/coc/ - Projects
Due to the recent cyberattacks on 4chan, the boards are currently on Red Alert.
Stay vigilant.
Stay vigilant.
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All /co/ Creations and Characters, Third Edition.
Settings and other projects also welcome.
Second edition is still good as of posting this one, but they're saying everything's getting moved to the archives soon.
There's a wiki now for these:
http://the-conservatory.wikia.com/wiki/The_/co/nservatory_Wiki
If any character or project is already popular enough (as in art, stories, or in-depth interest) then they'll probably have their own thread, so this one is more for miscellaneous discussion of new or underdeveloped things.
Also of interest
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1b_kW_QkFSAeCjGVP51kVG6J10gR8YLStcNpzPh-ARC0/edit
For a lot of the misc. info that hasn't ended up on the wiki yet.
/coc/ t-shirts when?
Bee's Knees, Appladay, and Flying Brick in a three wolf moon style
Comeleon blasting at Ladybug, the lasers doing that Pink Floyd dark side of the moon effect
Justice Coalition on the front, Justice Comrades on the back, JL silhouetted. Both have 'the original J-/co/' under
Replies:>>50790
This new board style is kind of weird.
I did some spring cleaning, split the coc doc in twain. Links to the other pages are at the top of each.
I find it odd we were starting earlier and earlier before, and now we are starting later and later.
Crossovers >>50801 crossovers everywhere.
Replies:>>50813
Supermoms writefag here, I wrote a short little /co/ventures script featuring /co/lette, /co/nnie, and Facepunch. Gonna post it here so it doesn't disappear when the /coc/ thread I posted it in dies.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/09pyz5n4abfhma8/coc1.celtx
https://www.dropbox.com/s/p3yvhapgqspqcbv/coc1.html
>>50810
Makes me think the guy writing the Inva stories might want to do the same.
But 4chan is down as of posting this, so I cannot pass that idea along to him.
Replies:>>50815
If Inva guy ever peruses here, just wanted to say that if his intention was to have a bunch of elves follow her footsteps it might not work. The administrators could spin it as a multimedia bonanza, making movies out of an actress imitating her.
It's like I'm at a camp. I am compulsed to captcha/flush but I can't.
>>50814
We know it's a set up for a future plot hook, but it doesn't have to be anytime soon.
Now the anon doing the Inva stories has a pretty good span of time to play with before she gets to Neo-Australia and meets up with The Pineapple Cake crew.
Replies:>>50823
Is this the right place?
Hello I am the writer guy who does the Inva stories (plus wrote a lot of shit back in the day for the wiki etc).
Replies:>>50824
>>50822
Yep, this is the right place.
So we were talking about space peace keepers and how Inva would deal with them right before the thread on /co/ 404'd.
>>50823
So we were, I imagine. Poor Inva, she's becoming rather notorious already and we haven't even shown her commit a crime yet (unless I missed one in the logs).
Replies:>>50827
>>50824
Well, her very existance is a crime at this point.
Also, those two proposed villains: a male peace keeper agent, and a female fascist.
Replies:>>50827
>>50824
Only crimes listed in the logs are minor ones on Neo-Australia. Things like disturbing the peace and obstruction of justice (n the sense of some vigilantism), but the locals didn't really care enough to arrest her.
Things that happen on the human colony world wouldn't transfer over into her space file since the PKs don't give a shit about humans yet.
I'm thinking PK territory would be scattered and not a solid area.
Replies:>>50828
>>50825
I think a whole team of Azalfi PK agents was suggested, sounded like a plan.
>>50826
That's cool. I just don't want her to become some sort of super-important figure. Like the whole of Azalfi peace relies on getting her back or some destiny shit like that.
I just think of her as one scoundrel among millions in the galaxy, just one from an unusual race.
Replies:>>50829
>>50827
Wasn't the original idea of the Peacekeepers that they use the people's own to police them? Similar to the Green Lanterns using locals, only in a more villainous light. It makes sense that there'd be Azalfi members of the force chasing her down in her own local system. And giving them different opinions and politics helps to get rid of the implication that everyone is a robot but Inva. There's different people, but their largely variations on a theme, rather than Inva who makes her own theme.
>>50828
The PKs are still really poorly defined. I don't think they should borrow too heavily from lantern concepts, but yes, using a species' own was one of their things.
Another was doing mandatory recruitment of a certain percent of each world's population that they are protecting.
But since we haven't actually done anything with them yet, we can still pick and choose which aspects we want to use.
It's like how the spice cultists were being talked about like they were villains, but their actually just hot-blooded chefs. At worst they'd be Gary Oaks.
Replies:>>50831
I like the idea that the PK's are extremely heterogenous, so that different "precincts" are governed by eccentric local PK chiefs who may have very different ideas about how to go about stamping out crime, or even what constitutes a crime. One precinct may have some fat Jabba the Hutt fucker in charge who is basically running it like a protection racket, another may have a super by-the-book Judge Dredd guy who clamps down on passing ships for having a smudgy registration number or a lewd decal on the hull. In others it may be a reasonable guy or girl who is just trying to get by.
That way you can easily also make stories where the stand-up PK from a law-abiding precinct ends up having to go beyond his jurisdiction and work in one that's totally corrupt, and similar.
This also works well with the idea that lots of different species work inside the organziation, though I will caution that some species should probably still be rare if their mentality is rather unlike the organized one the PK's run. Like spice cultists would rarely get involved, or Azalfi.
Replies:>>50832
>>50830
There has to be something that ties in all the different precincts together though, like some kind of central management.
Maybe there was a Cruixir disaster that spurred the organization into existence some dozens of generations ago and each branch has an agreement about which threats merit the full force of the organization.
Replies:>>50834
>>50831
They probably have overseers from the main Peacekeeper species, but attitudes to them are probably liable to change depending on the people. The male agent presented would probably be all down for them since he would see the mission and the law being the highest priority, while the female agent would be in it for her own people since fascism is inherently nationalistic.
Replies:>>50835
So, more like what I understand the world government in One Piece is?
If we ever get to the point of making a crisis we could have the peacekeepers come to Earth, 'recruiting' for this sector of space and to weaken the government the Teuthoids pretty much run. But that's me thinking looong term.
>>50832
I don't think that it's a species that oversees the organization.
More like an alliance, but an alliance between who should be left ambiguous.
>>50833
The way I'm doing it, the Teuthoids aren't even in any parts of space where the PKs exist, they're in different spiral arms and there is very little talk between arms going on since there's a very big, mostly empty, distance between them that few ever bother venturing through.
There was some interaction a long, LONG time ago, but nothing happened outside of some races becoming aware of each other.
I have a plan near the end of the Teuthoid arc to change up the dynamics through trade routes, but I'm not going to go into detail since posting the plot outlines when it's not a comic usually kills any potential interest.
Replies:>>50839
I would picture the PK's as the american police as portrayed in Hollywood movies. There is a central agency, a board somewhere distant that ostensibly sets policy and oversees. There are internal inspections and reports. But within the PK space there are THOUSANDS of precincts, and this is way way beyond what any kind of top-down control can handle. As such each PK "chief" (whatever we want to title them) has a very large say on jurisdiction, and only has to really worry about extremely infrequent inspection tours. They may not even come once in any PK officer's career! Whether the central PK agency is benevolent, indifferent or malevolent I would leave up to interpretation, but I have no plans in involving it anywhere. It exists, somewhere very far away.
I would not separate the established races way too far, personally, just for the simple reason that part of the charm of a space opera type setting (which this certainly is, much more than hard SF or anything) is to have the different species interact. Territories separated, sure, but not too distant. Perhaps inside the same quarter of the galaxy, or something, with possible "outsider" races arriving from beyond.
Side note: I have a very concrete short story in the works about the Vreen, which I previously hinted at in the third Inva story. There's a plan there, I promise, it's just that I don't want to blow it all in a text piece first.
Finally, I hope there's no danger that I'm killing the character of Inva by writing about her. If any of you feel that way, especially Log-anon, then i will immediately drop the writing, and you can of course consider everything I've done non-canonical anyway.
Replies:>>50840
Trying to fit everything together while leaving plenty of room for more:
The old Azalfi empire on the Perseus arm, their greatest extent being around 15,000ly across.
Besides the core worlds, it's now a mishmash of feudal Ssura and PK. Pacifying Ssura makes slow expansion.
The Vreen... presence on the outer arm. Maybe they traveled slowly before Azalfi made hyperdrives known.
Teuthoid gov on the Sagittarius arm, resource oriented so every system is incorporated, so slow expansion.
Teuthoid gov and PK are starting to claim opposite ends of our Orion spur.
Not that I don't mind, but where are the other /coc/ people? Nobody wants to talk about lewdibutt or Shark Lass or /co/ntainment here?
>>50836
>I would not separate the established races way too far
See, I'm playing this as "the galaxy is big, really big, much bigger than most people even think the universe is and that means the the universe is just that much more incomprehensibly big".
The Teuthoids are in a different spiral arm, it's like the Brits and the Chinese back in the day sort of thing. The races know there are other races really far away, but don't make much effort to interact unless it is convenient.
Convince can be dammed for all Cookie cares, he went out into space to see things no human has ever seen before, and then to see things that haven't been seen before by whatever new things he encounters.
>I hope there's no danger that I'm killing the character of Inva by writing about her.
There is absolutely no danger of that happening, if anything your stories are breathing life into her.
I'm the one writing the logs, I consider all the Inva stories to be canon and draw from them while writing her in the logs.
Before you started writing for Inva the only thing I had planned for her before joining the crew of the Pineapple Cake was that she'd been on Neo-Australia for some undetermined amount of time, working for the same delivery company that Desert Buckler works for, escorting/protecting armored road trains from the radiation filled coastal farmlands to the safe inlands.
She was going to be unaffected by whatever strange radiation causes 10% of humans exposed to it to mutate a little.
Replies:>>50841
>>50838
No one is using the new /coc/ board yet aside from us and the supermoms crowd.
Until the old boards get moved to archive, a lot of people will stick to their "/coc/ is inactive and dead, so I don't want to post there because it's inactive and dead" mentality.
Ladybug could have her own thread on here, issue 3 of the Lovely Ladybug came out fairly recently (when I typed these words), so there would be something to talk about in it.
The General Freedom comic and other Justice Coalition series would also get discussed there.
Shark Lass hasn't had much activity lately, don't know when Mandingo is going to get back to that.
And back to /co/smic stuff
I'd rather have it that the Teuthoids are still working on claiming all of their arm, because even one arm is unimaginably huge.
I'm making it one of my goals to make sure we never downplay just how fucking big the galaxy is.
It's so big that no race has ever seriously attempted to get to the nearest other galaxy because they've never been able to fully explore this one.
>>50840
I was think that empires/coalitions etc would expand in a sphere, not linear. If they're close to the spurn it wouldn't make sense to -not- venture to it. The fact that we humans even know they exist would mean they are near.
Plus, we're kind of a bridge. Hold the bridge, stem the army onthe other side. We might be a no-mans land between superpowers.
Anyways, back to Destiny stream and hopefully motivation.
>>50841
To me, it'd make more sense to expand to where there are more resources.
The space between arms is relatively empty compared to the space inside of the arms, so it makes sense to me to expand along the arm.
Plus inside the arm is fuck huge. You could expand in a sphere for 1,000 light years in all directions and still never leave the arm.
I think what /co/llator means is that territories are three-dimensional. You spread "up" and "down" from the galactic plane as well as out in the spiral arm. Thus territories are big spheres, or blobs. I tried making a map to illustrate the Azalfi expansion and contraction of territory but I haven't figured out how to do it.
I think the Ssura are pretty much all over since they tend to go nomadic and wander around looking for new technology to piler. They thus pop off little colonies everywhere. I have this idea that maybe each little Ssura fleet is like a pride of predators. There's an alpha couple who rule it, and as long as they are the strongest and canniest they stay in control, and if the population on the Ssura ships gets too big they drop some off at the nearest M-class planet, and so leave a trail of them in their wake. Eventually the alpha couple get too old and weak, or just get conspired against and get defeated and dropped off themselves. Or just killed.
The basic idea is that Ssura were uplifted at a point when they weren't ready for it, and thus are still very animalistic for a spacefaring species.
I'm pretty okay with the american-chinese simile, too.
I'll get to some more traditional planetary adventures for Inva eventually. I have a few ideas floating around at the moment. First off I want to rewrite the first chapter from scratch. Then possibly expand Iro's story into a full story of its own.
>>50774
I was going through some pics I had saved, saw this one and thought of your post.
Replies:>>50869
I'm both thrilled and saddened when the thread is this active. Meta discussion followed by brainstorming jailbait, the character. Could be worse I'll admit. Maybe next week the comic anons will be back.
Replies:>>50871
>>50868
Comics take time to make.
Right now the ones in progress are
-Amazing /co/ventures
-Bees Knees (or something like a comic I think)
-Duet
And then there's the guy making something with Lovely Ladybug, Mighty Mantis, Bees Knees, and Alpha from the /co/ntainment B.U.G. thing.
You can't expect there to be a constant stream of updates with comics.
Duet comic will be done when it's done. We worked out the script nice and fast, but it takes a while to get the pages done.
>>50869
Yeah. We worked out the script and layout for the Duet comic pretty quickly, but actually getting the pencils done takes a while. I'm really keen to see the later pages myself, though, because of the cameo stuff that ties it into the /coc/ verse
And now there's a boob chart for some of the project stars.
Replies:>>50884
I read the comments on the Inva story, thanks. Looks like I have got quite a lot to do when I get back to that.
I don't really feel I'm contributing much to the /co/ threads.
That's some vicious slander your brain just thought up.
Your one of the guys I look forward to every thread.
