/md/ - Murder Drones

Holly and Eye causing such a plague it leaves people rabid

>>364817
>damn this place is dying
This is the zombie era now
>>364822
They stole SD-C# and SD-Fb drips

>>364828
Didn't even realize there was a /co/ thread. That explains yesterdays slowness I guess.
Looks to be the same shit as always: people looking for things to get mad about, and giving others things to get mad about.
Cranky bastards in all the chans.
Like, just have fun bro? It's not that hard.

I remember reading a greentext about dong competition and It made me laugh, but i forgot properly what it was about than N having a s-long

>>364814
So if N trooned out and also became a proud cuck, who'd he watch Uzi fuck stupid from his cuckthrone as the cuckQUEEN of Outpost 3?

The Princess Keeter Saga Continues: Anon's Perspective

>You're going on your first mission as a squire: To settle a dispute in the Zeta Reticuli system
>From what you were told, Imperial ships have been crossing through the system frequently, with some setting up shop in the system's out asteroid belt
>This has the Greys scared shitless, as they barely survived the Solver Crisis better than humanity
>They are also pacifists by nature, having no real weapons, so naturally they called on Boxon for help
>Unfortunately, we can't just fly in and blast the DDs away
>And so the knights have been dispatched to reach a settlement
>MacCork had a few things to tell you off the record about the Greys
>He said they were a deeply spiritual people, and that the Chaplain became the way he was because he spent time with them
>He also told you that, after the Solver Crisis, they found themselves subjugated by a pirate called Smibnor the Smibnarian, and that MacCork himself led the charge that saw Smibnor ousted, so the Greys have a particular fondness for him
>Lastly, he told you to sit down and shut up, because you're here to learn
>That makes things easy for you
>The trip was surprisingly short, such that you didn't need to use the cryo-pods
>After about three days of routine study and meditation, you find yourself approaching a massive disc shaped ship, roughly a mile wide
>Though the ship has many hangars, you notice most of them are too small for your ship to fit through
>When the shuttle lands and you disembark, things start to make a little more sense
>In the back of the hangar is a blue velvet tent, barely tall enough for a human
>Along the walls are tiny doors barely three feet tall

>>364836
The uncucked pooner V I guess?

>>364831
I have my own things that make me angry too, but I try to channel that energy into something constructive like drawing.

>>364837
>The most obnoxious creature you have ever experienced in your life scampers out of the tent
>It is roughly two and half feet tall, with smooth grey skin, large almond shaped black eyes, and a bulbous cranium
>It greets you with an annoyingly high-pitched and nasally voice
>"Oh, brave Sir MacCork, how good it is to see thee once more!"
>"Uh, yeah, it's good to see you too, Gleep. This, is my squire, Anon. Anon, this is Gleep."
>You give a bow to the creature, only for it to skitter close to you, sniff you, hug your leg and pat rapidly
>"Oh yes, how splendid it is so wonderful to meet you, young man! Let me collect the Soothsayer that we may truly welcome you and begin our negotiations!"
>He(?) runs back to the tent and returns with another creature looking exactly like him, but wearing a black cloak with a huge gaudy collar
>"Oh, Squire Anon, this is our Soothsayer, the great Xenu! Extend your hand to him and let him read your palm!"
>With a nod from MacCork, you comply
>Xenu moves his little fingers all over your hand, gently pressing down on veins and tendons with his thumbs
>As his eyes dart about, a look of worry and shock grows on his face
>He speaks with a reedy voice, like a wizard who inhaled helium
>"I see... Darkness. Horror beyond imagination. Evil spawn born from the womb of the ravenous beast! Those eyes! THOSE HORRIBLE PURPLE EYES!"
>Xenu shrieks and falls backwards, his body stiff as a stale corn chip
>MacCork's jaw is hanging open, and you turn to him with a look of trepidation
>"I, uh, think you'll be fine."
>You have no time to worry about that as the ship's siren blares
Star destroyer alarm [23 second]
>A small ship hurtles towards the hangar
>"Oh crap, please don't be who I think you are. Anon, hold on to something."
>The ship barely manages to turn itself around and fire its thrusters to decelerate
>Exhaust from the thrusters fill the hangar with smoke, and it leaves sparks as it skids along the floor
>When it comes to a graceless halt, the tiny ship rights itself with four spider-like legs
>The smoke clears, a door opens, and an unfortunately familiar face is revealed
>Miss Juke Joint Jezebel herself
>Simultaneously, you and MacCork both say
"Oh no, J."
>You turn to face each other, and then back at J

>>364835

>Be Pavo
>Win
How the fuck do I get that kind of power?

