doc was wrong that one time".
>twenty more minutes left before I have to go to work
>not enough time to start doing something
>too much time to leave early
The worst kind of limbo.
welcome to 4chan-derivative
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>try to find .gif related by googling "Vietnam dog"
>just images of cooked dogs in marketplaces ready to buy and eat
Ugh, not something I wanted to see.
I was trying to find a children's song about a cowboy donkey and DuckDuckGo's first "page" of hits included two links to a guy fucking a donkey.

That's just the risk you run when you disable filtering, I guess.
Sure thing. With me though, I just didnt realise the possible misinterpretation of my query.

A while ago I tried to find an image of the skittles tag line "Taste the rainbow". Got pony porn.
And by the way, any cartoon character will likely bring up deviant deviantart content.
Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM
I swear, more people think I either died or dropped off the Internet than apparently know about my Tumblr or Twitter.
I saw you on twitter the other day! That was neat.

I'm starting to think of the current namefriends on +4 to be like teachers in a school. You don't expect to see them anywhere else.
Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM

>I have never had such a low opinion of you.

Oh, don’t worry. You’ll have an even lower opinion of me in time.
lol you missed
Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM

If I’d wanted that reply in that thread, I would’ve put it there.
You're a horrible liar dude, you lied in that thread, you're lying now. This shit is Jeb Bush level of pathetic.
Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM

Jeb? You’re gonna insult me by comparing me to a Bush, and you don’t even have the goddamned common courtesy to go full Dubya? Talk about pathetic…
I sincerely doubt that. Anything you do from here on out is just tacking some extra badges of deplorability, and serves to do nothing but enforce the idea that you deserve no amount of respect.
Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM

You say that as if I’ve ever deserved respect. Nobody respects me; I don’t even respect me.
Eh. Lying's not that bad.
Can we pretend those two are talking about MRA shit or something so they can get back to their thread?
Take it to the other thread if you feel the need to continue.

In other news, I am now allowed to enter relaxation mode. Feels good, but it hasn't quite hit yet.
Family dog died. Pretty surreal to look at a corpse and just think "yeah, he's dead" and feel nothing, while my sister has a nervous breakdown next to me. Wasn't nearly as bad as when my own dog died, for me at least; there's something disturbing about a body being so cold.

How is lying not that bad? Lying can lead to some pretty horrible stuff. Unless you mean white lies
Stone moved to this thread to keep the shitflinging out of the politics thread and encourage actual conversation in it, MRA anons are taking advantage of the chink in the armor, these two things are not hard to parse.
>"Ok, I've got this bunch of porn ready for next time I feel horny."
>"Wait, this new stuff is good porn!"
>Use new porn I found, including finding some new stuff.
>"Ah. Wait, I didn't use my old porn AND I found some new stuff, I guess I'll have to keep this too."
>160 tabs open
Such is life.
Yeah, it's terrible when you build up a massive porn backlog.
My condolences, anon.

This is why I always save something I enjoy, whether I'm gonna use it immediately or not.

And that's how I have 500GB of porn.
I have a text document full of links on one of my computers--pretty sure half of them are dead at this point, but, y'know.
+/pol/ is a containment thread. Keep its trash in there.
I'm sorry, anon. I hope you're not doing the thing where you feel nothing at first but then it starts haunting you two weeks later and stays with you for months. I do that a lot.
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>How is lying not that bad? Lying can lead to some pretty horrible stuff. Unless you mean white lies
>Lying can lead to some pretty horrible stuff. Unless you mean white lies
>Unless you mean white lies
>white lies
smh fam

even when they lie white people aren't as bad
Ur a cheeky cunt, m8
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>captcha: Pismo hill
a springtime reminder: http://www.homestarrunner.com/2manyknives.html
I wonder if anyone's drawn oxygen getting DP'd by two hydrogens.
Mister Twister
One of the few things in this world that really make me happy is seeing simple-minded people have their mind blown.

I grin instantly.
Mister Twister
I am afraid humanity would collectively give away their freedom, in exchange for convenience.
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Trigger warning: It already has.
Mister Twister
I was thinking on a larger, more fantastical scale. Like, you will always have food on your table, but only if you get it on Tuesday morning, and walk at a steady 5 miles per hour to the store.

Or, you will always be strong, but you could only get strong at a specific gym, only on Thursdays, and only using equipment provided by THIS company.

Or, you will never go deaf, but ONLY if you listen to this particular type of music which you may not even like.

Or, you will never go blind, but you'll only be able to see green, blue, and yellow.
I would do most of those things, yes.
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I'd take the blind one if it were red, green and blue
Mister Twister
Joke's on you, the human eye does not operate like a computer monitor.
If you are referring to how the eye's photoreceptors consist of rods as well as RGB cones, I will exploit an impromptu loophole; that I would be able to see (detect) all shades of each red, green and blue (separately), hence replicating our normal trichromatic sight. Sure, it bastardises your scenario beyond its meaning, but even as Anon I refuse to believe I cheated poorly.

If you are referring to a different aspect of human sight, then I want to learn what it is. I'm kinda interested.

Which ones? The food one seems great (free food, stockpile once a week), gym seems reasonable because one day a week fitness for a twig like me is a great bargain, deafness seems ok as long as you aren't limited to only that music (ie its like a medication, you get a daily dose), and not seeing red, orange and violet could be much worse but is pretty bad due to red's importance in society.
That's some deep metaphysical shit man, you should write a dystopian novel.
Actually wait don't, I'll write the novel and be famous instead.
Wouldn't do the gym one (I like working out, I want to do it more than once per week), and I'm iffy on the blind one. Colorblindness at the benefit of never ever going actually blind. I'd have to think about it for quite a while.
You mean like they do with their decisions regarding computer technology?

Oh. The first and last one aren't too bad since you're not really made to be brand loyal. The first one kind of depends on a few things. Though not all that compelling either. Do I get the food for free? Am I actually prevented form getting food in other ways? How fast to I run out if I miss it? Would I be automatically used to walking five miles an hour as if I always did it? Overall, I'm not really wanting for food as it is, and am in fact more concerned with preventing what I do have from going to waste, so whatever.

As for anti-blindness, I think this would really only be helpful if I wanted to make a career out of doing something rally nasty to my eyes and getting away with it. otherwise I can probably just bank on being able to get cyborg eyes in a few decades from now if I go blind by then, and that's if I expect to to begin with.
Its difficult to make an educated decision with these brief descriptions. Maybe this is the only time I'll want to see the ToC
Mister Twister
Your life will be forever limited that way. You will be safe, but never allowed to live freely, or to the fullest.
>fanart crossovers between works with no connection
why? at least include a lame pun
Double the views = double the $$$
>dont like seeing guys in porn so most of the videos I have are one-on-one, roleplay-ish videos, not for the RP, but because they are usually less boring
>they either talk about my wife/gf (I dont have either), my stepmother or mother (no Oedipus complex) or are degrading (not arousing)
well, at least its not a penis. I'll probably stick to cartoon porn
>well, at least its not a penis.
Don't knock it 'til you try it, bud.
I pretty much exclusively watch lesbian and solo stuff because so much of the stuff in porn turns me off.

Even with lesbian stuff it's hard to find anything good. Such is life.
>stepmother or mother (no Oedipus complex)

No worries, you're among friends! I even illustrate a porn magazine with that in mind, if you'd like a look.
Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM

I feel like we should have another sex/fetish thread at this point.
same boat as you anon.

>that girl in most lesbian videos who is blatantly gay-for-pay and not enjoying it

Damn right. I have my fair share of odd fetishes which I happily admit to as Anon, but incest is not one of them. plus I think my mom is a bit ugly
But you have mentioned your porn before. What kind of stuff is it?

I think I tried bumping it but got 500 internal error. I'll try again.
Mister Twister
Consider Sweetheart Video, Girl Candy Films, and Abby Winters.

You'll thank me later.
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I had a good meditation session today.
>But you have mentioned your porn before. What kind of stuff is it?
Me, I personally do super vanilla stuff. Just regular old girl-on-girl, pin ups.
But I do get commissioned to do an incest and age-difference based illustrations for stories. There's a thread on /pco/ - Dimension H.

And usually incest kinks aren't about wanting to Freud your own momma. There's an element of voyeurism to it!
Mister Twister
When I meditate, I just think of nothing. And see nothing.
>there's an element of voyuerism!
"hey mom, wanna /ss/?"

about three years ago I made "ss" autocorrect to ß. Whoops
>all these people saying "I've been drawing every day since the second grade" or some other hobby they've done since childhood
I'm just a cluster of interests and strengths, not passions.
I haven't become especially good at a single thing, which seems a bit daunting in terms of persuing a career. And the careers if like are very competitive.