Replies:>>50885
>>50881
No one really feels like they're contributing much until there's some kind of art being made based on something they've been involved with in those threads.
At least that's what I've noticed.
Replies:>>50886
>>50884
It's a little of that. Mostly that only you guys really even read texts and comment.
But I also got some bad reviews from friends on that story, who thought it was way too bloated with exposition.
And still no good Inva pic out there, yeah.
Sorry, don't mean to be a whiner.
Replies:>>50887
>>50885
The whole /co/smic thing is turning out to be sort of a beta test for written stuff in /coc/.
I don't think that many people are reading the logs, but it's not like I'm going to stop doing them because of it.
The main thing I've gotten out of /coc/ are that ideas take a while to catch on, and I mean really catch on. Like 6 months to a year after initial chatter is usually when an idea will start to go somewhere if it's going to go somewhere.
If you still feel selfconscious about it, try visiting one of the threads where Batman yells at you to work on your writing, or one of /tg/'s writefag threads.
Replies:>>50888
>>50886
I'm not really worried about writing in general, man. I'm just worried about MY writing.
Maybe I'll try and write one of the other two stories I have thought out so far and leave the (heavy) revision of the origin story for another day.
Oh and by the way, I found the Teuthoid-anon.
Replies:>>50889
>>50887
What's the Teuthoid-anon been up to?
Also, I think I need to reevaluate what I said earlier.
It's not until someone is making porn of something that you're working on, that's when you know there's lasting interest.
>>50888
I am both dreading and anticipating the day we see Inva porn, although honestly Iro porn would be more amusing to me.
I found Teuthoid-anon in /tg/ of all places, discussing alien race design. He posted the teuthoid design sheet, which is how I spotted him from the catalog. I told him we'd love to have him back in the threads so he can answer questions for us. Dunno if he will, but he did acknowledge the post.
Replies:>>50892
I was thinking about making some of the cast a bit more unique, and what if the female Peacekeeper captain is crippled. Not to a wheelchair-bound degree, but she needs a cane to walk?
>>50891
We're in space, give her a mini leg mounted anti-gravity thing or a mini jetpack on her leg.
Replies:>>51158
I'm pretty well aware of how bland and monotone the space logs I've been witting are.
Honesty I was hoping that other people would've joined in on it like what happened with the Lantern Logs, but that'll probably never happen since the presentation is too different, i.e. writing the after thoughts of characters from a show as if they were going crazy compared to making up completely new content in a format where everything is in past tense.
I'm not going to stop doing them, but I would like to get better at it or at least make them more interesting, somehow. I'm not sure how to do that though since I mainly started writing them just to keep momentum going with the /co/smic /co/verse concept rather than letting it fizzle out, I guess I succeeded in that regard at lest.
Current detours I'm thinking about, but haven't developed any:
-Aa planet where it's so hot, rocks evaporate during the day and rain down during the night.
-Something to do with a nitrogen geyser
-A planet with a sea of methane and some weird plants growing at the bottom
-An alcohol nebula snared in a young, piss drunk star's gravity
Any input?
Dunno, you got my input at end of last thread.
Progress:
Mapped out Appladay's first year with the wiki info. That's about three fourths of the Orchard of Evil's characters.
Second half of Azalfi mythology carved out, six visible planets/toids. Azal Prime being the innermost.
Storm raging, internet flickering on and off. Fuck.
Last thread was pretty good, lots of discussion going lots of different ways. Love how Erin is getting built up every time.
Strange, can't post any pics from phone. Asks to turn on camera or sound recording instead of gallery.
The current last thread 404'd before I could get back to it. It seems from 3am - 10am is an almost total dead time for them.
I was finally making some headway on The Pineapple Cake's interior.
Weird.
Maybe we should move them to Wednesdays? Monday morning seems to be when 10-tan is strongest.
Replies:>>51161
>>51158
And I might as well post this too since I still am open to feedback, even though it's pretty crude .
Replies:>>51188
>>51161
I didn't want to post a bunch of WIPs in the thread since it's gonna be here for a few... years.
Right now I'm just hoping to get the exterior look more polished.
Replies:>>51202
>>51162
Well if nobody else is going to use this board/thread, someone should. This isn't intended as an archive.
A /tg/ thread inspired me, think I'll do some MYTHIC era story stuff. Does the fae stuff have an up to date infodump? Heard there was a pastebin, but that was months ago
I loathe dice, but I love their world building. I love their mountains of ideas, but hate its transience.
>>51188
The fae stuff is mostly collected in the Hummingbird story.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/zem8ep8pwr72clg/the%20hummingbird%20girl.rtf
Most of the setting info has been condensed on a wiki page
http://the-conservatory.wikia.com/wiki/Tir_Tairngire
Though it's starting to become out of date since more stuff has developed with the fae and Otherworld since then, like the ocean fae, the harpies, and whatever other races are in that pocket dimension.
Replies:>>51207
Once again, time for panic modo
https://blog.foolz.us/2014/08/14/foolz-archives-farewell/
>>51206
Well, fortunately I had already saved all the threads linked to on the wiki back during the April Fools nonsense. All this means is that all future /coc/ threads on /co/ will need to be saved before they 404 if no one steps up and takes foolz off the current owners hands.
If someone else would feel so inclined, then they could go through foolz saving every single /coc/ thread that has been archived there.
I think someone did that already, but I'd rather have confirmation than just assume they did.
We'll just have to create a mediafire or mega archive of zipped threads. Nothing new for me, I've been doing that for years now with other threads... which is kind of sad I guess.
Replies:>>51209
I suspect there are only one or two people here, but is this a good 'guide' to creating a character?
http://pastebin.com/b3uV7kk8
Replies:>>51210
>>51208
I feel like explicitly stating the race of a character has just as much potential to derail a thread then not specifying.
As soon as that word gets brought up, everyone starts flinging shit at the fan because of the year of problems it caused the threads.
Also, what do you think about the Q&A on the front page of the wiki?
Replies:>>51211
>>51209
Noted.
IMO, which I don't hold highly, the frontpage of the wiki should look like a frontpage or an index. Right now it's hard to find out what you don't know about already. Possibly divide into categories like: completely OC, mash ups, /co/razy antics. i.e. /co/verse, trinity and Cynthia von Doom, grieve-tan and M&M Show.
As for the Q&A itself, a bit wordy for the frontpage. Conduct is a bit silly of a thing to put there considering the userbase, and it made me think 'the hulks weight in bees' would be on the wiki considering what it says is OC.
Once again I consider my opinion shit, others would likely not care about half of this stuff.
Replies:>>51212
>>51210
See, I have no idea how to do anything fancy with the wiki. I had to look at /tg/'s wiki just to figure out how to do that thing at the top with the board blue.
The conduct thing came about because of edit wars, the one guy who tried deleting almost everything back in 2013, and the other guy who started shit over "copyrights".
Hulk's Weight in Bees actually could be on the wiki as a meme, but I tend to shy away from adding meme articles since there's a lot of stigma over memes all across 4chan. Spreadsheet Anon's intention for the wiki was for it to be for anything /co/ made up, but most people seem to think it is /co/verse exclusive; I'll add things that aren't /co/verse, but only if I'm actually aware of them.
I'm open to any suggestions about the Q&A, anything that needs to be added or trimmed, things that need better clarification, etc.
Replies:>>51217
>>51211
Didn't know about the edit wars.
Hulk's weight in bees is more of a though exercise, I see it cited from time to time like Schrodinger's cat.
I see the /co/verse weight as a result of the nature of it. Where other things come and go, /coc/ tries to make an expanding cast. Most banter on /co/ is about existing properties or Donut Steel webcomics.
Could make a small article for hypercrisis, link it to http://hypercrisis.wikia.com/wiki/The_Hypercrisis_Wiki or the doc for it.
I just feel the Q&A isn't the best way to describe it all, at least on the front page.
My coffee high is running out.
Refinder senpai noticed my Webb reboot.
>>51212
I noticed the Webb reboot when it was first posted, then I forgot about it when the thread 404'd, then I remembered it when I head foolz might be going away.
There's probably some Heartbreaker reboot stuff that still needs to be tracked down as well.
Let's all try to avoid another total archive loss like what happened in 2010.
Well that was a rather sudden 404. It usually takes longer than just an hour and a half for a thread to 404 on /co/.
-There was some more talk about the fishing trip to the Titian-like moon. Along with a time loop.
-A mini comic featuring /co/lette, Samefag, Manny Quinn, and Nicky Two-Vests got finished.
-An action sequence in the form of text about Fistress fighting the Full Body Beat Down merc. group.
-A lot of idle chatter about Britainment, Erin, Fantomas and the dimension hopping /co/axials, along with other misc. projects like a toon villain for Carnevalor.
And Lovely Ladybug issue 0 is out.
All of the boards have been sped up a little for some reason. Spooky stuff.
-/d/ oc thread, go get you're /d/icking and fisting while it lasts.
-That was a fakeout loop. It was dimensional sliding.
Also, MULTIVERSITY is out. It's relevant.
/g/ seems to have actually slowed down, at least compared to the pace I'm used to from it. Not entirely relevant since it's not much of a board for character making. Cyberpunk and Retrocomputing could be an interesting basis for a character, though.
Alright, Inva finally has a page on the wiki. I've been trying to get some shit together other the past few days.
Now, I'd like to add a story page on the wiki and put this
http://pastebin.com/SLjn2hzg
on it, but I heard the story might still be going through revisions and wanted to ask about it first since I know the Inva writer anon will probably see it here eventually.
Replies:>>51457
Anyone have any ideas for a graphic wordmark (it'd have to be 260 x 65 pixels) and a favicon (16 x 16 pixels) for the wiki?
Replies:>>51458
>>51455
Every letter a different style, representing the different eras and genres.
Favicon of a lesbian symbol or something because that's the main discussion for the past year.
No really an itsy bitsy Cove, or a comic book/graphic novel.
>>51457
Yeah, the floating city is what I was thinking of using as the favicon, I just need to pick which version to use.
Hmm... thread on /co/ died in the 6am - noon hours, huh? If only there was a place to continue dicussion throughout the week until it's time for the next thread to be made. Oh, wait...
So someone was asking
>What is conrad's office like? Is it in a run down building or some sort of respectable office complex? Is it lived-in or brand new? Some sort of cluttered? What's the decor like?
I think his office would have the essential office stuff. The entrance connected to at least a medium sized room with a desk in the middle of it, a swivel chair that's only able to swivel one way without getting stuck, a map posted on the wall with pins stuck in it and notes that no sane person would probably understand, a book shelf stacks of comics on it and maybe some books on the upper shelves, a window with blinds that has a view of the street. Maybe some framed newspaper clippings up on the walls of successes he's had, maybe some failures as well to serve as reminders.
There should be a connecting door to an apartment behind the office with more stacks of comics blocking view from another, much bigger map with even more notes and lines connecting things on it. There should also be a computer in this room, a decent one, not a 10 years old one, but one that's not brand new either.
The office could be in the Noir District of /co/ve to give it that detective feel, or it could be in the Modern Day District if he's working for /co/ & Friends Insurance.
Replies:>>51675
Last thread did go places with Britainment's cast.
>>51674
Yeah, and Anastasia also ended up joining them.
She's tried doing the superhero thing, but that didn't work, now she's doing the government agent thing.
>>51675
Also seemingly de-aged a bit, as she was (as the idea said) to take on a role that's almost sisterly with Strummer.
As well as her trying to be "rebellious" by dying her hair (but nothing stronger than that; it would be irresponsible to go too far), only to fuck it up and end up looking really silly and everyone (even Marion, and the suit of armor without a head) found it funny. I think the comparisons were "color of a highlighter pen" and "treefrog".
Replies:>>51678
Replies:>>51679
Replies:>>51680
>>51678
>Keep that shit in the normal /co/ threads.
I don't think you should discount the possibility for a homsexual romance just because you don't like it.
>>51680
This is the projects board.
Everyone inserts their fetish into everything here, sans the Wakfu threads.
Looks like the thread died in the night again. 3am to daylight hours seems to be the dead zone for them.
Well hopefully the topic of bio-robot masked wrestlers will come up again next thread.
Replies:>>51684
>Tats almost always drawn with camera
>No one's done a "Where's you camera? Aren't you--aren't you gonna take some pictures?" "Pictures of what?" comic yet
Poor show, everyone.
Threads keep dying in the night before more new stuff can get posted in them.
Replies:>>51818
There's a lot of stuff happening in the /coc/ threads lately, namely the Cosmic Crusaders comic.
But also more of the Lovely Ladybug comic and, much more recently, the Golden Girl project.
>>51795
Guess that's gonna be slow going until November.
And lately the /coc/ threads on 4chan /co/ haven't been able to make it past Sunday night.
>410 - RIP ARCHIVE.MOE
>Yes. I am now making this official: effective immediately we are shutting down
archive.moe. I have encountered numerous mistakes and issues which makes me
believe that I am no longer suitable to host the archives. The most recent
problem being a hardware failure resulting in the lost of our database and some
backups. I will be providing links to the latest working database backup we
have available, which is dated 2015-06, over the next few days. Regrettably
this means that 4 months of textual data has been lost. This data loss affects
the database only. I will also be transferring any projects I've provided
hosting for to more suitable individuals.
>The dump will be available at the following address: https://archive.moe/dump/
Well, shit.
If anyone has an archive of the /coc/ threads, would you mind sharing it?
Now that plus4chan has switched from .org to .net, how do I access the old archived boards?
I need to update the wiki with links that work and swapping out .org for .net doesn't work for the links to the threads on the old boards.
/co/ had a thread right this second where people drifted to talking about /co/lette and her conception, which led to a repeat.
This qt is the result-
Comprised of details mainly taken from XJ-9, Nicole, Peridot, Pacifica.