>>364843
>J is glaring daggers at the both of you
>She turns to MacCork
>"Ian."
>Then to you
>"Anon."
>She inhales and puts her hands together
>Gleep skitters to J and weakly kicks her in the shin repeatedly
>"Take that! Vicious fiend! Hateful demon! Oh, how I hate you! Damn you, damn you, damn you!"
>MacCork places his hand on Gleep's shoulders
>"Okay, that's enough. This is a peace talk. We're here for peace time. We're all gonna have fun, and nobody's gonna fight."
>His eyes shift around
>"Does everybody understand?"
>J pinches the space on her face where a nose would be
>"Crystal-clear."
>You retreat to the tent
>J sits with her legs crossed and arms folded, tapping her peg foot
>Gleep sits in a high chair, shaking his fists, and fuming silently
>MacCork clears his throat
>"Okay, so here's what I've been told. Imperial ships are showing up, and that's not something that happens a lot around here. Last time you guys showed up, a bunch of people died-"
>J rolls her eyes
>"-So you showing up again has everybody scared. Let's just rip the band-aid here, J: What is it you want here?"
>J leans forward, fingers steepled over her mouth, barely concealing a fake smile
>"As I'm sure most are aware, a nation's economy depends on growth, and risky ventures are sometimes necessary to ensure that-"
>Gleep pounds his fists on the table
>"Lies! LIES! You have come to plunder us and condemn us to the great darkness of Shoosh!
>"Okay, Gleep, remember what I said about peace. Now, J, can you tell us how exactly you're gonna stimulate the economy or whatever by sending your scouts here?"
>J's smile becomes more genuine, but also malicious
>"Let's say, hypothetically speaking, that such events transpired as to necessitate a forceful acquisition of raw materials-"
>"Okay, what kinda raw materials?"
>J winces and the glare returns to her face, forcing her to don her fake smile once more
>"In the interests of Imperial policy, it pains me to say that I'm not at liberty to divulge-"
>Once more, Gleep's outburst cuts through J's bullshit
>"The beast speaks naught but LIES again! She seeks the tectonic hydrocarbon lifeblood of our world!"
>"Oil! Of course it's oil! J, is that true?"

>>364851
>J's eyes shift
>"Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyes."
>"Okay, and what's all this crap about forceful acquisition?"
>J opens her mouth slightly and inhales, as if she were to continue her routine, but instead decides to drop the act
>"Ian, you know that we need oil to live."
>"And I need alcohol to not kill myself, but you don't see me robbing a liquor store, do you?"
>"I don't know what you do with your life, and I don't care! So what if we just take what we want? What are you gonna do about it? You already lost to us once! You couldn't survive again!"
>"Oh yeah, well guess what? We learned somethin', we taught that lesson to Smibnor, and I think you should learn it too: There's always someone stronger! You may think you're the biggest, baddest bitch around, but there's always someone worse!"
>J bursts into laughter
>"Oh, you think that's funny?"
>J struggles to regain her composure
>"You really think there's something out there stronger than us?"
>"Well, what if there was? What would you do?"
>J raises her finger, but stops
>She looks down and to her side
>Is that a bit of shame on her face?
>"If there were something big and bad out there, and it came for you, no one in the galaxy would try to help you. That's why you don't steal shit from your neighbors! You mow Old Man Jenkin's lawn today, and he shoots the crackhead who tries to steal your car tomorrow!"
>J clutches her chest and stands up
>"I'll be back."
>You lean in to MacCork
"Where's she going?"
>"You don't wanna know."
>When J returns, she looks oddly relieved
>"On behalf of our beloved Empress, peace be upon her, I am prepared to submit an offer to the Greys of Zeta Reticuli."
>MacCork turns to Gleep
>"Alright, Gleep, are you ready to hear her?"
>"Oh, so be it, if it means the continued safety and prosperity of our people."

>>364854
>What followed was mostly dry business talk, but you learned a few important things
>Smibnor ran afoul of The Solver during the crisis, so the Empire had an abundance of Smibnarian wreckage
>The Smibnarians had better hyperdrives than anything made by JCJ or Boxon, but only the Greys have the means to refurbish and recycle the parts
>And so, in exchange for petroleum products, notably in excess of anything the Trappist system could produce, the Greys would receive Smibnarian tech which they could then trade to Trappist more robust protection
>in J's own words, the affair was deemed "equitable"
>As you depart, you feel like you learned something but you're not really sure what
>"So Anon, whaddya think?"
"If I'm gonna be honest, you kinda came across like a jerk at first."
>"Come on, man. You know what J's like. You heard all that corporate BS she was spewin'."
"Well, yeah, that's true."
>"Aight. So you know why I had to do that."
"Kinda. I just thought there'd be more, political mumbo-jumbo talk or something like that."
>"Anon, I'm just gonna spell this out for you. You gotta be the adult in the room. You gotta be the man of the house."
"So you gotta be assertive?"
>"Well, yeah, but you also gotta know when someone's givin' ya the business."
"The business?"
>"Y'know, when they're sayin' a whole buncha crap that doesn't really mean anything cause they're tryna screw ya. That's the business."
"That sounds like what you do the Chaplain when you want free wine."
>"That's different."
"How?"
>"Liquor fills an important role in my self-actualization. Plus, I'm not a killer vampire robot. A killer vampire robot who eats people. We're dealing with killer vampire robots who eat people, and liquor helps me do that."
"So if I drink more, will that help me too?"
>"No."
"But-"
>"No. No more lessons for today."

Up next: J's report to Uzi.