Maybe I'll be able to get a midpoint job between my interest and my strength that specialists won't get.
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An "aw ßhit" moment, if you will.
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That reminds me of this picture
I really want to write "jackaß. miß. loßy. etc" or stuff with other characters, you get what I'm saying.
>artist begs for critque
fuckin A
>ignores almost all of it, instead justifying why he did it the way he did
so... artists should just be quiet and never ask for critique ever
literally no. I'm saying they should attempt to take it into consideration instead of ignoring its value.

I don't mean a silly critisism or an invalid one, I mean like when the artist uses "my style" to explain a fundamental flaw that is clearly not style related. It's like when dobson got pressured into asking for critique, you know? They are asking for something and then ignoring it completely.
Yes, let's make English more complicated.
If there's a genuine need for a letter I think we should add it. Same for getting rid of useless letters like "c".

>if you'd like a look
Yeah sure.
Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM

Mister Twister
The power of metal can fight the forces of darkness.
>Yeah sure.
have fun!
//youtube.com/watch?v=h5odmZ9cS4Yyoutube thumb

A Owl cafe in Japan. Where you can buy an owl.
Pre-emotive apology for the /adv/-tier comment but sometimes I just wish I was dead so fucking much so I just would not have to cope with being alive.

When I see this comment later I'll regret having made it. But I fucking hate myself so fuck it.

Fuck God. Fuck life. Fuck me. I want to die but I don't want to die. God I wish everything could just stop.
The older I gett the more like I feel I'm losing my mind.

Is this mormalz?
Do everyday normal people think reality TV cooking shows are real, or do they suspend disbelief for the sake of entertainment? "Oh no, we forgot to buy the core ingredient of our dish!" "Whoops, we forgot to time how long our dish was in the oven!"

It's like thinking porn is realistic. How?
Have you ever been in a high-stress kitchen environment?
As someone who's worked in kitchens during catering time and times of extremely high demand (oh there was a power outage in the next city over so 50 hungry electricians just showed up at once, can you manage by yourself Slowpoke?), situations like that are highly realistic.
eight more years until I earn enough youtube dosh to be allow to withdraw it.

damn $100 minimum limit
Mister Twister
Some porn is realistic.
Fursuits are not realistic.
While spilling a cider on my keyboard, I was reminded of the book Fantastic Mr Fox, in which a significant portion of the plot and even a song is dedicated to alcoholic apple cider, in a kids book. Brave.
Mister Twister
Authors always write for themselves, and then tone down for a specific audience, if needed.

All fiction is made by adults. Exceptions are exceptions, most 12 year olds cannot write for shit.
Speaking from experience I see.
Yeah, that makes sense. It just strikes me as funny the way he specifies it's alcoholic. The way he describes it makes me think he's saying "alcohol is magical stuff, kiddo!" Australia is mostly pretty anal about teen content censorship, so I'm always entertained by taboo content in children/teen media.

Now I've decided to reread it (I have an old copy).
>"We take [cider] as medicine - one larger glass [four] times a day."
>the youngest kid starts drinking homebrew liqueur
Now that I think about it, Roald Dahl was generous with his (what some may call) "bad influences"; there are multiple books that justify theft/poaching, at least two bring up alcoholism, and I remember one has a young kid driving a car at night down the main road. I am not criticising, I am just surprised my mother would let me read them.
you ever wonder why you're friends with your friends
one of my current friends was a complete douchebag to me in primary. slapped me in the face for no reason and made a hate website. he's all good now though
oh. cool. you actually get along with a friend of yours.
me, i wonder what thats like
Mister Twister
Spring has come once again, and the plants are once again performing bukkakke in our faces.
>meet cute girl online
>arrange to meet up
>she has to cancel on account of her grandfather is in hospital, and will never come out again
>send her texts, letting her know that it's okay, and we can talk if she wants to
>go to bed
>suddenly, my phone decides to show me the texts I recieved from her 40 minutes ago, asking if we can talk
>reply at once, saying I'd like that
>no reply

God damn it, why does my phone have such fucking awful reception unless I climb two flights of stairs?
Mister Twister
If she is destined to be your gf of choice, perhaps bad reception will not stop you (plural you)!
Mister Twister
>stumble into someone who is WRONG on the Internet
>give them a nice fat LOW RATING
>it doesn't do anything, since 99% of other people think they're right
Makes you feel powerless, doesn't it?
Hey guys, I hope none of you where fans of Prince.


And WWE star Chyna too.


As per the norm I will bame Stan Lee for these deaths.
My little brother has been sick for awhile, just found out today. Family said the doctors aren't sure why so he's getting blood tests done.
Oh no. My dream girl...
Mister Twister
I wonder if "kingdom" is a special kind of porn where the king dominates everyone.
i'll fund it
Why does nothing ever go smoothly? Fuck being an adult. I don't want to deal with all this shit anymore.
Mister Twister
Victory through persistence.
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I tried to find pic related but found video related

//youtube.com/watch?v=ubq8zFcAR0Myoutube thumb

the horrible keying effort makes it funny
Just wanted to drop by and wish you all a good week!

Also, nobody's perfect. So try and be excellent in what you do, but understanding with others.
Thank you

bump your dreams thread
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I get this feeling that I should make a tumblr so I can follow all the tumblrs that I have bookmarked and participate with other fans I share my interests with. But then I remember the bullshit that festers there and all the other garbage that comes with a profile/blog.
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In twenty years, I will likely still have gigabytes of (archaic?) 4chan reaction images, cartoon screenshots, fanart and corruptions, and other defunct data. And that doesn't worry me. And that worries me.

>dad, whats a "giff" file?
>implying i will have children
Tumblr is what you make of it. If you only follow certain blogs or block certain tags, you can get a lot of it with no skin off your nose.

You gotta make an effort to get content you like, but its worth it.
Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM

Pretty much this. You can avoid the festering piles of radioactive fandom waste and the insanity of super-SJW bullshit if you curate your dashboard feed well enough.
This. I have an FA account and the worst thing there is a person who keeps posting about his streams being online
Tumblr only gives you things you specifically ask for, if something you don't like shows up on your dashboard you only have youself to blame.
Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM

And even then, there are still browser plugins like XKit and Tumblr Savior that can help block all the shit you don't want to see from the people you do follow.
Mister Twister
Seems like everything is in italics now.
Yey, I made a purchase online without asking for help. For some reason I seemed to be really hesitant to do that before? Also, my current credit card has been expired for months but thankfully I have a pair of Visa gift cards and it actually worked online despite them not doing so before. Also, a few hours left on the Humble Bundle I bought: https://www.humblebundle.com/books/no-starch-hacking-books?
>artist comes into thread and says "hey guys stop pirating my paycomics"
lets see how this goes down
What artist? I'm curious...
Mister Twister
I wonder if getting all those llama spammers on DA is my karma-shmarma for not drawing anything finished for two months.

If yes, then I deserve it.
Angrboda, does a lot of furry TF. No-one's responded to him yet though.

I can't get over that /d/ thread in which BlackShirtBoy was posting in and then an anon comes and dumps his entire paycomic.
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I just realized that I lent out my dvd box set of season 1, 2 and 3 of Avatar the Last Airbender and I don't remember who I lent them to.
Mister Twister
I fucking love imageboards.
I don't know why but flea markets depress the shit out of me
Last night I got woken up at like three in the morning by cats fucking outside my house.

Cats are so loud when they fuck, and it is a horrible noise that is the stuff of nightmares.
Mister Twister
Reality is not your prison, but your home.
Mister Twister
I just realised that anything can be made to sound deep if you say it vaguely enough.
Not Mister Twister
What you typed is not vague enough, and therefore sounds shallow.
Indubitably Mister Twister
Detail diminishes meaning.
If you honestly believe that, you are dumber than all your posts make you out to be.
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Namefagging may lead to attention whoring, but Anonymous culture encourages shitposting.

And both are terrible things that help nobody and accomplish nothing. It seems like the only way to win is not to play.

Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM

Pretty much, yeah.
Speaking of anonymity, Tor metrics are pretty interesting; apparently Italy is one of the biggest users, and there is at least one person using it in Antarctica. Hopefully not for cheese pizza.