Replies:>>52235
>>52221
She's some sort of cyborg with the robot arms instead of simply wearing gauntlets like /co/lette
Replies:>>52235
A surprising amount of different artists popped into the thread to give the design a go.
/co/leen seems to be the name most used for her so far.
Replies:>>52235
So a /co/ creation has been basically completed after only two threads huh?
She even comes with a supporting character.
Of course now that they are gonna show up in /coc/ threads there's no doubt more that can be added to their concept.
Replies:>>52237
Her origin story has not been directly established beyond her being a catgirl with transforming cyberarms and wearing jetboots.
The character herself is somewhat sassy, energetic and EXTREMELY self-confident to the point it sabotages her activities such as crimefighting because she goes TOO HARD and TOO FAST at the problem she faces. As a side-effect to such self-confidence she is naturally competitive.
Dunno about the short one, only that she's a human mad-scientist with a cat-obsession that hangs around the frankenwaifu, acting as a humorous amplifier to whatever scene she's taking part in.
>>52236
Also the scientist is a lewdbutt.
The catgirl team has been getting quite alot of attention on this week's /coc/ thread over on /co/
Well that's just embarrassing.
The thread died on Saturday.
I can't leave the thread alone for one afternoon without it up and dying.
I'm conflicted if I should even try again or just wait until next weekend.
Well that's disappointing.
Another thread that unceremoniously ended on Sunday.
I can't leave it alone for even an hour and a half without it dying on me.
We were even finally discussing what /co/lette's powers actually do and what their limits are.
Replies:>>52289
Stop bumping the thread once the weekend is over - is WEEKEND /co/ creation thread. we look pathetic...
>>52287
They're only called "weekend" because they get made on Saturday, not because they're supposed to die as soon as midnight on Sunday rolls around.
Typically they last until Tuesday.
/co/head and /v/man based on the new Cupman game.
Everyone is having fun and making fun things so I'm gonna post some pic.
Replies:>>52574
Are there going to be any teen heroes? Kinda want to see something for the Golden Girl cast. Maybe a Native American girl or boy, or some European characters
>>52573
Seasons Girls are teens and set in the UK.
Not related to Golden Girl though.
Replies:>>417254
I think Golden Girl is more alive on /aco/ than /co/
Who would have thought?
Replies:>>417261
>>417236
Define "alive" because all /aco/ does is draw porn and get into endless arguments. /co/ keeps coming up with scripts and plots.
/aco/ also ignores her characterization completely.
Replies:>>417287
>>417254
>/co/ keeps coming up with scripts and plots.
I admit I haven't frequented /co/ in a few years, but I never really saw her being posted at all, let alone plots and scripts being created. I haven't seen a new Golden Girl comic for much to long to call her alive.
You're right in that it's a bit silly to call porn threads of her being alive, but that's what I expect when their single outstanding dimension as a character is having abnormally large breasts.
As a matter of fact, the most recent non-porn comic I saw of her was made by /aco/.
Replies:>>417320
>>417261
Golden Girl hasn't even existed for a few years yet.
Last non-porn comic I saw of her came from /co/.
In the past 3 weeks the /coc/ threads have been pretty much dominated by GG by way of working on scripts. The Sorority of Sentinels, Silver Queen's Sensational Origin, BIGRAC super computer, and as of posting this not 24 hours ago GG's first encounter with Jade Empress.
Replies:>>417371
>>417287
Over two and a half years, that's almost a few.
Anyway, I'm happy to see that I'm mistaken. Thanks for updating me on GG.
>>417320
I have been busy coming up with scripts to introduce the characters properly and also establish the leading ladies' backstories properly.
One of the things I noticed after sitting back and looking at all the GG stuff as a whole, is that a lot of the stuff is not presented in a way that is accessible to the reader. There's all this "lore" (fluff), but it isn't arranged in such a way that lends itself to a story, it's just paragraphs and character summaries on the wiki.
So now I've been taking that stuff and doing my best to convert them into scripts. If nothing else, that will at least help the fluff get integrated better into the whole of the GG project.
Of course I'm not really expecting any of them to ever be drawn, I know better than that looking at both BreastQuest and Supermoms.
A day ago as of posting this, I posted a bunch of scripts in the current /aco/ thread just to see how they'd react to what GG's actual character is. It's amazing how far out of touch they are, I thought for sure more of them had read the wiki or the pastebin given how often those links are posted over there.
Once I get some feedback on the way I've condensed GG's origin, then I'll get back to Jade Empress' script. From there, the Iron Girl saga looks very incomplete to me, so that also need work. The basic ideas are there, but they're just not fully formed yet. Once all the fluff and necessary character introductions are out of the way, hopefully we can get back to the root of GG by telling jokes and using more physical humor.
One thing I am concerned about is there being too much GG discussion in the /coc/ threads. Too much of any one subject tends to poison the well after a while, but this is what everyone else is talking about lately and my writing juices are finally working for me on GG.
Aside from GG, there are other things in /coc/ I want to discuss, but there just aren't any openings or interest.
Like, I want to work on a story with Harpoonist as the main character having just become a full fledged hero in his own right during the 1980s after Spearhead retires.
Harpoonist would be investigating Carver Medical, an institution that popped up seemingly over night and has technology way ahead of what should be possible for them. The more he looks into it, the shadier they seem until he uncovers that one half of the scientists running the show is the daughter of Professor Manticore, the evil mad scientist lady who experimented on Harpoonist when he was a child!
And it'd go into him accepting that people are not defined by their lineage (despite Dr. Carver using her mother's research journal) and that she's doing more good for the world than any super has by just stopping random criminals (short of actually saving the world anyway, like from a meteroite).
That's the kind of story I'd like to work on eventually anyway.
>>417374
That sounds par for the course on 4chan. Every board I've been to has huge censoring problems. The janitors are just rampant.
Replies:>>417629
Hagfish drew Colette a few weeks back.
Replies:>>417802
I am extremely disappointed that most recent thread died on Sunday morning because of the incessant MCU spam flooding /co/.
The editor for /co/le had just gotten back too.
Replies:>>417804
>>417801
Perhaps it would be wise to start linking into this thread, so people can use it whenever /co/ is being unusable. Plus4chan exists for that very reason to begin with.
>>417802
True, it would probably be smart to direct the /co/le editor to here so shit can start getting underway again even if the threads refuse to cooperate.
Might have to make a thread just for that though, usually the editing process is full of lengthy back-and-forth discussions. I'll still have to wait until next weekend to float the idea either way.
Might be related to this thread, but the 4chan house board is getting spammed to death slowly: http://dis.4chanhouse.org/comic/
It might be time to archive whatever we can from it. They still have that old /Co/lette comic by Endpiece in there somewhere.
Replies:>>417870
I don't like his OC version of the /co/lette OC, the blatant cyborg thing thrown in is a bit much.
Psu is really weird.
REALLY
FUCKING
WEIRD
Replies:>>417891
>>417891
Petite girls are always cute, regardless of age.
When will that summer special be finished?
Oh, is this that +4chin someone mentioned last thread?
Replies:>>417903
>>417900
Indeed so.
While not currently as active as it used to be I hope you enjoy your stay.
Replies:>>417904
>>417903
I'm around. It's not really in my routine to check here super frequently though.
What sections are on your mind?
Replies:>>417907
>>417905
Sure, what do you have in mind?
Are we changing the whole thing from the ground up? Or editing what's already there?
If we're changing the whole thing then we should decide on what sort of show it is (talk show, variety show, game show, etc.) and then work from there.
Replies:>>417908
>>417906
I would say ground up, as I'm not sure the genre you started with. If you wanted the champions added in, a reality show or a sitcom ala the old Justice Friends episodes were my initial ideas. If you have other ideas for different genres, I'd love to hear 'em.
Replies:>>417909
>>417907
OK then, I'm thinking faux reality show. Start with either the camera crew sneaking into /co/le's bedroom (super meta reality 4th wall breaking show) or /co/le gets blown out of bed "That's not my usual alarm!" by some kind of super happenings (more classic sitcom reality show). First gag of the day has to be /co/le trying to get his pants on too fast to keep the fan service quota up there. Everyone loves seeing a strong back and well toned ass.
Prop the other champion stand-in actors as having form a league of something, not sure if they would be openly evil or just crazy.
That's the start of the idea I'm having for just rewriting it from the ground up.
Replies:>>417910
>>417908
What do you mean by 4th Wall breaking Show? The other idea sounds fine, but I'd like to know the other option before going with it.
The champions are a league? Like, they're trying to recruit him?
Replies:>>417911
>>417909
Like the sort of show where the camera crew are as much characters as those who are being filmed. Imagine if there was a film crew that just followed someone around all the time and recording all the things that happened. The crew is there and interacts with the characters, but they still play no role in the story. Unless you get something like a villain who kidnaps the narrator and the focus is on the villain claiming that by having the narrator, the heroes will never interfere with his plots because they will have no focus in the story, until the heroes come to rescue the narrator because they were wondering why the story hadn't started yet.
Actually, I think I want to save that one for a "Limited Run" story later on.
So let's have this one as like a "day in the life of" kind of show. /co/le comes out of his house to see what's going on and finds one of the champions announcing his challenge, then he's joined by others.
"You may have beaten us all individually before, but now we are united in defeating you!" that sort of situation.
A commercial break with them still advertising things could still work to reinforce that this is all a new show and not just more of the same.
Replies:>>417912
>>417910
Okay, I can dig it. So the Scene opens with /Co/le arising from bed, Snatching his costume, struggling to put said costume on, only to hear his name called from outside!
"/Co/le! Come out and face us!"
Rushing out of his suburban home, he looks up to see-
/Co/le: "You three! Again?"
The Three champions! Looming over him!
That sounding good so far? Gonna see if there's names to the guys before going on.
Replies:>>417913
>>417911
The scene as I imagine it opens with /co/le asleep in bed. There's a BOOM and the room shakes, but /co/le does not wake up, then there's another BOOM and /co/le falls out of bed head first, ass up. "That's not my usual alarm."
Out on his lawn the drums champion, Thunder Clap, creating shock-waves. /co/le is struggling to get his super suit on as each shock-wave shakes the whole house.
I'll try t write something out properly tomorrow after I'm done with everything that needs doing.
Things will start getting very busy for me starting on the 20th though. Not sure if I'll have time after then until after New Years.
Replies:>>417914
>>417912
No biggie, I'ts getting late on my end anyway, so this'll be my last post for today. I can probably swing by a bit earlier tomorrow, though.
So no grand reveal, just want the guy dead now kind of thing? Ok. And you said they have more in their ranks?
Replies:>>417915
>>417913
Not more in their ranks, just them teaming up. /co/le never fought them all at the same time (the cloth dummies don't count as them).
And it doesn't need to be a complete scene, it cuts to commercial break before the real action begins because that's what always happens.
Replies:>>417916
>>417914
Aaaaand back,
Yeah, okay. So /Co/le gets his costume on, ready to fight Thunder Clap.
"Ready for another round, eh Th-?"
Only for his word to be cut off by his walkway to fold underneath him, the Folding champ is there, too!
"Not just Thunder Clap!"
/Co/le Forces himself up, only to be bombarded by the neighborhood newspapers, cutting from all sides from dive bombing airplanes!
"We've joined forces to CRUSH YOU!"
Something more like that?
Replies:>>417917
>>417915
The TV blips on and we see a man sleeping peacefully in bed, a loud BOOM causes the bed and everything else in the room to lift off of the floor, but the man stays asleep. A second BOOM and the man falls half out of bed with his head on the floor, the covers now off of him with a close up of his exposed shocked face, "That's not my usual alarm." he grumbles groggily. It's /co/le, the hero of our story.
A man is heard shouting from outside his house "/co/le! You get out here and face me!"
/co/le is hoping on one leg trying to get his costume on, struggling not to trip because of the shock-waves shaking his house.
"Yeah, I hear you!"
/co/le darts out of his house and exclaims "So you're back fro another round, Thunder Clap?!"
"That's right!" the drum themed foe exclaims. "Only this time-" /co/le finds himself being flipped on his back as his sidewalk is pulled out from under him as if it were a carpet "-I didn't come alone!"
The Folding Champion makes his entrance, having turned /co/le's front yard into a fluttering mess.
"2 vs 1, huh?"
"Not so fast!" Exclaims yet another man riding on a paper bird, it's the paper champ, only he looks much buffer than before.
"3 vs 1?"
The Paper Champion reveals he has an entire flock of origami birds.
Thunder Clap continues "You may have beaten us individually in the past, but now we've teamed up to take you down!"
/co/le is back on his feet and dusted himself off "Not good odds."
"You hear that, he's scared!"
/co/le takes off like a bullet and he's all up in Thunder Clap's personal space with his fist on a collision course shouting "You should've brought even more!"
And now a world from our sponsors!
Now, do we want to do the commercials?
Replies:>>417918
>>417916
Yeah, that's good.
I'd say no on the commercials, unless you can get them to kinda fit with the people watching the TV.
Replies:>>417919
>>417917
I got busy doing other things and forgot to check here again.
So just that? Now we start the re-writes for other parts? I'd still like to figure out at what point the story will feel finished enough to be considered "done". I know it's not there yet, but I'd like to be able to recognize when it is there.
Replies:>>417920
>>417918
And I was dragged to something yesterday.
If you have anything you wanna tackle first I'm will in to look there, first. I think some smaller things might help. Like, aside from Thunder Clap, do the other champs have a name? Do they need one?
>I'd still like to figure out at what point the story will feel finished enough to be considered "done".
Man, I can really only say "once the story hits the beats we want, and the script is edited so randos can read and not find some glaring holes.
>>417919
The only one of the champions who was playing the cape game (aside from /co/le, but he was doing that before the champion thing) was the drums champ, so he has a hero name, the others only had super suits to give them power to fight /co/le.
