/co/ - Comics & Cartoons
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Stan Pines gazed at the subtle wake left by the S.S. Cheapskate. It was an old boat once used for fishing on open water, but had now been repurposed to serve as a racing vehicle. Specifically, they had painted "SCAM Inc." on the side in big letters. He turned to his partner. "Can't this thing go any faster?"
To Stan's annoyance, Mr. Krabs was relaxing on a lounge chair and sipping from a tall glass of lager. "Don't worry," the old crab assured him, "Those other racers don't know a thing about navigating on open water. They're probably going in circles as we speak!" He took an excessive swig of his drink.
"Can we at least start the engine? We've been out here for almost an hour. We're never gonna reach the finish line at th-" He was cut off by the roar of a hovercraft overhead. It was the Chum Bucket, who had just overtaken them. Plankton's voice rang out from a speaker attached to his vehicle.
"Just thought I'd stop by to check up on my old business partner. See you at the finish line, Krabs! Eh he ha ha ha!"
At the words the stingy crustacean bolted up in his seat. "Plankton!" he bellowed, before turning to his teammate. "Well, what are ye standin' there for? Start the engine, we'll never reach the finish line at this rate!"
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Spongebob Soundtrack - Dangerous A
Elsewhere, the shadow of a great blimp swallowed the water's surface. It was the imposing form of DICK AIR, piloted by the down but not out Dick Dastardly. "Those fools, kicking me out of the competition!" he mumbled feverishly. "I might not be able to win this race, but I can certainly run it into the ground!" He raised his voice to a shout. "Muttley! Release the clams!"
A great hatch opened on the underside of the mighty airship. From it spilled forth a plethora of underfed clams eager to eat the remaining racers. Dick cackled to himself as the beasts fanned out, until a passing gust carrying the Miser duo tipped his ride off course.
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"We've got giant clams inbound!"
"So? Do something about it!", the poultry-based automaton barked to his drill-handed friend. "Surely there must be something on this submarine that can take of them!" The submarine in question was Robotnik's Getaway Submarine, Getaway Getaway Sub-marine, which had been borrowed for the purposes of traversing the aquatic terrain.
Grounder examined the control panel before him. Each button was labeled with a fitting yet frustratingly vague symbol. This wasn't an issue though, as Grounder knew exactly what button he was looking for. "How about the electricity cannon?"
"Perfect!" Scratch's grin grew wide and devious. "Fire when ready!"
Grounder slammed his drill-hand on the button. Towards the front of the ship, a large cannon emerged, charged, and fired. Needless to say, activating an electric cannon underwater was not a very good idea. Though the clams were repulsed, the static waves spread outward throughout the water. Scratch and Grounder, being stationed directly at ground zero, received the brunt of the blast. When they next surfaced, both they and their vehicle were covered in soot.
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"Ye better hold onto somethin!" the panicked crab cried to his conman companion. "This clams is awful feisty! I got a plan though!" He swung a fishing line over his head, carefully considering the trajectory and force needed. With a mighty heft he tossed the hook, landing it right on the rearmost point of plankton's craft.
Plankton felt a jolt as he took on the extra weight of Eugene's freighter. His ship wasn't all that big, as he was the size of a blade of grass and Karen was confined to a flashdrive by his side. Krabs had pulled him to a standstill.
"You ever fought a clam before?" Krabs asked. He turned to his partner at the wheel, who gave a nod in response. "Then show that scurvy dog what for while I take care of the runt!" He began hauling Plankton's cruiser towards the deck.
It happened at once: the clam leapt forth from the waves as Stan met it in midair with a mighty uppercut. It fell back into the fold from whence it came and was met with a blast of electricity from a source we couldn't possibly even begin to guess.
Plankton attempted to eject himself from his vehicle, but he had already been pulled down to sea level. His pod flew from the fist he once called his ride and landed on the SS Cheapskate. Before the little green man could even process what had happened, he found himself gripped by the claws of a smug crustacean.
"Look, we're both adults here, right?" he pleaded, "Why don't we both go back to driving and forget this whole thing ever happened?" His offer fell on deaf ears. Mr. Krabs turned his rival towards the sea, and flicked the screaming single-cell into the blue folds of the waves.
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8. Pumpkin Party in Sea Hitler's Water Apocalypse - Homestuck Vol. 9
Lay-deez and Gennelmun, we return once more to the /co/ Tag Team Tournament! Round 3 saw our 32 racers scoot across the waters of Bikini Atoll. And while the previous round's losers enjoy a bonfire celebration down below, you all get to see the winners and get splashed by them as they pass. Don't complain, you knew those cheap tickets were too good to be true. Thankfully none of our Irken racers made it this far into the competition or they would be having a horrible time right now!
Right, right, the racers. Here they come now! In first place is the North Pole Express. Wilkins takes second, but honestly he might was well be a team of one. Wontkins ain't looking to good there, I think he might need a transfusion or something. SCAM Inc. sails into third, looking especially cheerful even though their boat is a complete piece of shit. It's the Divine Miguel and Tulio in fourth, with track darlings WALL-E and EVE in fifth.
The Disney Duo takes 6th, with the Heroes of Pure Heart earning 7th. Queen's finest in 8th and Duality of Frog in 9th. Waves are getting quite rough out there, be careful. Fake Santas fly into 10th.
Wander Over Sylvia rides into 11th, and the Dapper Dealers ride into 12th. The Goofy Goobers show off their sea legs by taking 13th. Home field advantage does wonders, you know. Trolberg Jumpers in 14th, but they're bringing a strong wind with them. Mayhaps they pissed off some weather deities? Don't know where they'd find those though. Assholish AS Duo take 15th, and the Cracking Cheese Lovers finish in 16th after demonstrating difficulties with their lack of waterproofing. Can you believe we're already done? These rounds are getting short! Ah well, I'm sure a bunch of shit happened that I didn't see.
And yep, there goes the audience. Completely capsized. Hoo, we're gonna need a lot of refunds to patch that up. I'd better end this before things escalate any further. Join us tomorrow when our racers take a trip down to H-E-double stockings. You'll find it all on the way-out Wacky Races. Signing off!
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THREAD THEME
Half-Life [Music] - Diabolical Adrenaline Guitar
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