If this is the real slim shady, I prefer the impostors. and even if this is just a playful vent, I'll rebut it anyway

>both are terrible things that help nobody and accomplish nothing.
This is one of the stupidest things I have read in SYM. People who use the name feature for legitimate purpose (ie. not attention whoring) are beneficial to their threads, and anonymous culture (not only on 4chan) is an extremely liberating tool for communication. It encourages honestly, catharsis, freedom (to a degree) and equality. And entertainment.
After the fall of East Germany, the Stasi records of citizens became open to the public, so they could see what files their government had on them. I wonder if any Western countries will ever do the same thing in regards to mass surveillance.
>Accountability? What's that?
You're also relying on a large swath of your anons to not be sociopaths.
I could say the same thing about named people on traditional forums, social media and youtube.
But there is accountabiluty there. Moreso on anything controlled by Google.
>Accountability? What's that?
Yes, that is the basis of my argument. The relative lack of consequence allows people to communicate with less filters and "be yourself". You won't get fired for saying something politically incorrect. You won't get ostracised for your degenerate taste in pornography. You won't be targeted and harassed for criticising a popular figure.

People will use this for good and bad reasons, just like any other form of communication.

also, regarding sociopaths, it's harder for them to hurt people who are anons.

I know people who've had Google accounts suspended for 200% invalid reasons (false accusation of buying traffic) and now they can't get paid for their own YouTube videos unless they move house or create a company (due to address identification). Accountability can be a shit even on Google.
We have that. Its called 4chan.
Its a shithole.
get better threads then
I tried to find the first website and luckily found the second.

>D-don't insult m-muh beloved Secret Anon Club!!1!
As a Californian I am happy to now know of these websites.
That's just sad, man.
Make like a disney princess and Get Over It.
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>Trying to find an old .swf file
>Remember posting it on a Flash Thread way back when
>Google it
>Hard redirects to here

What happened to the archive stuff?
Months ago, bro. The site shat itself and only working boards were recreated. I doubt archive.org will save the flashes and I don't think Moose will be able/willing to bring threads back.

I miss the archive too. I only downloaded the porn threads and Artist Feels
>analytics of youtube income
>massive rise in graph
>oh wait, the scale just shrank
I wonder what happened to the people saying they wanted to off themselves in these threads.
//youtube.com/watch?v=dBnniua6-oMyoutube thumb - Oh, right, that's why sugary food is bad. Sure would be nice for me to live on my own so I could make up my own diet as I see fit, so I will work towards doing that.
>over an hour
woah, maybe later.

Is it basically "dense, empty calories" and "over-stimulation"?
Well, shit. Wish I knew that. I'm not looking for a file, so much as a link. The file was too big.

That's lame to hear. As embarrassing as I was those days, that was a fun thread.
Nope, the idea is that other than not causing a buzz, fructose is handled more like ethanol than glucose. It only gets digested in the liver, induces fat production, suppresses feelings of fullness and reduces sensitivity to insulin. He claims that fructose is thus essentially a toxin, and only okay to have in severly limited quanities or in foods with a high fiber content that helps to mitigate its effects.

The implication drawn from this is that the high level of sucrose (which is half fructose) in our diet is the cause of many health issues that are now common. That's why at the start he points out what high fat low carb and low carb high fat diets have in common: They both reduce fructose intake.

He also claims that sucrose is more common in our diet thanks to high fructose corn syrup being an inexpensive means of improving the otherwise inferior flavor of mass produced food and a major United States export, while low fiber is due to fibrous foods being more expensive to preserve and transport.
Can't speak for the others, but I'm still around.
Good to hear that, bud.
Only four more years until I get my official wizard robe and hat.
>want to write all day
>can't get started

>finally get started
>can't stop for anything

Momentum is a hell of a force.
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I might be working a job that pays some legitimate amounts of money soon. It's going to be stressful having immediate expectations on reasults an' such, but if the amount monies is to be believed, I can toss funds towards all the things. Well, not all of them. I just hope I have spare time to enjoy the hobbies that I could fund.
Mister Twister
Good luck.
Mister Twister
Finally went through a hard drive full of old shit. So many cat GIFs and macros..........

Most of those cats are now dead. They have to be.

Dead cats.....
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Early-20s neighbour bent over. Not sure if she saw me looking or not.
Cheer up, house cats can live up to 20 years if they're well taken care of.
Mister Twister
I know. But that's the reality of the situation. It's like watching a Christopher Lee scene.
Pretty much anything with Robin Williams in it has lost some of its charm for me now that I know the actor I'm watching would go on to kill himself.

Such is life.
/cog/ is the only videogame website i ever browse anymore, and for that, I thank you, plus4.
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I think this is the first time in my life I've ever earned over 5 cents for five days in a row.

I've only worked weekend jobs so I can get hundreds in a couple of days, but none during the week.
I searched "Scissr" on the app store and was pleasantly surprised when I did in fact find gay hookup apps.
I exercised for the first time in like 10 years. A short time afterwards I felt incredible, but now my entire body is pain.
Lots of water, lots of meat, and stretch.
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Okay YouTube, this is the last time I disable Adblock to "support" anyone. Fuck this shit.
I saw the picture of a skull belonging to a guy who died of bone cancer. I haven't been able to get it out of my head all day. Hell, I've had to rub my forehead every so often just to remind myself I don't have fucking spikes growing all over my insides.

I swear, if I ever get something like that I'm just. Killing myself on the spot. Not saying I'm suicidal here. If that happens to you, that goes all over your fuckin bones, man The supposedly "sturdy" part of you. And that's just a life of constant searing agony.
While that does look nasty to have, I now want a floofy skull plush.
Yep, that's the one. Been thinking of that all day.
Mister Twister
If I eat only non-organic food, does that mean that my shit will not count as organic fertilizer?
>This artist is one of my favourite creators!
>"Yeah? What do you like about them?"
>They have this really good comic that... I don't actually... like... all that much...
>...and they just released a new thing...
>..that i dont... like either...
>This artist has a very funny twitter!
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Fuck my life.

What's wrong with Windows 10?
I kind of like disappointing people because its the only semblance of power I ever feel. I can't make them happy, or laugh or anything other than just disappointed and angry... So that's what I do.
Well you've disappointed me by sounding like such a whiny little bitch boy.

Lighten the fuck up.
I gotta vent somewhere, pops.
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Seriously? It's more unfinished and buggy than Vista when it first came out, it introduces a shitload of new untested concepts (flying submarine type concepts), it's used for advertising data accumulation, and if you put files on a Windows 10 computer then Microsoft technically owns them.
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Holy shit it bothers people even when they physically can't update to Windows 10! This is insane!
I'm really glad I stuck with Win7
Man fuck Windows 10.

I'm just giving you a rough time cause I think it's what you need to hear.
Mister Twister
You can go only so far to convince someone to keep living. At one point you just say "What, you want to die? Well, fucking die then! Leave this world, and bother me no more!"

Guinea pigs were a mistake.
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And I thought this thing that comes up every time for the past month was bad.
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonic_hedgehog (and its inhibitor, Robotnikinin)

"Controversy surrounding name": [...] a less humorous situation where patients or parents of patients with a serious disorder are told that they or their child "have a mutation in [their] sonic hedgehog".[9][65][66]
>see girl in street dressed in almost the exact outfit of favourite /co/ character
huh (no, it wasn't a costume either. she wouldn't have known)
Which waifu was it?
My computer just restarted itself and installed Windows 10.

Like, I didn't click x on the update thing like was posted as a warning in this thread. It just restarted completely on its own while I was on YouTube. Like, really abruptly out of nowhere.

Checking reasons for this on my phone, I guess I needed to have uninstalled an automatic updater that was installed without my notice.

What the fuck Microsoft?
I installed it to try it out a few days ago and twitch and Netflix absolutely refuse to work in Internet Explorer, even after doing updates. I use IE for those since Firefox has horrible memory leak problems with video due to one of the essential addons I use.
What is the updater called?
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Wait am I fucked too?

I never 'reserved' windows 10 at any point, but after checking the bar I found this.