So they wouldn't have cape names, they'd just be whatever their names are. I suppose we do need to come up with names for all of the characters.
The Paper Champ feels like a Pierre to me.
Not sure what sort of name the folding camp would have since he's a big shot movie star.
Things will become inescapably busy for me starting tomorrow.
>>417920
unrelated to /co/le but Jetpack Viking was also established as a Champion, in that his powers come from being the chosen avatar / champion of a deity. In his case, it is the north winds (Boreas), and his jetpack has had man users and appeared in many forms over history (wright brothers, Leonardo, Icarus, etc).
Replies:>>417936
>>417920
Okay, so we wanna make this more readable, And you'd prefer a screenplay structure. I'm gonna go through issue 1 and see if we can set up a more structured way of going about it. And as a quick question, You wanting narration boxes? Or, like, a narrator?
Replies:>>417938
>>417935
Is a narrator necessary? Most of the text are descriptions of the actions taking place already.
Replies:>>417939
>>417936
I suppose not, there's just some flavor text that seemed important, idk.
Sorry about ghosting, back for now.
>>417938
No worries. I'm still recovering from this nasty cold, so I'm not really at 100% yet.
Replies:>>417955
>>417953
>wrench wench
Sounds like that Batman villain, the Carpenter (her armament was several Power Tools). Even Batmans response was "seriously?". Some time later she fixed up Catwomans house.
>>417954
>I'm thinking "gremlin", but instead of destroying machines, she creates overly complicated vehicles.
>Just like the term, she's british, a tiny british woman.
Replies:>>417957
Okay,it' the other Cole guy, Back again. Had to get acclimated to my new schedule. Might not give me more time, but it'll be more frequent times to drop by.
I was thinking starting to tackle issue 1 to try and start. Unless you wanna start at the very top.
Replies:>>417958
>>417956
Start wherever you want.
I'm finally over that cold, but I'm still finding I need to work myself up to do anything now.
Give me what you find that needs fixing/re-writting and I'll work on getting into the right head space to do it.
Replies:>>417962
>>417957
Alright, gonna go throuh from the top, then. will update tomorrow with findings.
Apparently I am banned from all boards until the 2nd of February.
Someone else will need to make the thread on Saturday.
>>417960
No, it's because I made the mistake of trying to actually discuss manga on /a/ instead of taking the bait and arguing about inane shit like everyone else does on that board these days.
Anyway, to whoever does end up making the thread on Saturday, try to start it with any new pics the last thread provided you with, and if there were no new pics, then just use a classic group pic. The OP is just copypaste these days, as well as the subject.
Replies:>>417963
>>417958
Sorry for the delay, family form out of town decided to drop by.
So Here's something along the lines of how we can try to streamline the writing. note, it's only the descriptive side of this "screenplay", but something like
Issue 0:
[Scene: Cloud Kingdom]
We see a Kingdom built on top of clouds, which comes from a long dead pantheon. With no one left to worship them, the gods have taken to a life of lazing around, mingling with one another, and seem to enjoy the the little power they siphon from tangential worship.
But a certain goddess, sitting alone at the wine fountain, finds herself bored. She looks very different from her peers, being extraordinarily plain, leaving her out of the more intimate festivities, and is lonely on top of bored.
Replies:>>417964
>>417962
OK, so:
High in the sky there is a kingdom built upon the clouds where an old nameless forgotten pantheon has made their home. While the bulk of its residents are content with lazing about, enjoying what little power they can siphon from the myths mortals still recite, there was one goddess who was terribly bored and lonely. As she sat by herself beside the wine fountain her godly peers paid her no mind nor heed, even during their mirth and intimate festivities, for she was terribly plain looking for a goddess.
Any better than the current first paragraph?
Replies:>>417965
>>417963
I'd get rid of the nameless, forgotten gets the point across. and get rid of either mind or heed, they both mean similar things, you don't need to double up on it. Other than that it's fine. I had some more family come in today, so I couldn't do much, but I'm planning on adding more dialogue to this issue, on top of the streamlining.
>>417964
I thought "mind" meant attention and "heed" meant they don't care even when they do hear her. As in they don't notice her and even when she tries to make herself heard they don't care. It's a difference between being passively there and actively seeking some sort of recognition.
But OK.
Image:158065042073.jpg(169kB, 848x1200)2020FEB01_coc_seasons_summer_and_spring_bathing_suit_doodle.jpg
>>417959
Oh good, so I didn't just missed a thread.
>>417966
Nice pic, magi.
Since no one else stepped up, I've made the thread a day late now that my bullshit ban is over.
Replies:>>417971
Alright, I have a google doc for the /co/le story now. Hopefully this will make it easier since changes can be seen in real time instead of me having to update the entire pastebin every time. It'll also save past versions and such so it'll be easier to revert stuff if we end up not liking it.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/14Fo9aexcIeI3KbEV3f0_0NLu2fyS1xOgr-Umri9zawU/edit?usp=sharing
I'm hoping this works since I haven't used google docs in a long time. Damn thing didn't accept my page breaks from when I pasted it over, so there's a bunch of dumb formatting to fix.
Replies:>>417973
>>417971
So it has. Alright, I'll get the doc open in a bit and start working on the last changes you mentioned in the thread before it went down.
Replies:>>417974
>>417972
Uh oh, looks like there's another gap of text that got purged in issue 0, between SG jerkily crossing the street and the Arms fight.
So we got the Cole seeing these new duds. Looking them over, Calling the look "Interesting". Do you want him questioning thee super well fitting clothes at all?
>>417973
The alleyway line? I nixed that and rearranged stuff because it read redundantly and confusingly to me the way it was. It was like /co/le goes into the alleyway to change, but then he's also fighting a guy in an alleyway and it seemed like he changed in the same alleyway.
Might wanna change that bit up, too it's reading weird to me. She follows him, comments he's a superhero, and then the fight starts. Like it still sounds like the fights taking place in the alley without having something like "On the other side...".
But we don't have to hit that now if you don't wanna.
Replies:>>417977
I've changed things up a bi to make it clear that he leaves that alleyway to go somewhere else, and that her shadow goes back to that alley where he left his civvies after he walks off.
Replies:>>417978
>>417976
Alright, back to issue 1.
I feel the note should be tidied up a little. just have her request him to try it on upfront. Maybe have the "make you mine" bit as a PS or a small print thing.
Replies:>>417979
>>417977
Maybe "I really hope you'll be mine" as the PS then.
But it still doesn't quit feel right.
>>417979
It's like the note needs to imply that if he puts it on, he'll be hers'. Like he's agreeing to a contract. It's not really doing that, and it shouldn't be doing that. It should be ambiguous because SG is being shady about the wording.
It's like the actual note in The Santa Clause, in that the note is the contract and he doesn't know that until it is too late.
Replies:>>417982
Yeah that's a tough one.
My head is trying to play it off like she's begging him to put it on, like a fan would
something like "I made this new costume for you. I'd be so grateful if you tried it on. You'd be my champion!"
but that reads weird. Maybe hero is more ambiguous.
Replies:>>417983
>>417981
Yeah, "You'd be my hero if you wore it" works for the contract purposes, but it also feels like it grinds against the "from a fan" part.
Maybe personal hero?
Replies:>>417984
>>417982
Yeah, that works real good, actually.
So he starts putting on the shoes, and is shocked.
"These are most comfortable shoes I've ever worn."
Maybe have him go to the gloves next, his amazement continoues "This is crazy! someone ould makfe something so well fit just looking at me?"
And then come the short shorts. He stares at them for a bit, before sighing "It's for a fan." as he begins to shed his causal wear proper
He has the body portion of his costume assembled, walking towards a mirror.
"I mean, this is all surprisingly comfortable, but..."
Finally he's looking himself over, in all his leathery, Barbarian-esque glory.
"There's gotta be more than this, right?"
Replies:>>417985
>>417983
I actually want to make a point of it being "I have ever worn" since a certain weight of sincerity comes with not using contractions. Or at least that's how I feel.
Replies:>>417986
>>417984
Don't have much an opinion on that kinda thing, go with what you feel works.
Replies:>>417987
>>417985
I'm still tweaking the lines here and there, trying to catch myself as much as I can since I know better than to be telling a story using past tense verbs.
It's getting late though, so if you want to keep going I'll give feed back later today instead of tonight.
Replies:>>417990
>>417988
OK, though in the future you can just jump into whatever is next.
Let;s see how much we can get done tonight.
Replies:>>417992
>>417990
I think I'll leave it in, just so he can wonder what that means and have his curiosity immediately satiated when he gets grabbed.
Replies:>>417993
>>417991
Meh, doesn't really mesh with me. Seems redundant. Is him saying "What does that mean?" the important part of that.
Replies:>>417994
>>417992
I think I have a solution. Let's have the p.s. be the "You’ll be my personal hero if you wear it." line.
Replies:>>417995
>>417993
yeah, I think it makes the scene mesh better overall.
Ok, the exchange between SG and Cole. This is one of the things I felt was gonna need a pretty big overhaul.
Replies:>>417997
>>417995
I just wanted to hear if you had any particular lines you liked.
I guess the first one would be considering to change the inner monologue, Not sure why that line specifically unless you can inform me. If it's just a throwaway line like "Ok, the giant lady hasn't killed me yet so..." Or just a "Y'know what? Sure. this is happening. Why not?"
Replies:>>417998
>>417996
The line in the internal monologue is a nod to how superheroes are always finding themselves in these sorts of situations and how /co/le rationalizes what's happening.
"Well I was being a superhero so it makes sense this would happen to me" is the sort of mentality he has going on right then.
You don't try to be a superhero if you freak out over every giant sky lady who grabs you. Also, the "yeah, sure, why not, this is happening right now HA HA" sort of thinking has always rubbed me the wrong way when it's coming from superheroes. From an average joe, sure, but strange comes with the job, it's what you're signing up for when you put on your super suit and fight other people with explainable powers. Having a mental breakdown is the opposite of what a super should be doing in that sort of situation, unless you're quippy McGee Spider-Man.
Replies:>>417999
>>417997
Well It makes him sound like a conspiracy theorist on it's own. Maybe something more like "This is odd. But I'm a hero, so odd's...normal."
Replies:>>418000
>>417998
Better.
"This is strange, but I'm a hero, so strange comes with the job."
Or should he think he *was* a hero? How does he mentally classify himself right now? It's a stressful encounter so he might default back to hero mentality and think that he *is* a hero despite being in the process of findning a new career.
What do you think?
Replies:>>418001
>>417999
Yeah, I think the disconnect is coming from us having different ideas of how long he's tried the hero shtick
I assumed he really only tried a few times, really. And from the sounds of it you believed he's been doing this for a considerably long time, like the better part of a year.
Mybe something like "Ok, you were a hero yesterday, there's a grace period before the strange stuff is strange again."
Replies:>>418002
>>418000
Better part of a year sounds about right. I like to think he really gave it his best shot at being a hero before calling it quits.
I'll go with that line. Only thing that kind of bothers me is him thinking to himself in the second person, but I'm pretty sure we have him doing that somewhere else already, so not a big deal.
>>418001
If you think it sounds better in first person go for it, doesn't change the line all that much.
Most of the lines before SG changing to normal size is fine, I'd personally shorten Cole's question to just "Who are you?" but that's more a minor nitpick.Maybe have a line for Cole peicing together that the giant lay in front of him is the fan?
Should SG's shadow do anything here? Like a interesting background effect when she introduces herself?
Replies:>>418004
Changing the "who" and "where" to
C: "So... I take it you’re my fan?"
SG: “I am!” She swells up with her shadow spreading out behind her like a flower in bloom “Behold! The Goddess of Shadow Puppetry. Welcome to my room."
Replies:>>418005
>>418003
Yeah that's good.
Gonna call it for tonight. Should be able to pick back up much earlier tomorrow.
Replies:>>418006
>>418004
Sleep well then. I still feel odd posting casually in this thread, but this board has no shortage of space.
>>418005
Whelp not as early as I thought, gonna only be able to stick around an hour before obligations drag me off.
Now the main thing is I wanna try and liven up the convo here specifically, since we made that remark on him "Talking to her like a person" near the end.
Replies:>>418008
I'm also a bit busy tonight, so this is going to be like phone tag in the days of old. We probably won't get much done until another day.
How do you want to liven it up? Obviously you want some more back-and-forth before SG jumps on that dick like a cowboy on a bull.
Probably a bit more on her decor?
Replies:>>418009
>>418007
Yeah something along those lines, making pleasant small talk, as opposed to the more disjointed sentences.
Replies:>>418010
>>418008
So what do they have to talk about? I assume /co/le will need to be the one to initiate conversation since SG will be too distracted.
Does /co/le ask her how long she's been a fan or if she really saw him getting beat up?
I'm sort of coming up blank right now.
Replies:>>418011
>>418009
I'd say some topics could include
Champion (Might wanna edit the the stuff on the topic earlier for that)
What's she about (get to know some more of her)
The topic already written are fine, but probably need some expanding and better tying together.
The main difficulty I'm having is just how long we'd want this to go before the canoodling.
Replies:>>418019
>>418010
She already tells him that he's her champion now, but doesn't go into detail about it. I'd imagine if she did then /co/le would protest sooner and that's less funny than finding out from the Demon.
I can add in some lines before /co/le becomes normalized with the room.
It feels like part of /co/le's beef with SG is that he really doesn't know much about her throughout the story, she doesn't exactly open up about her insecurities to him, not until Skathi gets her good and sloshed at least.
That depends on how long the conversation can go before any line is spoken that SG can twist to lead to the bed. Which is not long.
Replies:>>418013
I didn't spot a new thread, ran out of steam on this one at some point, gotta come back to fix it up later.
>>418012
I didn't make the thread until a couple of hours ago. We're trying a Monday start time to see if that makes them be anymore active.
I remember when you drew the sketch version of that. 2016 feels so long ago now.
Replies:>>418015
I had to check the old version of this pic... is it odd for me to think that the sketch version is better?
Replies:>>418016
>>418014
That's just the imagination effect where an unfinished version feels better because you brain fills in the best way that you think it should be.
It's the same way with those people complaining about "potential" these days.
Replies:>>418017
>>418015
No, not just that. Many details are either reduced or missing altogether on the inked version (Springs left eye, the bottom left dudes head, the weapons on the couches, some of the clothing, etc), and some parts are completely changed (the faces for Winter and Fall are much cuter on the old version).
Also the sketch has more varied line thickness while the new version uses the same thickness everywhere, which allows less space for detail, and less... I dunno, "depth"? It feels more crowded since the small details blend together with the outlines of the scene / scenery. The stuff further on the back should be thinner due to the depth of field too; on the sketch this is emulated by the background characters having almost no detail while the stuff on the bottom having extreme amounts of it.
and after looking at both pics for so long, I want to eat a hamburger now.
Replies:>>418018
>>418016
I think that's fair. I am cleaning up this image digitally right now so I will put some of these back in before trying to color it.
Replies:>>418021
>>418017
>I think that's fair.
I'm relieved that you think so, because every time I write up criticism on a pic made by an artist I like, I'm dreaded by the thought that the artist will get triggered by this and rage quit drawing forever. Lord knows it has happened too often.
Replies:>>418020
>>418011
And of course the two days the thread is up is the two days I gotta get up early. Sorry about that.
I haven't had time to think of a back and forth today, but I had an idea of having the shadow cling to him, only for it's grip to become like iron and drag him to the bed while SG goes to lock the door.
Replies:>>418025
>>418019
I'm thinking of starting the thread on Sundays from now on to see what happens.
I don't want to show /co/le being dragged to the bed, I'd rather just have SG lock the door and cut to the outside since that's more comedic than rapetacular. It's right on that edge where it's still funny where you don't think too hard about the implications.
>>418018
Well, I would be lying if say it doesn't gets me down at all, but I don't have as much time to mope around recently. Time, my ability to stay awake and stay focus pose more of an obstacle to drawing nowadays. Its sad but I think people rage quit probably forgot how to have fun with pencils. Being able to enjoy the creative process is a skill one developed over time.
Image:158168387597.jpg(323kB, 1200x848)2020FEB14_coc_season_summer_vs_skathi_spring_simple_color.jpg
Replies:>>418026
>>418020
Ok for the Clothes thing, I'd say it's fine for the most part, maybe some dumbing down to make the convo more casual.
"I would've thought you'd dress a champion up like how you guys dress up. This doesn't look close to your style."
"Oh. well, we still see what humans find stylish from here. And, uh, enchanting a WHOLE outfit is....inefficient! I thought I struck a good balance of something you'd like and...practicality."
"Yeah, maybe if I was a metalhea- wait, enchanted?"
This look any good?
Replies:>>418027
>>418025
"I would've thought you'd dress a champion up like if you were sending them into battle. This doesn't look close to your style."
Though that does throw the style bit out of place.
The second line, "from here," from where, exactly? Does she have a crystal or a viewing mirror she's showing him? I'm tired right now and can't remember exactly what she's been using for spying (I've had a day).
Replies:>>418028
>>418026
It does a bit.
I guess I mean she could look at what humans were doing from their kingdom. The how is pretty vague as of right now, we know she has a computer later on.
Replies:>>418029
>>418027
Thinking about it some more, "I would have thought you would" bothers me. How about:
C: "I’d have thought a champion would be dressed up like if you were sending them into battle. This, uh, leaves me feeling kind of exposed."
SG turns her head away from /co/le as she says in a not too believable tone "Oh. Well, we still see what humans find stylish from up here. And, uh, enchanting a WHOLE outfit is… inefficient! I thought I struck a good balance of something you'd like and… practicality." As she bites her lower lip while eyeing /co/le's rear.
C: "Yeah, maybe if I was a metalhead- wait, enchanted?"
Replies:>>418030
>>418028
>>418028
I can dig it.
Now, Cole being excited about having his powers fixed might be where we can shove in "Treating like a person" part I've been trying to put in.
Cole gets the biggest smile, genuinely happy of what he just heard.
"Yoiu fixed my powers? I've always had them give out on me when I need them most."
SG's lines with locking the door is fine.
"You don't know what this means to me. I don't know how to thank you."
"I think I know one way."
He looks at the goddess, her tone changing his smile to a confused face.
"Let's test them out."
*Careless_Whisper_Recorder_Cover.mp4*
This sound alright?
Replies:>>418031
>>418029
Alright.
Something I'd like to figure out on the fly right now. Has he always had these powers, did he only get them recently, or did he only discover he had them recently?
It's something we've never actually addressed.
Replies:>>418032
>>418030
I had it in my head he had them for awhile, I'd even be cliche as to say when he was a kid. He was just into acting more, so he never really used them, and the powers crapping out on him just made using them all the less appealing.
Replies:>>418033
>>418031
I can go with that. It's not particularly relevant to where we are right now, I just want to make sure that if we end up dipping more into /co/le's past at any point during this I have an idea of where to go with it.
I assume the next parts we need to address are the descriptors for the visuals of what's going on with SG's house. Right now it looks like it's in a wishy-washy state.
Replies:>>418035
>>418033
Not so much additional details, just general cleaning up. It was written with options and all the ors were still in there.
I've cleaned it up a bit just now.
Replies:>>418036
>>418034
Maybe add some more venom to the Gods observign SG getiting laid?
"Damn it! That runt is making racket agin!"
"Wait, it sounds like she found a bedfellow."
"I wonder how long she had to drown someone in the fountain to get them shitfaced enough to bed her?"
Replies:>>418037
>>418035
Right now they don't have venom towards her, it's more like a passive "oh, right, she exists".
The venom happens later when they realize her power has eclipsed their own by a wide, canyon-like margin.
Replies:>>418038
>>418036
Fair enough.
I can only think of maybe adding the shadow some more.
Maybe the Gods have a throw away line of a mortal "Finding themselves in their plane, again."
Replies:>>418039
>>418037
I think this is actually the first time SG has ever brought a mortal home.
WG has probably brought mortals home before though, but he pumps and dumps them. Wouldn't even offer them breakfast.
SG's shadow I think would be enjoying /co/le's shadow as much as SG is enjoying the man himself. As SG's actions line up with her desires, her shadow has less of a presence since it is actually just her and not a separate entity. I don't want to call it Ego/Super Ego/ID, but that's the most recognizable analogy avialible to me.
>>418038
The noive!
I guess the joke would be that ever since their dismissal of the mortal realm, the only time they find mortals in there now is if a Buck Rogers type stumbles in during a space adventure.
Replies:>>418041
>>418039
I guess that's another thing to think about, if She were to stop thinking it like another person, do we still need the sight gags later? I'm of the mind she would still use it to emphasize things, and the occasional revealing of inner thoughts.
Replies:>>418042
>>418039
You think you can get there from space? That cosmonaut who was one of the first in space who looked around and said something along the lines of "I looked and looked, but I could not see god", but in the /co/verse he ended up getting grabbed by some curious gods?
>>418040
If they're funny, I'd rather keep them. There's some toon elements to her nature that have started developing which I like. She still can't fully act on her impulses.
Replies:>>418046
>>418041
Maybe, if you don't wanna go for it, it was a bit reaching for a joke.
Anyway, I gotta get some sleep. Glad we got more than one post between each other for once today.
Replies:>>418044
who else should I put on here?
>>418043
bottom right: Nicky Two-vests with a knife in his hand, sparring/parrying Conrad (elbow hitting elbow style).
left side: Jetpack Valkyrie, with her sword drawn, could take the full height of the pic like Colette
top right, background (in the empty space above Conrad and Nicky): Jetpack Viking looking down menacing while holding a battle axe.
Replies:>>418047
>>418042
Ok, I can't think of anymore stuff for the first issue. Anything that doesn't gel with you or do you wanna move on?
>>418046
On to issue 2 then.
I won't be around much tonight, but I'll work on it some more tomorrow. I'll probably give the end of issue 1 another look tomorrow as well.
Alright. Might wanna read through it again, see what sticks out.
I was thinking of having sprucing up the 696 dialogue since we have edited the previous issues. Like he comments on how "Gods love their vague contracts" and the sort. But that's off what I remember, I still gotta read it proper
Replies:>>418050
I just read through the rest of issue 1, and I don't see anything that really stands out to me as needing attention (though the way the page breaks at the end of it would annoy me if this were on paper).
So we really are on to issue 2.
Replies:>>418053
>>418051
Yeah, for the most part, I'm only wondering if we should try and introduce the BTS crew Cole will work with here, Even if it's just the director that gets a line in.
And there's the thing with the 12 tasks thing, It seems pretty scare, him doing porno. We might wanna add some other things of that later on the story, else the two we have seem to stick out.
Replies:>>418054
>>418052
Any ideas for expansions then?
We can add in a line later with the demon telling him that he's finally getting more "respectable" work. I think the fight with Thunder Clap is what really got his film career started, gave him a lot of exposure real fast.
Replies:>>418055
>>418053
I was thinking, at worst, Just have SG have alot of merch from other adult films he's in, being what she's all about at the time.
Replies:>>418058
>>418056
Posters makes more sense.
I still don't know exactly what it is you want to add, change, or expand at the end of issue 2. I don't think too many of the same staff as later would be on /co/le's earliest productions.
>>418057
I guess not seeing the you don't think the crew would really be in that issue.
Replies:>>418062
Maybe take a jab at her lack of understanding true love. Her going on about how the "Cruel Blanket man" took "Her Champion and Love" away with the quest clause.
Replies:>>418064
>>418061
OK, so maybe?
Up in the cloud city of the gods, the goddess is watching /co/le on a big screen TV mumbling to herself "Stupid jerks took my man away..."
/co/le is on the screen carrying the girl in the skimpy deer costume slung over his shoulders like a hunting trophy.
SG sighs "That should be ME hung over him." She hugs a pillow tightly to her chest "I can't even bring him back up here now. Curse that cloth demon for putting him on a quest for me."
SG keeps watching the screen shifting a little as /co/le is getting covered in olive oil. "This is also pretty good..."
I haven't made any changes to the doc yet.
>>418062
Whelp Here we go again.
>You think that all works? I had to think through about two other ideas before I went with them asking questions to get the details spoken to them.
Yeah, even when I woke up with a clearer head it read fine to me.And was a pretty natural way of talking between them, you did fine.
Hopefully you have the finer details of the characters design stored somewhere.
Ok, so I wanted to have Loomappera tell her little sob story with a little show of how the whole thing really went down. So she would say how SG was tricking her to make the costume, but the flashback shows SG Fawning over Cole/ Begging tearfully with Loom just rubbing her temples at the annoyance, maybe have the shadow take the form of Cole.
Something like that sound good, before I dump out my whole idea for it?
Replies:>>418066
>>418064
So you just want to greatly expand upon Loom's first appearance? She says her line like how she didn't know what SG was planning then it cuts to a flash back with SG gushing about some guy she met before Loom makes the close to make SG go away?
It's not really a sob story, it's more like a "I'm covering my ass" story.
Replies:>>418067
>>418065
Yeah, your right.
I guess sit depends on if she's trying to paint a bad lght on SG or not, I think what I put out right now is implying she is. But would we wanna do that?
Replies:>>418068
>>418066
I don't think she is, she's trying to give the appearance of being neutral, that she'll make clothes for anyone. Plus, SG is kind of listening in, though not really. But the possibility is why Loom won't shit talk her.
Replies:>>418069
>>418067
So a more subtle underhander? So maybe a line more like being a victim of circumstance.
I kinda wanted tot do he flashback stuff, but I can't really think of any past the first one, or at least, none that wouldn't start revealing stuff we probably wanna save this early on, like her getting a glow, implying her getting power.
Might wanna scrap that idea and just go for a line change.
Replies:>>418070
>>418068
Alright, so what do you want to change the line to?
Right now it's
>Loomappera: "Oh, yes, standard champion gear. You see, SHE didn't tell me the clothes she asked me to make were for a champion, so when Donyoru asked I couldn't refuse. Even when he wanted a little more for his mortal to work with."
Replies:>>418071
>>418069
Alright, prepare for added text.
"Yes, standard champion gear..."
"With some added flair from YOURS TRULY."
"...Is the least I could do. I didn't realize she would use that gear I made for this." She waves at the posters of Cole. "She just asked for some "sexy Barbarian gear" with some easy spells of fixing. It wasn't until I felt my outfit transferring power that I realized she made a champion. Then Donyoru showed me her change in the scroll. I don't know what she's planning to do with that power."
"Which is why I'm taking charge in testing the waters, see how she reacts to competition!"
Something less mean, only for Runyon's ego escalating the situation.
Which may or may not be all part of Loom's plan.
This sound ok? Too much?
Replies:>>418072
>>418070
If we're using all of that then it needs flavor text between all of the line breaks.
"Yes, standard champion gear, with some added flair from yours truly!" Loomappera puts her hands on her hips and is literally beaming with pride as the other gods shield their eyes. "It's the least I could do. I didn't realize she would use that gear I made for this." She unrolls a poster of /co/le's adult film debut. "She only asked for some "sexy Barbarian gear" with some easy spells of fixing. It wasn't until I felt my outfit transferring power that I realized she made a champion. Then Donyoru showed me her change in the scroll, and, well, I couldn't refuse."
I can't really see what planning and testing the waters really adds to the scene since that just makes her out to be a schemer right away.