How do I stop it?
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>enjoy show
>all the best artists enjoy the show as well
where has this feeling been all my life?
Mister Twister
To teleport inside the Sun, what a truly horrifying experience...
Eh, I imagine it would be over quite quickly.
The human ear looks a lot stranger than anything Lovecraft was ever able to come up with.
Cat's ears too bro, ugh
Mister Twister
This train of thought will arrive at a very strange station.
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Are you going to talk about how weird catfolk look when you think about how they have a human head but the ears are anatomically in the wrong place?
>he thinks that's a catfolk
we /co/ here, thats just a person with cat ears.
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French cinema is great.
Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM

…okay then.
o la la
>other *chan site
>write long post
>do captcha, green tick
>"Invalid Captcha"
>long post text all gone
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Spanish can sound so fucking archaic when the speaker inserts non-spainish words in it.
I want to know if anyone has done a video edit of Terrance and Phillip where one accidentally shits instead of farting, but I don't want to look it up on Google.
Which is more retarded: YouTube comments, or porn comments?
Mister Twister
/v/ comments.
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Anyone who thinks animals don't dream never owned a cat.


Whenever my cat attacks, she will never even touch my face, but will aggressively bite or kick my hands, legs, etc.. (except for one time a few years ago when my eyelid got a nasty grab)
Is this usual behaviour?
Mister Twister
Well, neither of my 2 cats (one is friendly and the other probably not) ever bit or scratched me for real, except for the few cases of being scared shitless and really wanting to run away (still no biting).

Twitch is hiring for a bunch of jobs. So get a job /baw/!
Mister Twister

This must be read by everyone.
Unless they have "Person Who Draws Beefy Ladies" as a position, I doubt I can get a gig there.
My history teacher gave a "You have two cows" sheet to us back in high school, with Capitalism, Fascism and Communism
I know whining about youtube updates is a tradition but WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE SUGGESTED VIDEOS HOLY SHIT

I hope it's just a glitch, but the suggested videos stopped being small thumbnails and became half the size of the actual video I'm watching.
Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM

I’m apparently not allowed to view my subscriptions page in list mode any more.
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I don't know who to blame here. Definitely not myself, since I don't watch SUCH content.
Hearty laugh, but honestly why is that gore somewhat cute?

I keep getting recommended shitty clickbait YouTube channels (ew) and vine compilations (never watched any in my life) and le maymays (I make and watched MLG parodies but now I'm being recommend unironic, literal shit). Can I just opt out of recommendations?
Mister Twister
YouTube is owned by Google. And those people want ALL your information.
That and your ad revenue.

I occasionally listen to game soundtracks, so now half my recommended videos are cringy videogame shit like Game Theory. It's frankly embarrassing to even look at the thumbnails.
Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM

>Can I just opt out of recommendations?

If you go to the “Personal Info and Privacy” settings of your Google account, you can erase and turn off your browsing and search histories for YouTube. That should handle things well enough.
Mister Twister
Thanks a bunch, didn't know that.
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>I haven't watched the past two and a half seasons and I still follow the general religiously
I don't even like the show any more, I just find the threads comfy. Feels weird.

Sweet, thanks.
I was expecting the fetish list, pleasantly surprised.

However, that list is flawed as fuck:
- doing mandatory history in school puts me in "odd" for American Civil War (and I'm Australian)
- knowing about DMZ clashes puts you in "weird" (I assume knowing about the Tunnels of Aggression is enough to put me there)
And I don't even history. I confuse the Vietnam war with the Korean war.
I wonder what kind of people subscribe to those lootcrate services. It seems like a tremendous waste of money. It's just a box full of the kind of tat you'd get from winning at a shitty fund-raiser lottery and throw out come next spring.
Well, they pack in posters and tee shirts too. I don't use it but sometimes they got neat stuff with maybe some filler to meet an item quota. Like the infinity gauntlet thingie? My sister got that, she loves it. She bakes all the time.

I've always imagined it'd be cool to try adding things like comics or a magazine or something lootcrate (or whatever service) can actually start building brands of their own. Or just tie in comics to the existing stuff.
I imagine it's the gambling aspect that appeals to them. Sure you're probably getting junk but there's a chance you'll get something good. There's a small thrill to that.

It's not something I'd ever do, but I get it.
Man, I dunno about you guys but I would SO be down for a comics/books lootcrate. Akin to a monthly Heavy Metal subscription or something.

That, or a curated "best new comics" service from like, Image and Darkhorse or something.
Or a customizeable pull list delivery system or something augh its just
Fuck Diamond.
You'd be surprised how many basic bitches don't know about either.
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I would be surprised. Maybe it's a regional interest thing; ANZAC teaching focuses on WWI, WWII, Korean, Viet and Gulf/Afghan.

(I thought you meant "didn't know about American Civil War or DMZ". I've already written a post about it, but may as well submit it anyway)

Over here, the closest thing we've had to a civil war was the Eureka Rebellion. Casualties? Six soldiers/police, and around 22 - 60 gold miners. And no, the fucking Emu War doesn't count.

My history teacher is right; we're 200 years old, we don't have history apart from a bit of Aboriginal abuse and foreign wars in Turkey and Asia.
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I've finally gotten a video to trace the second shape rather than the first shape. I think it got listed as a "Next Up" after a popular video.

Feels good man. Exciting.
Mister Twister
That is not loss.
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Not yet
Mister Twister
That's my boy.
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>go to local nerd con
>meet up with a couple I haven't seen in a while by chance
>hang out with them for a bit, until they go off somewhere to some event they already had tickets for
>pass by a friend who I haven't seen in about a year after she broke up with a guy I know (who I also met at the con, but thankfully not at the same time)
>send them all a text saying how great it was to see them again
>get a text from my friend's ex, saying how she would've spoken to me earlier, but she's no longer friends with the couple
>mfw I remember last year's con, and we were all hanging out, the best of friends
What the hell happened?
Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM
>writer uses a single-word paragraph
>spells the word wrong
for fuck's sake. it was "weird"
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>search for "kill everyone in this thread"
>just some of the image results
DuckDuckGo is a great search engine.
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>90% sure I got a long audio clip past YouTube's contentIDsystem in perfect condition

>upload control clip (1:30 clip of song without alteration), detected before I could even add a description
>upload altered clip (same 1:30 clip), not yet detected

2009 but relevant link: http://www.scottsmitelli.com/articles/youtube-audio-content-id
(And yes, I know Youtube doesnt hate people and is between a rock and a hard place, but it still sucks.)
The NSA, etc. already have the surveillance going, they may as well go full Santa Claus and start giving gifts to the good folk.
>"You didn't google 'pthc' this month. Here, have a tax break."
>had to search it to find out what you meant
I can use the medical term with the same acronym for my plausible deniability.
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How CAN you get copyright strikes? Since YouTube now lets copyright owners monetise your videos when you infringe (or supposedly), I've never gotten a strike even though at least 10 of my videos infringe and one even got blocked worldwide for having "My Time Is Now".

I tried looking it up, but it was all "how to remove stikes" and pic related for some odd reason; never played nor searched for that game ever.
Mr. Stone !zWb42fBPMM

>How CAN you get copyright strikes?

You upload something that a copyright owner doesn't want to monetize or you receive a DMCA notification.
Mister Twister
If shit could talk, every time you flush, it would say "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
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No, it would say "If shit could talk, every time you flush, it would say "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!""
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I may as well make a "google fuckups" thread.
Man, I'm getting old. I'm starting to get into Rod Stewart.
Mister Twister
I listen to stuff old and obscure too, but that doesn't make me old.
I've always found it ironic that the country that fights for capitalism prides itself on being "free".
Mister Twister
Only extreme/pure capitalism is bad.

And pure socialism is the same exact thing, only disguised with a different word.
Mister Twister
... unless of course I missed the magnificent pun.
It's becoming time for my annual "fuck summer" tirades. Because seriously, fuck summer.
I'm afraid so.

>tfw winter now
it would be great, but I have a cold
ozzie ozzie ozzie
oi oi oi
Mister Twister
//youtube.com/watch?v=RXRRhRlKW3syoutube thumb

What........... the fuck?
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>May have a date today.
cool. tell us show it goes
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regarding this, now I'm finally observing the effect of different weekdays on the video's popularity.

I thought Saturday would have been pretty big, but it turns out Friday and Sunday are bigger. Especially Sunday. Fuckin' Sundays, man.
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>stumble upon a weird, obscure *chan through a Google image search
>one of the boards is dedicated to people obsessing over a japanese game
>look the game up
>it looks like I'd like it
The Internet works in mysterious ways.
the Monsters Inc. game
Yume Nikki is fucking great.

Just know that it's more about exploration than actually being a game. If you don't like games where you have to wander around aimlessly to make progress, then use a guide, because it's still well worth playing.
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Well, I've been procrastinating very hard.
>4chan - check
>plus4chan - check
>plus4chan /z/ - check
>YouTube poop - check
>Writing a script/storyboard for a YouTube poop - check
>Asking various places whether I'd get sued for monetising it - check
>Manipulating VLC audio settings before deciding on sticking with defaults - check
>Watching YouTube realtime statistics - check
>Taking screenshots of YouTube realtime statistics whenever a number like 69 comes up - check
>Creating a naming system for said screenshots - check
>Actively watching a defrag - check
>This comment - check
I have 4 exams in 4 days; this will be fun.
and checking them - check
Alpharius on the move
Ah, I see its YOU, that other person on /z/. Its hard to tell whos who over there. I try to stop by at least once a month to rock out there. I've been debating starting up a Quest thread on /z/ but then I remembered my crippling procrastination and that I left /tg/ because it was choked by quest threads.
Oh snap, I didn't know it was you. Thanks for dropping in.
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This board format still throws me off.

OKAY, SO. We almost entirely just hung out.
>We watched a little bit of E3, and I explained what E3 actually does and why most people watch it, which she found ludicrous yet fitting.
>We switched to a continued marathon of Gravity Falls.
>Six episodes in, we take a short break to get our legs back in order.

For the next bit, a short explanation. A few years ago, I bought a bunch of fancy looking turtlenecks to give to my sisters for Christmas. Fifty bucks a pop, and in the middle of winter it definitely hurt my money zone. Lo and behold, none of them wanted one, and my Mama turned out to be allergic to wool. So I wasted over three hundred dollars on a bunch of sweaters with nothing to show for it.

>Casually mention the turtleneck problem, saying I recently found them again.
>She asks to see them out of curiosity.
>Show them to her.
>"Wow Thirteen, these are actually really nice. Do you mind...leaving for a minute?"
>Wait what.
>Does as she asks, come back in a minute la-
>Holy fuck she's got a good figure.
>She likes it, but feels it's a bit small for her.
>She Clark Kents.
>Wears men's large shirts and slouches.
>She changes her shirt back, we get back to Gravity Falls.
>Help her over the ottoman and onto the couch.
>Holy shit, her hands are freezing. A circulation problem, apparently. They used to turn purple when she ran in gym.
>Warm her hand while we watch.
>For almost an hour.
>At one point, she just pulls her hand away.
>Oh shit, too much?
>Puts her other hand in.
>We take another pause to get dinner.
>Chat while eating and watching crap on YouTube.
>Asks me to braid her hair, do a not-horrible job at it.
>Watch Gravity Falls until almost midnight, she leaves.

I'd say that went well.
Exam number 1 in two hours, luckily it's the relatively easy one.

I skip read because of slight rush, but sounds good to me. Congrats.

>At one point, she just pulls her hand away.
>Oh shit, too much?
>Puts her other hand in.
Put hand in where, exactly? Is my guess right?
>Exam number 1

>get 60 minutes
>fucking rushed for time as fuck
>find out other class gets 70 minutes for no reason
It's confirmed, I used up all my luck last exam block.
What do people think of Paetron, who donates to any of those artists using it?

There's one I kinda want to give money to because I would like to support his work, but I feel that is not a moral course of action because I am on benefits for multiple reasons.
I live really frugal due to having no life so I could potentially do it but I feel as if its somehow wrong to put part of the money I am given in an official capacity such as that each month towards such a non-essential function such as this. If it was just a one-off situation like a kickstarter I would feel less apprehensive.
People who give money simply based on the idea that they're supporting the work are extremely rare. Out of 500 people subscribed to my channel, not a single person donated when I opened my Patreon before adding benefits to it. Without a damn good incentive for them to pay even just a dollar, they're not going to do it. People just don't give a shit.
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I was holding her hand since it was super cold, and when it warmed up, she switched out for her other hand.

>Other friend I really like hasn't answered my texts.
>For two weeks.
If you've sent 2 or more, they're trying to hint you at something.
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I found my Last Airbender dvd box sets. They were at my imouto's.
I meant to say six days, but now I'm getting worried. I don't know if I did anything wrong, or if she's Ok, or if she forgot to pay her phone bill again.
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I always assumed "Gaylord" was a fake joke name, kind of like Farquaard.

I mean, even before the general use of gay as meaning homosexual, it's a weird name.
Yeah, I mean it's kind of funny but I legitimately feel bad for people named Gaylord.
English should have just kept the original french form: Gaillard. The English language history of development so very silly.
Ah, that makes more sense.
Mister Twister
I say change that to Gallard, and you have a pretty awesome name.
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This is the most complete IRL attempt at black MIDI "Last Brutal Sister Flandre S" I've found so far.

PS: original piece is: //youtube.com/watch?v=6P9ISmtWUKIyoutube thumb
for better sound, the hands-only version is //youtube.com/watch?v=_5FFYMe-MGEyoutube thumb
Mister Twister
Someone favouriting an older drawing I did reminded me I actually created a sizeable chunk of really nice looking works. Looking at the good things I did in the past reminded me I don't suck nearly as much as I thought I did.

Mood increased by 23%.
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I was mildly bummed because I thought I have fallen off the gravy train into a consistent, shallow (relatively speaking) wave. Good news when I woke up. now to reply to some 12 year olds transcribing my videos in the comments
>have homework to do
>spend over an hour talking about Mario lore on /v/

I need to regain control of my life.
Mister Twister
It's funny how Mario never had personality (he is the Jumpman after all), but along the way someone at Nintendp decided to add "lore". I wonder why.
I'm gonna become a wizard in three months and I still haven't decided on a school. Thinking maybe Conjuration or Enchantment.
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Conjuration can pretty cool. Conjuration can be a double-edge sword though. Just don't go around summoning Succubi/Erinyes as they have a nasty habit of draining your magical power.

I'm more of a fan of Illusion, but it's not for everyone.
>caught myself thinking "that's fucked up, but intriguing"

test bump to see if the bump limit is 400 or 500
>check facebook
>turns out the couple I met at the con have broken up
>I saw them yesterday at a friend's birthday party, and they were their usual happy selves

What the hell, guys?

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1680269369.061999 - 0.000394 (0.000003s): kobak\kcfg: setting up new instance

1680269369.062035 - 0.000430 (0.000036s): kobak\kcfg: finished setup

1680269369.062038 - 0.000433 (0.000003s): kobak\controls: setting up new instance

1680269369.062042 - 0.000437 (0.000004s): kobak\controls: finished setup

1680269369.062043 - 0.000438 (0.000001s): kobak\modules: setting up new instance

1680269369.062045 - 0.000440 (0.000002s): kobak\modules: finished setup

1680269369.062079 - 0.000474 (0.000034s): kobak\modules: loading module kobak

1680269369.062082 - 0.000477 (0.000003s): kobak\pages: setting up new instance

1680269369.062087 - 0.000482 (0.000005s): kobak\pages: finished setup

1680269369.062089 - 0.000484 (0.000002s): kobak\plugins: setting up new instance

1680269369.062091 - 0.000486 (0.000002s): kobak\plugins: finished setup

1680269369.062214 - 0.000609 (0.000123s): kobak\kobak: setting up new instance

1680269369.062218 - 0.000613 (0.000004s): kobak\kobak: finished setup

1680269369.062220 - 0.000615 (0.000002s): kobak\cache: setting up new instance

1680269369.062222 - 0.000617 (0.000002s): kobak\cache: finished setup

1680269369.062224 - 0.000619 (0.000002s): kobak\cache: loading cache file: kobak_cache

1680269369.062230 - 0.000625 (0.000006s): kobak\cache: checking cache file: kobak_cache

1680269369.062369 - 0.000764 (0.000139s): kobak\current: setting up new instance

1680269369.062376 - 0.000771 (0.000007s): kobak\current: finished setup

1680269369.062379 - 0.000774 (0.000003s): kobak\errors: setting up new instance

1680269369.062384 - 0.000779 (0.000005s): kobak\errors: finished setup

1680269369.062667 - 0.001062 (0.000283s): kobak\modules: finished loading module "kobak"

1680269369.062672 - 0.001067 (0.000005s): kobak\modules: finished loading 1 module(s)

1680269369.062675 - 0.001070 (0.000003s): kobak\current: creating default rewrite rules

1680269369.062677 - 0.001072 (0.000002s): kobak\current: starting validation of current section

1680269369.062686 - 0.001081 (0.000009s): kobak\plugins: checking actions for hook "before_validation"