Replies:>>418073
>>418071
Oh the "Flair" and "testing Waters" was the drum god, he's planning on the Testing SG's reaction on another champ presence.
>>418072
Oooooh, that makes much more sense now. I thought, yeah...
Yeah, that's fine then.
OK, so I've got
>Donyoru: “I don’t know what she’s plotting with all that power, so we’ll see how she reacts to some healthy competition!” he says as he’s looking greedily at Thunder Clap who just put out a raging forest fire with one clap of his hands. "Look at him go! He's getting crazy attention on that thing the mortals call 'the internet'! He's way more popular than HER chump!"
Since I still feel testing the waters doesn't really click with the context.
Replies:>>418076
Yeah, that works.
Oh wait, maybe just add to the last sentence of Looms text
"Then Donyoru showed me her change in the scroll, and asked for my help in his plan and, well, I couldn't refuse."
>>418077
Hmm, I don't want to give them too much since I feel like they already get about 50% of all the attention in the story. I don't want them to overshadow /co/le anymore than they already kind of do.
Plus Loom already fans the fire just enough to get him going without drawing suspicion onto herself.
Replies:>>418080
Ah, I seem to be getting tunnel vision on this script, didn't even notice the stuff already written. I'd only suggest her segue to the stuff she knows will get to him.
Looma:"Well, that settles that. She not looking to hoard all the power herself. But it's so strange. Most champions gave power by their heroic deeds, but HER champion rakes so much MORE for her by doing nothing heroic. Just look at that"
They peek into SG's window, where they see her participating in a forum thread about Cole, most of the posts revolving around love for him.
Looma:"Weird, isnt it?"
Donyoru:"HAHAHA! Strange indeed! Well, I've got other things to attend to. See you all later!"
>>418079
That seems kind of unnecessary based on what's already there though. It's the same things in the sameish number of words.
SG engaging in flame wars online feels like something she might do, but at the same time it's not something I want to feel like I have to write at any point after having mentioned it in the story.
Replies:>>418082
Hmm, might be the tunnel vision again. I still feel like there should be a change to the dialogue. The y'know line seems pretty...blatant is the word I'm feeling.
Y'know...how about this?
"So she's not hoarding power for herself, then. Mortals just seem to like fake heroics more than real heroics."
Replies:>>418083
>>418081
So you want to replace the 'back in the day' line.
Loomappera cuts in again "So there you have it. She's not hoarding power for herself, then. Mortals just seem to like fake heroics more than real heroics. I mean, just look at what all these mortals are saying about him compared to Thunder Clap." She summons another viewing window showing online forums where people are discussing /co/le, many of the posts are by SG gushing about him, but Donyoru doesn't seem to notice.
>>418082
Yeah, I think that can work.
I'm obviously slowing down slowing down. Should probably call it, maybe I can read clearer in the morning.
>>418064
>Hopefully you have the finer details of the characters design stored somewhere.
I forgot to address this last night.
The pastebin is still unchanged, so if we do end up wanting to look back to how things were in the first pass, that's still availible.
Replies:>>418086
And back earlier
I'm thinking the Drum god takeover is fine as is.
Oh hey, the director. Did we wanna get his look down? Did we want to do that?
Replies:>>418089
>>418087
So a younger director to fit with his more energetic nature.
I'd assume he would look STRONK (stout, wide chest, not too tall) to match the feats he pulls off.
Replies:>>418090
>>418088
Who are you thinking when you think that body type? you have an actor I can look up?
Replies:>>418091
>>418089
I'm not thinking of an actor. Right now we seem to have a buff fantasy dwarf version of Steven Spielberg from the 80s.
Replies:>>418093
>>418091
It's the easiest way to invoke the mental image of stout and strong.
So do we only need a minor change to include his description?
The director, a stout looking man with a trim beard and a wide chest, is standing on his chair talking to /co/le through a megaphone
Replies:>>418094
>>418092
Sure, that'd be fine.
The only other thing I can see is just saying someone lights him on fire before "ACTION!"
Replies:>>418095
>>418093
Maybe for a different stunt later when the director is better versed in what /co/le can withstand.
I'm not sure why the director says flame ball there, I think it's left over from something that got scrapped or changed several versions ago, like six months or more ago. So I'm going to change that to long fall.
Replies:>>418096
>>418094
I think the reason was he's a stunt double and he still needed to wear the armor?
But we already have him wearing a tux over his costume later, so we could just have him wear something over it if need be.
Replies:>>418097
>>418095
I just don't know where the "flame ball" came from. I know that particular exchange wasn't one of the bits I wrote, so I'm fuzzy on what was being discussed at the time. Either way, he's not on fire for the fall.
If the room he jumps out of explodes afterwards, then sure, but that's still outside of the budget the things /co/le would be working in at that point.
And he can totally wear things over the costume and still get the benefits, he just isn't right now for some reason. We could re-work it a little that he strips out of the layers on top of the costume to get the glass off before talking to the director again.
Replies:>>418098
>>418096
Yeah I think that was it, there was an explosion and he caught fire. But like you said, he's not doing it now.
I would just make it an easy thing where he's wearing a mission impossible type getup.
Replies:>>418099
>>418097
OK then.
The director walks over to /co/le, who is stripping out of his stunt getup down to his champion garb trying to get all of the glass shards off, and starts talking to him
Replies:>>418100
>>418098
Alright, that works.
Maybe just change "What about an explosion?" to "Can you take an explosion?" Just so it's more obvious what he's asking.
Everything to the arrival of Thunder Clap is fine, otherwise.
Replies:>>418102
>>418100
I'm thinking maybe changing up the initial barrage from being "Ineffectual" to being "Overly choreographed" and easy to catch/ deflect. So it doesn't look like his strength is like DBZ Ki, he doesn't need to focus on it.
Maybe have 696 just say "This guy reeks of your pantheon's magic. If I had..." he rest is fine there.
And the next set has the designer that'll be a problem later in, right?
Replies:>>418103
>>418101
He's punching /co/le's chest. His fists are connecting, but he's doing ZERO damage. And yes, the set designer is the guy who will come up later.
Thunder Clap dashes at /co/le and begins punching his chest ineffectively as the blows just bounce off of his impervious body until /co/le catches both of Thunder Clap's fists
C: "Really, can't we talk this out like gentlemen?"
Six-Nine-Six appears and begins talking in /co/le's ear “This guy reeks of your pantheon's magic. If I had to guess he’s got a similar contract, a champion like you, only he’s not on a quest.”
This takes /co/le by surprise "What?" and he's sent flying by Thunder Clap's hyper voice.
Flying right into another set and smashing it all to pieces, the set designer looks on in shock and terror as he yells "My set!"
Replies:>>418104
>>418102
Oh, OK. I think I didn't catch he used not punches to send him flying.
I'd retry the Directors line
"GET THIS RECORDED!"
"But... the set."
"I'LL REWRITE THE SCRIPT, GET FILMING!"
Replies:>>418105
>>418103
No, I changed that to the voice sending him flying since you wanted his fists to be caught.
Replies:>>418106
>>418104
Ok.
Looks fine for the fight.
May wanna shorten the post fight exposition.
"He'll probably wonder about his bruises and being in Europe. Without a quest, Champions can be taken over by their Gods."
And just a quick edit at the end
"... Even if you lost she'll keep you as hers. So try not to die."
Replies:>>418107
>>418105
Alright.
Though I do feel like 696 is slowly losing the more devilish parts of his personality. He may be a researcher, but he's still a demon. They should all feel at least a little bit sinister every now and then even if they're not up to anything, like a shared sense of mildly dark humor.
Replies:>>418109
>>418107
I feel as if any of the more 'unique' (I guess) words he uses are being bleached out. Like him using juju, think of him using words like that as him dumbing it down for everyone he's talking to.
Right now as is, not much of an issue, it's just something to keep in mind.
Replies:>>418110
>>418108
You think the words I dumbed down take away uniqueness, keep 'em. I'm not too attached to the SPECIFIC words used, more so the structure of how they're said.
Although I am probably having him play way more straight than it sounds like you want him to be. Might wanna hear how you think he is.
Replies:>>418111
>>418109
How I think he is is that he knows those around him aren't as knowledgeable as he is or else they wouldn't have summoned him, but he also knows they aren't stupid because they were smart enough to summon him.
So he knows they know that they don't know.
In general I don't think humans and demons should have the same way of thinking and viewing things, but both have enough common sense to be aware of this and push past any misunderstandings or shortcomings easily enough. Right now how demons "think" in this setting isn't really solidly established, or at least significantly differentiated, from humans in my opinion. But that's a topic for a different time.
In my mind, 696's voice has defaulted to that of Rocky's coach. I don't know why.
Replies:>>418112
>>418110
It's getting around that time for me to call it, but this will be good for me to note. I'll see if I can work that in.
The main thing holding me back is how do you think demons...think. If we set that up, I'll be happy to go through the script again.
>In my mind, 696's voice has defaulted to that of Rocky's coach. I don't know why.
champ was the word they used all the time in Rocky movies, it'd make sense. I'd put him more as a deeper, smoother voice with the Philly accent
Replies:>>418113
>>418111
That's the problem I'm running into, I don't really know how demons "think" in this setting. It's related to what we're doing, but it's also an entirely different can of worms that hasn't been explored and could likely end up detracting us from progress. I'll bring it up in the next thread on /co/ and see if a demonic hierarchy of needs can be established since those threads have more eyes. For all I know, after the color system went into effect, demons are a post-scarcity society in those kingdoms.
Until then, I guess we just proceed as usual. So we're done with issue 3 now?
Replies:>>418114
>>418112
SGs ending lines are bugging me something fierce. I think we might wanna start from the ground up on that. Unless there's something you wanna keep it for?
I'm assuming she's constantly watching him, like, outside the TV/Movie stuff.
Replies:>>418116
>>418113
The overall gist of his ending lines are how she's even more enamored with him after he was all heroic and also kind/forgiving to his enemy. That intent is what needs to be kept if the lines themselves are reworked. Now, is it just the dialogue, or the entire paragraph? If I recall, you had issues with that particular piece of dialogue before, so I think this is the third or fourth time it will have been revised.
She's watching him near constantly, but she herself does sleep and take breaks to do other things, like messing with the weather.
Yes, fourth time.
3/22/19
"You little heart throb, you do have an ounce of heroism. That's why I love you." she pulls the pillow of him closer "Well... maybe not just that."
8/3/19
"You little heart throb, all that heroism. That's why I love you." she pulls the pillow of him closer, touching where his abs are printed "Well... maybe not just because that."
current version
“Oh you heart throb, all that heroism. Protecting the innocent, even saving your foe and giving him a boon.” She pulls the pillow of him closer, touching where his abs are printed “You’re just making me fall even deeper in love with you.”
New version options?:
"Oh my darling champion, showing such mercy/kindness/compassion/other to a vanquished foe..." She says while hugging the body pillow "You're so much more than just a pretty face and rock hard muscles... It makes me want you so much more."
Replies:>>418117
>>418114
Just the dialogue. It's almost on level with characters speaking their thoughts in uncanny-ness
"Saving lives! Helping you Enemy! Donyoru doesn't realize how wrong he is. You ARE a hero. MY hero!"
I Guess the main thing bugging me is her announcing her love, like she's a romantic era knight.
Also, I think her shadow should be doing something here. What I'm coming up with is a hand rewinding and playing the Vibration part on her TV.
Replies:>>418118
>>418116
Up in the cloud kingdom of the gods, the goddess is swooning over a body pillow with a picture of /co/le printed on it squeeing to herself "Saving lives! Helping your enemy! Donyoru doesn't realize how wrong he is. You ARE a hero. MY hero!" Meanwhile her shadow is rewinding the footage replying the part where /co/le has Thunder Clap in a headlock and over again.
Does it need another line by SG to cap it off? Like something about her being even more into him now or is her first line good enough to get that message across?
Replies:>>418119
>>418117
What does her being MORE in love with him imply? I'm having trouble wrapping my head around that, how that need to be established. Do you think it informs something later on?
Replies:>>418120
>>418118
It is to establish that she has more than just a physical attraction to him. At the start it is pure pent up lust, then she sees what he's actually like beyond the face and the hair and the muscles and finds him all the more attractive for it. This is the first time she's seeing him beyond his appearance and glimpsing his character as a person. At this point she's still not at the stage where she can see her actions as being detrimental to him though.
Replies:>>418121
>>418119
Hmmm. I suppose that's fine. I'd think that less is more in this situation.She doesn't really need to SAY she's falling more for him, just act like it. Go from " OH MAN YOU SEE THAT ASS I'M GONNA FUCKING AAAAAAA" To legit love is alot more obvious.
Replies:>>418122
>>418120
So you think the current line conveys that well enough? As long as that is getting across, then it's fine.
It's Saturday and I'm going to watch toonami soon so I can poke fun at the anime on /co/, so I'll probably not be around until tomorrow. And it's also fucking daylight savings tonight too... I really wish that would go away already. So I'll see you in the /co/ thread when it's made tomorrow, if it manages to not sink immediately before we're both around in it.
Replies:>>418123
>>418121
Yeah, anything as simple as not spazzing out AS MUCH can get it across enough.
I was gonna call it early since I gotta drop someone off in the morning, so this works out
Eh, not like we don't know where to find each other if that happens
Replies:>>418125
>>418123
Deciding if the new exchange of dialogue should be at the start of issue four or after the scene in the cloud city.
Currently it is at the start of issue 4.
Also establishing if /co/le's narration of "over the past week" is good enough to make the passage of time evident from the previous scene of the stage builder showing signs of having a champion contract.
Replies:>>418126
>>418124
It's fine where it is, thought maybe doesn't flow amazingly, but it doesn't need to in that particular case.