1680269369.062708 - 0.001103 (0.000022s): kobak\plugins: finished running 1 actions for hook "before_validation"

1680269369.062714 - 0.001109 (0.000006s): kobak\current: finished validating section

1680269369.062719 - 0.001114 (0.000005s): kobak\current: finished validating prerequisites

1680269369.062724 - 0.001119 (0.000005s): kobak\current: finished validating optional inputs

1680269369.062729 - 0.001124 (0.000005s): kobak\plugins: checking actions for hook "validation"

1680269369.062740 - 0.001135 (0.000011s): KOBAK BBS: validating board

1680269369.062777 - 0.001172 (0.000037s): kobak\ban: query: querying posts

1680269369.062784 - 0.001179 (0.000007s): kobak\db: setting up new instance

1680269369.062785 - 0.001180 (0.000001s): kobak\db: Attempting to connect to database

1680269369.066668 - 0.005063 (0.003883s): kobak\db: Successfully connected to database

1680269369.066677 - 0.005072 (0.000009s): kobak\db: finished setup

1680269369.067474 - 0.005869 (0.000797s): KOBAK BBS: loading board specific plugins

1680269369.067896 - 0.006291 (0.000422s): KOBAK BBS: finished loading board specific plugins

1680269369.067906 - 0.006301 (0.000010s): KOBAK BBS: validating thread

1680269369.067913 - 0.006308 (0.000007s): kobak\thread: query: start

1680269369.067918 - 0.006313 (0.000005s): kobak\thread: query: thread mode set, calling posts query.

1680269369.067932 - 0.006327 (0.000014s): kobak\post: query: querying posts

1680269369.083778 - 0.022173 (0.015846s): kobak\post: query: constructing new post objects

1680269369.090086 - 0.028481 (0.006308s): kobak\post: query: starting lookups for thread locked statuses

1680269369.090254 - 0.028649 (0.000168s): kobak\post: query: setting up references/backlinks

1680269369.090740 - 0.029135 (0.000486s): kobak\post: get_posts: querying out-of-thread quotes

1680269369.093013 - 0.031408 (0.002273s): kobak\post: get_posts: applying quote backlinks to posts

1680269369.094427 - 0.032822 (0.001414s): kobak\post: query: finished.

1680269369.094447 - 0.032842 (0.000020s): kobak\thread: query: posts queried, setting up thread object.

1680269369.094466 - 0.032861 (0.000019s): kobak\thread: query: finished.

1680269369.094497 - 0.032892 (0.000031s): kobak\plugins: finished running 1 actions for hook "validation"

1680269369.094539 - 0.032934 (0.000042s): kobak\current: Template file found

1680269369.094542 - 0.032937 (0.000003s): kobak\current: setting up HTML vars

1680269369.094547 - 0.032942 (0.000005s): kobak\html: setting up new instance

1680269369.094567 - 0.032962 (0.000020s): kobak\html: finished setup

1680269369.094570 - 0.032965 (0.000003s): kobak\current: setting up per-page HTML vars

1680269369.094577 - 0.032972 (0.000007s): kobak\plugins: checking actions for hook "setup_html"

1680269369.094678 - 0.033073 (0.000101s): kobak\plugins: finished running 4 actions for hook "setup_html"

1680269369.094681 - 0.033076 (0.000003s): kobak\current: finished setting up all HTML vars

1680269369.094683 - 0.033078 (0.000002s): start rendering html

1680269369.094729 - 0.033124 (0.000046s): loading thread

1680269369.094758 - 0.033153 (0.000029s): called header.php

1680269369.094764 - 0.033159 (0.000006s): kobak\plugins: checking actions for hook "header_meta"

1680269369.094833 - 0.033228 (0.000069s): kobak\plugins: finished running 5 actions for hook "header_meta"

1680269369.094929 - 0.033324 (0.000096s): kobak\cache: loading cache file: kobak_banners

1680269369.094934 - 0.033329 (0.000005s): kobak\cache: checking cache file: kobak_banners

1680269369.095193 - 0.033588 (0.000259s): kobak\plugins: checking actions for hook "after_postmessage"

1680269369.095206 - 0.033601 (0.000013s): kobak\plugins: finished running 1 actions for hook "after_postmessage"

1680269369.095230 - 0.033625 (0.000024s): rendering thread 405433

1680269369.095236 - 0.033631 (0.000006s): rendering reply 405433

1680269369.095291 - 0.033686 (0.000055s): kobak\kmedia: setting up new instance

1680269369.095296 - 0.033691 (0.000005s): kobak\kmedia: finished setup

1680269369.095323 - 0.033718 (0.000027s): rendering reply 405436

1680269369.095346 - 0.033741 (0.000023s): rendering reply 405443

1680269369.095363 - 0.033758 (0.000017s): rendering reply 405444

1680269369.095381 - 0.033776 (0.000018s): rendering reply 405449

1680269369.095396 - 0.033791 (0.000015s): rendering reply 405450

1680269369.095426 - 0.033821 (0.000030s): rendering reply 405451

1680269369.095451 - 0.033846 (0.000025s): rendering reply 405452

1680269369.095468 - 0.033863 (0.000017s): rendering reply 405454

1680269369.095493 - 0.033888 (0.000025s): rendering reply 405455

1680269369.095513 - 0.033908 (0.000020s): rendering reply 405456

1680269369.095530 - 0.033925 (0.000017s): rendering reply 405457

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1680269369.095560 - 0.033955 (0.000013s): rendering reply 405459

1680269369.095599 - 0.033994 (0.000039s): rendering reply 405462

1680269369.095616 - 0.034011 (0.000017s): rendering reply 405475

1680269369.095632 - 0.034027 (0.000016s): rendering reply 405486

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1680269369.095909 - 0.034304 (0.000027s): rendering reply 405505

1680269369.095928 - 0.034323 (0.000019s): rendering reply 405511

1680269369.095947 - 0.034342 (0.000019s): rendering reply 405518

1680269369.095968 - 0.034363 (0.000021s): rendering reply 405519

1680269369.095983 - 0.034378 (0.000015s): rendering reply 405522

1680269369.095996 - 0.034391 (0.000013s): rendering reply 405529

1680269369.096015 - 0.034410 (0.000019s): rendering reply 405531

1680269369.096031 - 0.034426 (0.000016s): rendering reply 405543

1680269369.096046 - 0.034441 (0.000015s): rendering reply 405544

1680269369.096062 - 0.034457 (0.000016s): rendering reply 405554

1680269369.096088 - 0.034483 (0.000026s): rendering reply 405558

1680269369.096104 - 0.034499 (0.000016s): rendering reply 405568

1680269369.096152 - 0.034547 (0.000048s): rendering reply 405569

1680269369.096175 - 0.034570 (0.000023s): rendering reply 405575

1680269369.096194 - 0.034589 (0.000019s): rendering reply 405576

1680269369.096214 - 0.034609 (0.000020s): rendering reply 405578

1680269369.096236 - 0.034631 (0.000022s): rendering reply 405579

1680269369.096252 - 0.034647 (0.000016s): rendering reply 405581

1680269369.096270 - 0.034665 (0.000018s): rendering reply 405587

1680269369.096301 - 0.034696 (0.000031s): rendering reply 405589

1680269369.096317 - 0.034712 (0.000016s): rendering reply 405590

1680269369.096331 - 0.034726 (0.000014s): rendering reply 405591

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1680269369.096359 - 0.034754 (0.000013s): rendering reply 405593

1680269369.096371 - 0.034766 (0.000012s): rendering reply 405594

1680269369.096389 - 0.034784 (0.000018s): rendering reply 405595

1680269369.096406 - 0.034801 (0.000017s): rendering reply 405596

1680269369.096425 - 0.034820 (0.000019s): rendering reply 405604

1680269369.096444 - 0.034839 (0.000019s): rendering reply 405605

1680269369.096462 - 0.034857 (0.000018s): rendering reply 405606

1680269369.096485 - 0.034880 (0.000023s): rendering reply 405607

1680269369.096519 - 0.034914 (0.000034s): rendering reply 405608

1680269369.096537 - 0.034932 (0.000018s): rendering reply 405616

1680269369.096555 - 0.034950 (0.000018s): rendering reply 405619

1680269369.096568 - 0.034963 (0.000013s): rendering reply 405625

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1680269369.096597 - 0.034992 (0.000012s): rendering reply 405627

1680269369.096609 - 0.035004 (0.000012s): rendering reply 405628

1680269369.096656 - 0.035051 (0.000047s): rendering reply 405629

1680269369.096686 - 0.035081 (0.000030s): rendering reply 405630

1680269369.096708 - 0.035103 (0.000022s): rendering reply 405631

1680269369.096729 - 0.035124 (0.000021s): rendering reply 405635

1680269369.096750 - 0.035145 (0.000021s): rendering reply 405637

1680269369.096768 - 0.035163 (0.000018s): rendering reply 405638

1680269369.096784 - 0.035179 (0.000016s): rendering reply 405643

1680269369.096797 - 0.035192 (0.000013s): rendering reply 405676

1680269369.100123 - 0.038518 (0.003326s): rendering reply 405685

1680269369.100226 - 0.038621 (0.000103s): rendering reply 405688

1680269369.100248 - 0.038643 (0.000022s): rendering reply 405689

1680269369.100262 - 0.038657 (0.000014s): rendering reply 405690

1680269369.100283 - 0.038678 (0.000021s): rendering reply 405694

1680269369.100318 - 0.038713 (0.000035s): rendering reply 405695

1680269369.100338 - 0.038733 (0.000020s): rendering reply 405702

1680269369.100359 - 0.038754 (0.000021s): rendering reply 405716

1680269369.100382 - 0.038777 (0.000023s): rendering reply 405720

1680269369.100402 - 0.038797 (0.000020s): rendering reply 405721

1680269369.100420 - 0.038815 (0.000018s): rendering reply 405725

1680269369.100462 - 0.038857 (0.000042s): rendering reply 405727

1680269369.100492 - 0.038887 (0.000030s): rendering reply 405734

1680269369.100508 - 0.038903 (0.000016s): rendering reply 405744

1680269369.100522 - 0.038917 (0.000014s): rendering reply 405757

1680269369.100537 - 0.038932 (0.000015s): rendering reply 405758

1680269369.100554 - 0.038949 (0.000017s): rendering reply 405759

1680269369.100567 - 0.038962 (0.000013s): rendering reply 405761

1680269369.100581 - 0.038976 (0.000014s): rendering reply 405762

1680269369.100609 - 0.039004 (0.000028s): rendering reply 405763

1680269369.100625 - 0.039020 (0.000016s): rendering reply 405767

1680269369.100638 - 0.039033 (0.000013s): rendering reply 405768

1680269369.100652 - 0.039047 (0.000014s): rendering reply 405769

1680269369.100665 - 0.039060 (0.000013s): rendering reply 405770

1680269369.100678 - 0.039073 (0.000013s): rendering reply 405771

1680269369.100706 - 0.039101 (0.000028s): rendering reply 405772

1680269369.100722 - 0.039117 (0.000016s): rendering reply 405776

1680269369.100740 - 0.039135 (0.000018s): rendering reply 405778

1680269369.100762 - 0.039157 (0.000022s): rendering reply 405779

1680269369.100793 - 0.039188 (0.000031s): rendering reply 405780

1680269369.100832 - 0.039227 (0.000039s): rendering reply 405788

1680269369.100855 - 0.039250 (0.000023s): rendering reply 405797

1680269369.100987 - 0.039382 (0.000132s): rendering reply 405816

1680269369.101010 - 0.039405 (0.000023s): rendering reply 405817

1680269369.101026 - 0.039421 (0.000016s): rendering reply 405818

1680269369.101055 - 0.039450 (0.000029s): rendering reply 405825

1680269369.101080 - 0.039475 (0.000025s): rendering reply 405830

1680269369.101101 - 0.039496 (0.000021s): rendering reply 405832

1680269369.101142 - 0.039537 (0.000041s): rendering reply 405834

1680269369.101164 - 0.039559 (0.000022s): rendering reply 405835

1680269369.101183 - 0.039578 (0.000019s): rendering reply 405836

1680269369.101216 - 0.039611 (0.000033s): rendering reply 405838

1680269369.101270 - 0.039665 (0.000054s): rendering reply 405842

1680269369.101289 - 0.039684 (0.000019s): rendering reply 405850

1680269369.101304 - 0.039699 (0.000015s): rendering reply 405857

1680269369.101318 - 0.039713 (0.000014s): rendering reply 405861

1680269369.101333 - 0.039728 (0.000015s): rendering reply 405898

1680269369.101347 - 0.039742 (0.000014s): rendering reply 405900

1680269369.101360 - 0.039755 (0.000013s): rendering reply 405901

1680269369.101376 - 0.039771 (0.000016s): rendering reply 405902

1680269369.101393 - 0.039788 (0.000017s): rendering reply 405904

1680269369.101409 - 0.039804 (0.000016s): rendering reply 405906

1680269369.101424 - 0.039819 (0.000015s): rendering reply 405907

1680269369.101437 - 0.039832 (0.000013s): rendering reply 405908

1680269369.101450 - 0.039845 (0.000013s): rendering reply 405909

1680269369.101463 - 0.039858 (0.000013s): rendering reply 405910

1680269369.101475 - 0.039870 (0.000012s): rendering reply 405911

1680269369.101490 - 0.039885 (0.000015s): rendering reply 405913

1680269369.101506 - 0.039901 (0.000016s): rendering reply 405919

1680269369.101521 - 0.039916 (0.000015s): rendering reply 405920

1680269369.101533 - 0.039928 (0.000012s): rendering reply 405921

1680269369.101547 - 0.039942 (0.000014s): rendering reply 405922

1680269369.101559 - 0.039954 (0.000012s): rendering reply 405923

1680269369.101573 - 0.039968 (0.000014s): rendering reply 405931

1680269369.101600 - 0.039995 (0.000027s): rendering reply 405932

1680269369.101627 - 0.040022 (0.000027s): rendering reply 405934

1680269369.101641 - 0.040036 (0.000014s): rendering reply 405938

1680269369.101666 - 0.040061 (0.000025s): rendering reply 405958

1680269369.101682 - 0.040077 (0.000016s): rendering reply 405959

1680269369.101694 - 0.040089 (0.000012s): rendering reply 405963

1680269369.101708 - 0.040103 (0.000014s): rendering reply 405966

1680269369.101726 - 0.040121 (0.000018s): rendering reply 405967

1680269369.101758 - 0.040153 (0.000032s): rendering reply 405968

1680269369.101777 - 0.040172 (0.000019s): rendering reply 405970

1680269369.101795 - 0.040190 (0.000018s): rendering reply 405971

1680269369.101819 - 0.040214 (0.000024s): rendering reply 405973

1680269369.101836 - 0.040231 (0.000017s): rendering reply 405974

1680269369.101851 - 0.040246 (0.000015s): rendering reply 405980

1680269369.101879 - 0.040274 (0.000028s): rendering reply 405981

1680269369.101894 - 0.040289 (0.000015s): rendering reply 405983

1680269369.101912 - 0.040307 (0.000018s): rendering reply 405985

1680269369.101928 - 0.040323 (0.000016s): rendering reply 405987

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1680269369.101958 - 0.040353 (0.000016s): rendering reply 405994

1680269369.104437 - 0.042832 (0.002479s): rendering reply 406003

1680269369.104478 - 0.042873 (0.000041s): rendering reply 406010

1680269369.104500 - 0.042895 (0.000022s): rendering reply 406011

1680269369.104517 - 0.042912 (0.000017s): rendering reply 406012

1680269369.104531 - 0.042926 (0.000014s): rendering reply 406013

1680269369.104546 - 0.042941 (0.000015s): rendering reply 406014

1680269369.104562 - 0.042957 (0.000016s): rendering reply 406015

1680269369.104582 - 0.042977 (0.000020s): rendering reply 406023

1680269369.104604 - 0.042999 (0.000022s): rendering reply 406029

1680269369.104645 - 0.043040 (0.000041s): rendering reply 406031

1680269369.104673 - 0.043068 (0.000028s): rendering reply 406033

1680269369.104692 - 0.043087 (0.000019s): rendering reply 406034

1680269369.104713 - 0.043108 (0.000021s): rendering reply 406035

1680269369.104736 - 0.043131 (0.000023s): rendering reply 406036

1680269369.104809 - 0.043204 (0.000073s): rendering reply 406045

1680269369.104854 - 0.043249 (0.000045s): rendering reply 406046

1680269369.104898 - 0.043293 (0.000044s): rendering reply 406047

1680269369.104919 - 0.043314 (0.000021s): rendering reply 406048

1680269369.104940 - 0.043335 (0.000021s): rendering reply 406049

1680269369.104957 - 0.043352 (0.000017s): rendering reply 406051

1680269369.104995 - 0.043390 (0.000038s): rendering reply 406056

1680269369.105015 - 0.043410 (0.000020s): rendering reply 406057

1680269369.105030 - 0.043425 (0.000015s): rendering reply 406061

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1680269369.105058 - 0.043453 (0.000016s): rendering reply 406072