And yes, saying "A week has passed" does tell the reader time has passed. It's just one of the more jarring ways of doing it.
Replies:>>418127
>>418125
If the flow bothers you then don't hesitate to tell me and how it can be fixed.
Is the week passed line still jarring in the proper he context though?
Replies:>>418129
>>418127
It's in the doc, it's after the set guy and the old timer exchange is done, when /co/le is talking to his "shadow".
Replies:>>418131
>>418129
He goes into a flashback describing the odd occurrences immediately after that.
Replies:>>418134
>>418132
Doubt that, unless you went back to the pastebin for some reason.
I'm just asking questions, trying to piece together what your going for.
first thing is to write out the scene transitions to a flashback.
not sure WHY you want a flashback, and not just have it, y'know, happen in a kind of montage.
Replies:>>418136
>>418133
I tried doing it in order when I wrote it the first time, but I found it incredibly dry and boring. There was no sense of menace doing it that way.
You see the guy with the moving paper on the clipboard, you wonder what PG is planning to do with this guy.
And if you just go right into it, it just falls flat. Like if the events of the week are shown first then there's no impact when it's revealed /co/le is talking to SG because you already know he's talking to SG because the demon would have told him to do it.
Compare that to him seemingly talking to no one describing weird occurrences before SG reveals herself in a different way than before, there's some POP to that. It also eliminates having to go over the week twice.
I can re-work it to be "the next day", "the day after" and so on, and have /co/le say "so that's how my weeks been" or some variant of.
I just don't know if that's any better than what it currently is.
Replies:>>418138
>>418134
Ok, I can see what you mean.
At that point, PG talking to the set guy seems odd, it reads like she just introduced herself, but this stuff has been happening for a week.
I'd still just add a little note for the transition to the flashback, just so it's known what's going on. The reason I'm asking these story directions is because I'm kinda guessing what's going on.
Replies:>>418139
I think I'm just a little on edge today. Re-working it into...
TUESDAY
/co/le is on set for rehearsal, he's looking over the script to practice his lines when suddenly *CRASH* an overhead spotlight falls on his head. /co/le doesn't even flinch, he's too focused on reading his lines while everyone else gasps in shock. He looks up and says "What? Did I fumble my lines?"
WEDNESDAY
The footage being reviewed during filming and there's something obstructing half the shot.
The director yells "Cut!" and asks "What is this?!"
One of his associates answers "Looks like something got on the lenses again."
"How does this keep happening? Alright, take 15."
THURSDAY
/co/le is over by the refreshment table, he opens the fridge to get a cold bottle of water, but it's not cold at all.
One of the other actors says "Dammit, not again. Why is everything on the fritz around here?"
/co/le closes the fridge and notices something moving from the corner of his eye, he turns his head to look at one of the dark corners of the set and just catches a glimpse of something disappearing around a corner, something big.
FRIDAY
/co/le is walking between sets and the lights flicker and go out before coming back on.
He overhears a couple of stagehands walking by discussing this "Ack, this has been going on all day."
"They've already called in an electrician to look at the lines and backups."
From off screen someone yells "HOLY SHIT!"
The electrician comes stumbling backwards from one of the maintenance rooms, he looks pale.
/co/le asks "Are you OK? What happened?"
The electrician holds up his hands (they're shaking) and answers "B-big thing! Lots of arms, jumped up to the ceiling then slipped into the vents like it was steam or something!"
The stagehands look unconvinced until they hear one of the fans in the vents above them come to a screaming stop.
SATURDAY
/co/le is sitting down in his trailer with his head in his hands speaking to no one in particular while looking down at his shadow "This has been a very strange week." He sighs as he straightens up and looks at his shadow on the wall asking it "So are you behind all this, my goddess?"
Silence.
Is that any better than the current flashback thing I had going on?
>>418136
Well if it's confusing you, it's going to confuse any other prospective readers. This is why I appreciate your continued input. Your post didn't show up in the thread for me when I made my re-worked post until I did manual refresh of the thread. I think it was a timing thing.
What's going on is PG says she's going to make it all better to her husband, then immediately scouts someone with a grudge against /co/le to begin manipulating the guy for her purposes. Then the set guy gets to work on ruining things.
Replies:>>418140
>>418137
It's tells me there's more than constant scene changes.
If you think you need to step off this for now, we can call it here.
Replies:>>418141
>>418139
Nah, I'm good for maybe another hour. So is that re-work any better than the current doc version?
Replies:>>418143
>>418141
Alright. Weird thing, it added all of the weekday names to that google doc outline when I pasted it in.
So what's next? Do we still need to adjust that flow thing you mentioned with the new dialogue?
Replies:>>418144
>>418142
The google doc auto outline protocol is wacky, all caps seem to trigger it.
As he walks away reviewing the latest work orders a voice whispers to him “You are absolutely right.” as the papers on his clipboard begin folding into an origami face all on their own.
The main thing was the PG set guy interaction, if it's taking place after all the stuff has happened, it reads like they just met here.
Replies:>>418145
>>418143
I don't remember if my intention was for that to be their first meeting or if she had been whispering in his ear for a little while before that.
Looking at the scene before with PG saying she'll make it all better soon, it would be fine if that's the first time PG talks to Pierre (I'm naming him that because he feels French for some reason and it's funny to me).
So yes, let's go with that being their first interaction. Then it cuts to the next day where he's now making mischief in the background.
Replies:>>418146
>>418144
But then that'd make a hard cut to a week later with little between. I'd suggest maybe changing it to "Forget him! Our work is nearly complete. Your revenge is close at hand."
Replies:>>418147
>>418145
But it is no longer cutting to a week later.
See, that conversation happens on Monday, then we go to Tuesday, etc. until we end up on Saturday when /co/le asks SG questions.
Replies:>>418148
>>418146
Ok, didn't see the text shift. I'm really losing it. I need to step out.
Good news is this virus scare has made my classes online, so I should be able to let me drop in at more sensible hours.
Replies:>>418149
>>418147
Yeah, that virus is part of why I was on edge earlier.
Sure, we'll call it here tonight. When you have time again give #4 a re-read up to where we are right now in it so all of the changes set in.
I think it should make more sense to you now with the changes made tonight.
Replies:>>418151
>>418149
I'm thinking over moving the exchange at the start of the issue to after the cloud city bit and putting a big MONDAY above it. That's where you originally thought that exchange would be at anyway and this would help make the time passage clearer.
Something to get to in a couple more hours.
Replies:>>418153
>>418151
I'd already rearranged it before you made that post, just needed to change a couple of lines so it flowed into the scene with the two set designers right after it.
So what's next in issue 4?
Replies:>>418154
>>418152
Maybe have SG smack talk about PG? Like she talks about how their "Oh so much greater than me because they settle down, not like it keeps them from boning everyone else anyway." something like that sound good?
Replies:>>418155
>>418153
Let me see, I think I can add something in here.
"Mmmm-hmmm, her husband" there's some disdain in the goddess' voice as she says this "is the god of drums. They're always flaunting their oh-so lovey-dovey marriage in front of everyone, they've been that way for over 200 years now!" Her exasperation dies down as she leans back again /co/le "So she wants to get back at you for beating his champ."
/co/le whispers under his breath "What the hell?"
The goddess continues "But he's no big deal, her boy toy is nowhere near as handsome or" she bites her lower lip as she rubs a hand across /co/le's pecs "well defined as you."
Replies:>>418156
>>418154
yeah, that works. Gives a look at how these gods all see each other as assholes, not realizing they're all asshole.
Replies:>>418157
>>418155
It's easier to think of gods as petty teenagers. "Like, oh my us, did you see what Loomappera was wearing?"
OK, what else stands out in issue 4?
Replies:>>418158
>>418156
Yeah, exactly.
Maybe have a transtitional for the motor bike thing?
Jsust something easy like
Cole: Oh, right. I'm guest starring in that...
Cut to the dirt bike thing with some over excited guy shouting over the speakers
"Monsters and Motorcycles!"
Replies:>>418159
>>418157
The building description kind of breaks up any sort of transition like that. Best I can come up with right now is:
Six-Nine-Six looks at his phone/watch/floating runes "While the sets are being repaired you have a meet and greet during the next tour."
"Right, the fans of the show I'm guest starring on."
The scene changes to a group of kids and their parents (mostly their mothers) being led around by a tour guide as they arrive at an in-door dirt-bike track, the building has an open ceiling that can be closed with many metal supports criss-crossing it in a grid pattern.
Guide: "And here is where we shoot many of the stunts for the Cycling Heroes show."
The kids all cheer "Monsters and Motorcycles!" looking into the building with excitement as the parents just smile to humor their kids.
Replies:>>418160
>>418158
That's the better way to do it. Him saying it felt off, but kids screaming their favorite show is more believable.
The "Don't litter line" can work, it sticks out right now. maybe have the the parents looking at him like "really?" but then the kids start cheering, maybe having them taking it seriously, because "anyone that cool is worth listening to"
Replies:>>418162
>>418159
The litter line really is just some on the spot improv he's saying to try to make sure no one freaks out over having just watched a completely real horrific motorcycle crash. If you've ever seen the English dub of Shin-chan, that "HA HA HA" he does is the same way Action Bastard does it.
"HA HA HA!" he reaches up into the bike's axle and pulls out what looks like a piece of a prop "You see this, kids? This is why you don't litter!" As he holds it up he flexes his free arm and puts on his best smile.
The parents are looking at him with a mix concern and are-you-freaking-kidding-me, but the cheering of their children pulls them out of it.
I am actually really struggling here with what they kids should say. I don't want to move up the kids cheering from a couple lines down since /co/le is still a few yards away and needs to put the bike down and look at the prop before they crowd around him.
>"anyone that cool is worth listening to"
It's somehow trowing me off.
Replies:>>418163
The parents are looking at him with a mix concern and are-you-freaking-kidding-me, but the cheering of their children pulls them out of it.
The kids crowd around him still cheering.
Kid 1: "Mister, that was cool!"
Kid 2: "How are you OK? Was that a trick?"
Kid 3: "No way, he's the superhero who works here now! He was all over the news."
Kid 1 & 2: "Cool!"
/co/le laughs as he sets the bike down, as he does, he looks at the prop that caused him to lose control and thinks "Is this made of paper? He might be nearby."
But before he can look around, one of the mothers approaches him, behind her is a young boy who looks like he's 5 or 6 years old, he's clinging to her while half-way hiding behind her, still beaming starry-eyed at /co/le.
Does re-arranging it like that work better?
>>418160
Maybe have the kids Be like
"Whoa did you see that?"
"Not litter? Teacher says that all the time."
"But this guy said it, and he just braked from a hundred kilometers with his FEET! He knows what he's saying!"
It might work better in the the part that's already up. But it also might bloat that part up too much, so it might be better to drop it.
Replies:>>418164
>>418161
That might work, actually
I wanted to add a joke, where a single lady has a look of surprise, and if it cuts to behind the crowd, the lady has her phone out, with Cole's picture from one of his adult films as the wallpaper/ a gallery pic.
Replies:>>418165
>>418163
It's just that the lines for the kids you're coming up with feel... even more heavy handed than an improv PSA to save face/reassure people. And that's the issue you had with it initially.
Where would that scene with the phone be at?
Replies:>>418166
>>418164
Yeah, I was gonna say they're a stretch.
probably when he's talking to the shy kid.
Replies:>>418167
>>418165
Does this work for you?
The mother is taking a picture of her son with /co/le using her phone (her phone's wallpaper is a picture of /co/le from one of his adult film roles) before continuing "He's really into superheroes, he's been talking about the big man on TV ever since the news report about your fight with Thunder Clap."
Replies:>>418169
>>418167
Ah, then I'd place it sooner.
The parents are looking at him with a mix concern and are-you-freaking-kidding-me, but the cheering of their children pulls them out of it. One of the mother's takes the opportunity to take a picture of /co/le's pose using her phone (her phone's wallpaper is a picture of /co/le from one of his adult film roles).
Replies:>>418170
>>418168
That'l work.
Gonna call it for today. Gotta get up early to drive people around.
Replies:>>418171
>>418169
Sleep well.
Bit by bit, we're getting closer and closer to the issue that I know you're most itching to tackle.
Replies:>>418172
>>418170
Yup. Sorry 'bout the radio silence, had to stock up for the eldery.
Hmmm, the motorcycle being made of paper, maybe add a description of it crumbled where he grabbed it.
Replies:>>418173
>>418171
The motorcycle isn't made of paper, the thing that got jammed in its wheel is.
Replies:>>418174
>>418172
Ok, starting off hard of reading already, this'll be fun. Ignore that, then.
Think we could make his little interaction with the kid any better? I feel we should focus just as much on these parts as a genuine cool guy as the parts of women fawning over him and the filming shenanigans.
Replies:>>418175
>>418173
Might want to just pick it up tomorrow then.
Not sure how to expand that section, maybe talk about the Monsters and Motorcycles show?
Replies:>>418179
>>418174
Oh, right, you do the Toonami thread thing.
Alright, we'll pick it up tommorow.
Replies:>>418181
Oh geez, this site got an overhaul.
>>418179
I came up with a new segment in issue 5 that you told me to paste into the doc so you could go over issue 5 top to bottom with that segment in it.
So we're in issue 5 now.
Replies:>>418182
>>418180
H'okay!
We were just getting to the set, correct?
Oh! I got a few notes from before, Thanks, past me.
>Lily continues "The Collective called us in, sir. Said our services were needed on set, they did." She hands him a card.
I think the "they did" was me hamming up the English aspect. And given how the season girls talk pretty normaly later on, it sticks out, as inoffensive as it is.
>co/le is also peeking over the director's shoulder looking at the card, it looks like he wants to say something, but the director continues talking "Alright, you're hired!"