1680269369.105085 - 0.043480 (0.000027s): rendering reply 406078

1680269369.105107 - 0.043502 (0.000022s): rendering reply 406079

1680269369.105128 - 0.043523 (0.000021s): rendering reply 406080

1680269369.105147 - 0.043542 (0.000019s): rendering reply 406083

1680269369.105184 - 0.043579 (0.000037s): rendering reply 406085

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1680269369.105606 - 0.044001 (0.000017s): rendering reply 406220

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1680269369.105648 - 0.044043 (0.000028s): rendering reply 406255

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1680269369.105743 - 0.044138 (0.000016s): rendering reply 406292

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1680269369.115621 - 0.054016 (0.000013s): rendering reply 408493

1680269369.115726 - 0.054121 (0.000105s): called footer.php

1680269369.116768 - 0.055163 (0.001042s): kobak\plugins: checking actions for hook "footer_meta"

1680269369.116843 - 0.055238 (0.000075s): kobak\plugins: finished running 9 actions for hook "footer_meta"

1680269369.116845 - 0.055240 (0.000002s): completed rendering most of the html

1680269369.116891 - 0.055286 (0.000046s): starting debug

1680269369.118043 - 0.056438 (0.001152s): starting debug_t

1680269369.12279800: end

SQL statistics:

time taken: 0.00075698 SELECT *, ( SELECT GROUP_CONCAT(DISTINCT `kobaboardban`.`boardid` ORDER BY `kobaboardban`.`boardid` SEPARATOR ',') FROM `kobaboardban` WHERE `banid` = `id` GROUP BY `banid` ) AS `active_boards` FROM `kobaban` WHERE ( (`iplong1` = '03eefa49') OR (`iplong1` <= '03eefa49' AND '03eefa49' <= `iplong2`) ) AND `type` IN(-1,0,1,2,3) AND (`id` IN ( SELECT `banid` FROM `kobaboardban` WHERE `boardid` IN(1) ) OR `global` = 1) ORDER BY `type`,`expiration` DESC no rows found or affected (prepared query)
time taken: 0.01578808 SELECT p.*, r.time r_time, r.reason r_reason, r.ipmd5 r_ipmd5, r.ipcrypt r_ipcrypt, r.password r_password, r.userid r_userid, s.total_posts, s.total_files, s.total_image, s.total_audio, s.total_video, s.total_swf, s.unique_ip, s.unique_user FROM `kobapost` p LEFT JOIN `kobareport` r on p.boardid = r.boardid and p.postid = r.postid LEFT JOIN `kobapoststats` s on p.boardid = s.boardid and p.postid = s.threadid WHERE p.`boardid` = '1' AND p.`postid` = '405433' AND `parentid` = '0' AND `deleted` = '0' UNION ALL SELECT p.*, r.time r_time, r.reason r_reason, r.ipmd5 r_ipmd5, r.ipcrypt r_ipcrypt, r.password r_password, r.userid r_userid, null as total_posts, null as total_files, null as total_image, null as total_audio, null as total_video, null as total_swf, null as unique_ip, null as unique_user FROM `kobapost` p LEFT JOIN `kobareport` r on p.boardid = r.boardid and p.postid = r.postid WHERE p.`boardid` = '1' AND `parentid` = '405433' AND `deleted` = '0' ORDER BY `parentid`,`postid` no error (prepared query)
time taken: 0.00223589 SELECT `boardid`, `parentid`, `postid` FROM `kobapost` WHERE (`boardid` = 1 AND `postid` IN(405204,405897,406215)) AND `deleted` = 0 no error


after_postmessage actions: 1 start: 1680269369.09519600 end: 1680269369.09520300 took (total): 0.000007
before_validation actions: 1 start: 1680269369.06268900 end: 1680269369.06270400 took (total): 0.000015
footer_meta actions: 9 start: 1680269369.11677200 end: 1680269369.11684000 took (total): 0.000068
header_meta actions: 5 start: 1680269369.09476600 end: 1680269369.09483000 took (total): 0.000064
setup_html actions: 4 start: 1680269369.09458000 end: 1680269369.09467500 took (total): 0.000095
validation actions: 1 start: 1680269369.06273200 end: 1680269369.09449200 took (total): 0.031760

Rewrite/redirect rules:

Redirect /^([a-z_\-0-9]*)\/0.html(?:\?.*)?$/ $matches[1]\/ 302
Redirect /^([a-z_\-0-9]*)\/1.html(?:\?.*)?$/ $matches[1]\/ 302
Rewrite: /^([a-z_\-0-9]*)\/(\d\w*)s.png$/ /$matches[1]/thumbs/$matches[2]s.png
Rewrite: /^([a-z_\-0-9]*)\/?(?:\?.*)?$/ index.php?section=index&board=$matches[1]
Rewrite: /^([a-z_\-0-9]*)\/([0-9]*)\.html(?:\?.*)?$/ index.php?section=index&board=$matches[1]&pagenumber=$matches[2]
Rewrite: /^([a-z_\-0-9]*)\/catalog\.html(?:\?.*)?$/ index.php?section=catalog&board=$matches[1]
Rewrite: /^([a-z_\-0-9]*)\/t([0-9]*)\.(html|json|rss)(?:\?.*)?$/ index.php?section=thread&board=$matches[1]&thread=$matches[2]&ext=$matches[3]
Rewrite: /^([a-z_\-0-9]*)\/posts_feed\.rss$/ index.php?section=posts_feed&board=$matches[1]&ext=rss
Rewrite: /^([a-z_\-0-9]*)\/threads_feed\.rss$/ index.php?section=threads_feed&board=$matches[1]&ext=rss
Rewrite: /^latest_posts\.rss$/ index.php?section=latest_posts&ext=rss
Rewrite: /^latest_threads\.rss$/ index.php?section=latest_threads&ext=rss
Rewrite: /^latest_nsfw_posts\.rss$/ index.php?section=latest_nsfw_posts&ext=rss
Rewrite: /^latest_nsfw_threads\.rss$/ index.php?section=latest_nsfw_threads&ext=rss

rules in htaccess format:

RewriteRule ^([a-z_\-0-9]*)\/0.html(?:\?.*)?$ $1/ [R=302,L,QSA] RewriteRule ^([a-z_\-0-9]*)\/1.html(?:\?.*)?$ $1/ [R=302,L,QSA] RewriteRule ^([a-z_\-0-9]*)\/(\d\w*)s.png$ /$1/thumbs/$2s.png [L,QSA] RewriteRule ^([a-z_\-0-9]*)/(?:\?.*)?$ index.php?section=index&board=$1 [L,QSA] RewriteRule ^([a-z_\-0-9]*)\/([0-9]*)\.html(?:\?.*)?$ index.php?section=index&board=$1&pagenumber=$2 [L,QSA] RewriteRule ^([a-z_\-0-9]*)\/catalog\.html(?:\?.*)?$ index.php?section=catalog&board=$1 [L,QSA] RewriteRule ^([a-z_\-0-9]*)\/t([0-9]*)\.(html|json|rss)(?:\?.*)?$ index.php?section=thread&board=$1&thread=$2&ext=$3 [L,QSA] RewriteRule ^([a-z_\-0-9]*)\/posts_feed\.rss$ index.php?section=posts_feed&board=$1&ext=rss [L,QSA] RewriteRule ^([a-z_\-0-9]*)\/threads_feed\.rss$ index.php?section=threads_feed&board=$1&ext=rss [L,QSA] RewriteRule ^latest_posts\.rss$ index.php?section=latest_posts&ext=rss [L,QSA] RewriteRule ^latest_threads\.rss$ index.php?section=latest_threads&ext=rss [L,QSA] RewriteRule ^latest_nsfw_posts\.rss$ index.php?section=latest_nsfw_posts&ext=rss [L,QSA] RewriteRule ^latest_nsfw_threads\.rss$ index.php?section=latest_nsfw_threads&ext=rss [L,QSA]

Current time:

2023-03-31 06:29:29