It may be me being tired, but I don't get it. What's Cole trying to say?
Replies:>>418183
>>418181
Too much Britbong at the start, huh? That was when I was still trying to get a feel for how they'd talk.
There's really no consistency with them for me to pull from.
/co/le sees they also get work through The Collective, so it gets him curious. You know, since they tend to place people with super abilities.
So it's like he wants to ask "Hey, so what's your super power?"
Replies:>>418184
>>418182
Yeah, we were both doing it, I think someone was getting butthurt on /coc/ having Brits it so I leaned on it.
As for the Cole bit, maybe have him a little excited? like a guy seeing a celebrity?
Replies:>>418185
>>418183
Sure, easy.
>/co/le is also peeking over the director's shoulder looking at the card. He looks excited, like he’s meeting a celebrity, but he can’t get a word in as the director continues talking
Replies:>>418186
>>418184
Alright.
>On an old dirt road /co/le is facing off against a man in a formal suit
Wanna add a descriptor to Cole? Do we want him covering his Hero outfit with something?
Replies:>>418187
>>418185
We probably should. In most of his filmed appearances he should be wearing something over his hero suit to match the productions.
I never thought to clarify what sort of thing they were filming for this issue since it was never all that important.
Maybe he'd be wearing a tattered suit? Like he's been through some shit leading up to that point?
He can always pull it off like a chippendales guy once the actual fight begins.
>On an old dirt road /co/le is wearing a tattered suit that’s seen better days while facing off against a man in a pristine formal suit
Replies:>>418188
>>418186
Yeh, that's good. I was just gonna suggest the lone ranger because "dusty = desert"
I guess I should ask before Skathi shows up. As 696 has a interest in Pantheons, You think he would be wanting to write down the three different pantheons mingling on set? If so, would you think it would change up how he talks to others?
Replies:>>418189
>>418187
He's an academic, I assume he has some high level of professionalism.
Also, seeing how all of the deities and champions behave, I don't think he'd be all that impressed. He'd probably remain just as dry after seeing how they still behave as he'd expect regardless of the pantheon.
Replies:>>418191
>>418189
And back, when you're ready.
>"That could've been bad if it were anyone but me."
Not the most elegant way to say that line even in a fight.
Replies:>>418193
>>418191
>"That's bad, but I'm better." Flexes
>"You'll need more than that."
>"Durability." Points at his free arm "You'll need more than that."
Any of that ok, or do you want more?
Replies:>>418194
>>418192
He's thinking the line, not speaking it though.
Because of his invulnerability the ice didn't freeze him. If it were anyone else they'd probably have some serious frostbite.
Replies:>>418197
>>418195
Maybe spice up the Directors thing?
"Look, That action was amazing, and I like rewriting scripts as much as the next guy, but I need to know now if anyone else is making a surprise appearance!"
Replies:>>418198
>>418196
The lights go out and the director walks on set "Look, that action amazing, incredible even. We got it all on camera." He's tapping the rolled up script against his head "See, I like rewriting scripts as much as the next guy, but even I have limits on how much can be changed." He points the script at the Seasons Girls "If anyone else here on set has some phenomenal super powers, I'd like to know about it before you jump into the scene!"
Replies:>>418200
>>418198
When you say "spice" that means to me "add in body language and prop work".
So what else are we doing in this issue?
Replies:>>418201
>>418199
I mostly mean a slant, doesn't matter how.
But knowing that, those two things really added to it. Good call.
maybe change up the explanation. I'd go from Movies and simplify from there.
The director turns. "You're in a movie set. This is a movie."
Skathi stares blankly.
"Motion picture?"
Skathi looks as if she might have heard someone say something about it at some point in time when she wasn't paying attention
"The performing arts?"
It clicks in her head and she nods, now knowing what the small man is talking about, before looking around at all the people holding cameras and other people running around in costumes from set to set as others direct them.
"Oh... my apologies."
Replies:>>418202
>>418200
OK, just going to change up the end bit thought because something about it was bugging me.
It finally clicks in her head and she nods while taking note of her full surroundings, seeing all the people holding cameras and other people running around in costumes from set to set as others direct them, doing their best to ignore what fresh madness has arrived in the studio today. Now understanding what the small man is talking about "Oh... my apologies for the intrusion."
Replies:>>418203
>>418201
Yeah, flows together better like that. Good catch.
Should we try and get the guy that was just being filmed in there? I had an idea for it.
Also, why did Skathi attack, again?
Replies:>>418204
>>418202
She thought the movie was real and that a guy with divine powers was abusing them by beating on a normal guy who has no powers.
That's why she was checking on the other actor after sending /co/le flying. She thought he was a civilian being attacked.
And by guy who was just being filmed, do you mean the guy that I'm mentioning in this same post?
>>418203
Yeah. It was.
The premise was something along the lines of this.
"You can make up for it by sticking around. I love how 'real' that fight was. You can kiss and make up our costar Cole and discuss with our star-"
The suited man pipes up "Oh no! I'm not being a part of this anymore! No job is worth getting frozen solid. I QUIT!"
The Director watches the star walk away, before moving back to Cole.
"So just kiss and make up with our star Cole, contribute to the film, and we'll call it square"
That sound okay. Probably'll need abit of trimming. But I think the idea is good, as it starts showing the trend of crew leaving from the danger.
>>418204
Shoot, just read ahead, change the bit of making Cole the star to "Finding a new star"
Replies:>>418207
>>418204
Hmm, that guy isn't exactly a "star", he's more of a fight choreography stand-in, like what /co/le is doing. Stunt double stuff.
What they were recording is sort of a trial run to see how much of it is doable with the actors and how much is doable with the action stand-ins.
Plus I don't want that guy being confused for the actual star (who we should probably name and give more descriptions for, come to think of it).
A way to fix that is to just move the scene a little further down. After this line:
/co/le muses "That's new." as Skathi begins poking at it with her spear.
The other stuntman who was in the scene shakes his head exclaiming "I'm out!" As he walks past /co/le and the director he apologizes "Sorry guys, but I just can't deal with this. It's too much crazy for me."
As he exits another man walks in, a man wearing a partially unbuttoned shit with wavy blonde hair that could rival /co/le's and a jaw line to match. After the stuntman leaves the man comments "The set sure is lively."
The director nudges /co/le "There's our star."
"So you must be Mr. Cole, my stunt double for this film?" He extends a hand which /co/le shakes "It's nice to finally meet you."
Clara: "Wow, they're both jacked."
It could use a bit more tweaking though.
Replies:>>418208
>>418206
Ok. I'll mull over it tomorrow, it's getting late.
I should be able to chime in earlier tomorrow.
Replies:>>418209
>>418207
I'll see if I can pull myself away from the new Animal Crossing game earlier in the day then. As well as my usual Saturday afternoon project.
I have no lack of time right now because of the plague.
Replies:>>418210
>>418208
As am I.
"So just kiss and make up to our stunt doubles."
"I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore. I can't take this danger."
"...Our stunt double. contribute to the film, and we'll call it square."
Replies:>>418213
>>418211
I think it works better if he quits after seeing the giant shadow hand come out of nowhere.
Replies:>>418216
>>418214
I feel like Skathi said something to prompt SG for shooting up the NOPE hand, am I misremembering?
Replies:>>418217
>>418215
She gave /co/le a look up and down since she took "kiss and make up" literally and was contemplating if /co/le was someone she would fuck. SG picked up on that.
Replies:>>418218
>>418216
In that case, you'll wanna change up the beer scene, since 696 already told Cole there's more than one pantheon already.
Replies:>>418219
>>418217
"Is it common for pantheons to meet like this?"
"Just how many pantheons do this champion thing?"
Something like either of those?
Replies:>>418220
>>418218
Probably the latter, It's dawned on me how much the bibble talks about other religions.
Replies:>>418221
>>418219
Actually, where did 696 mention there being multiple pantheons before now? Was is just implied in issue 2?
But anyway
/co/le: "So wait, you're telling me there are multiple pantheons that do this whole champion thing?"
Lily: "Oh yeah, loads of 'em. And each has different rules."
Marigold: "Some want people to fight for them as proxies, others just want a foothold in the mortal world for one reason or another."
Lilly: "We've never even met our patron god. Bit of a loner, that guy. Said our mission is to protect humanity."
Daisy: "Huh? But he's never spoken to us, not even once."
Lilly: "Well, it was implied!"
Marigold: "The Collective asked us to help them with this case, they've been learning a lot about how divine rules work from it."
Something like that?
Replies:>>418222
>>418220
Yeah, in issue 2. Why would the guy that's trying to help you lie?
That works.
Ok. reading ahead, Skathi's line her is what I was thinking of. she says not being opposed to kissing.
Replies:>>418223
>>418221
Skathi has fucked many things over the millennia. Or at least that's what I remember Bug telling me.
She's the type who feels no shame over her sexual exploits and has a hard time keeping up with the rapid changes (from her perspective) human culture goes through.
Replies:>>418224
>>418222
Yeah, seems about right.
You think we should keep the god tampering tampering to the next issue? I think Cole might have some concerns with SG suddenly showing up.
Replies:>>418225
>>418223
Can you clarify what you mean? I can't tell which tampering you're citing specifically.
Replies:>>418226
>>418224
Mostly wondering if Cole would be freaking out. I dunno where I was going with this. Forget it.
Anyway, the issue kinda just ends.
Replies:>>418228
>>418226
Yeash, right. Time to fiddle with that, now.
First thing, maybe add EPILOGUE. tell the reader the ending bit is separate from the previous scene.
give me a sec to skim the scene. get a feel what you want shown.
Replies:>>418229
>>418227
It's not really an epilogue. The scene changes back up to the cloud kingdom before going to the star (who we should probably name soon), so the flow of events doesn't feel all that disjointed to me.
Replies:>>418230
>>418228
Maybe a "Back at the Cloud Kingdom..." to match with the "Meanwhile on Earth" bit earlier?
So, he's been recruited already by Phorisols by the end, then?
and the general beat you want to hit is something like
Phorisols walks into Looappera's room. Some small chat to show they're friendly of sorts, maybe like a cool aunt situation.
P bemoans her parents are making a big deal out of losing.
L shows what having a lot of power gives, by showing the different threads she has weaved through the eons.
With P properly power hungry like her parent, L conspires with her to do it "Better than your family" by hand picking the new champ, happening to be the Star.
And this is the dude Cole is doubling for, right? I kinda wanna be cheeky and just Say a really similar name like Kyle or Carl.
Replies:>>418231
>>418229
Yeah, a "back at the cloud kingdom" would be needed. It was originally written on the fly and for a different point in the issue, so it does need the tweaking.
Yes, that's the general beat of their interaction.
Yes, it's the actor /co/le is playing stunt double for. If Carl, I'll be too tempted to make ATHF jokes, so Kyle works.
I'll pick up on this more tomorrow.
Replies:>>418232
>>418230
Aaaaand it's gone. Back here, then.
I think we were about finished with issue 5?
Replies:>>418234
>>418232
Right, Kyle.
You were saying something about it being odd for him to scope Cole and co?
Replies:>>418235
>>418233
The scene at the end of the issue currently is just Kyle going over the script and going-ons surrounding production with Phori scoping him out.
Since he isn't the folding champion YET in that scene, he has little reason to be spying.
Replies:>>418236
>>418234
Ok. I was reading it like he was already recruited, his folding showing he had the powers already.
Replies:>>418237
>>418235
We changed it so he hasn't been recruited yet, that's part of why the paragraph needs reworking.
Either the handkerchief (or whatever it is) is folding on its own, or just just unconsciously doing it or we change it entirely to however Phori is going to make first contact.
I don't actually want to show their first contact though, just imply that he's being scouted by her.
Replies:>>418238
>>418236
Might wanna go with the self folding, then. shows she's there without her BEING there.
Replies:>>418239
>>418237
I think I have an idea for how to swing this.
Back down on Earth, Kyle, the actor from before, is reviewing the day's recording of the fight between /co/le and Skathi
"I really can't blame that guy for quitting after seeing that." He sets the script aside and says his thoughts aloud "I wonder if I'll be able to handle this."
The cover of the script begins to fold itself into smaller and smaller shapes as Kyle continues "I'm sure I'll figure something out."
Replies:>>418243
>>418241
Time to roll up your sleeves and start listing off all the things that need fixing/chaining/rewriting.
Replies:>>418244
>>418242
Hopefully, we have a better amount of characterization to work with, so it should be a little easier to fill the gaping holes.
I think the first thing was the Skathi line flub?
Replies:>>418245
>>418243
I have no idea. I just remember there are a lot of things in this issue that you wanted to address. Like, the entire issue.
I'd say just give the whole thing a read over and jot down the parts that make you rub your temples in confusion and we'll go from there.
Replies:>>418247
>>418245
I don't think we have any lack of time these days.
Looking forward to seeing what kinds of rewrites I'll need to come up with once you're done burning a hole through your screen with your eyes.
Replies:>>418248
>>418246
Ok, so I didin't get through whole thing yet, but I have some pretty big chunks I think need an overhaul.
>Oh, uh, I know this line, it goes, it's 'Are you happy to see the gun in my pocket?
Seems to drag on a bit. may wanna shorten it. have her flub the line, someone snickers, and cut
Replies:>>418249
>>418247
Whelp, back here, then. Sorry the last edit was more complicated than it should've been.
The bedside talk I feel should be editied, Like I'd think SG would be more than willing to wave the night long banging, then get floored when she realized she didn't learn anything about the dude during all that time.
Replies:>>418250
>>418248
Yeah, last thread did not last long. No one stayed up to keep it up through the night.
And you're going to have to tell me what line the bedside talk is.
Is that back in issue one? Or is it the chat between SG and Skathi during the flashback in issue six?
Replies:>>418252
>>418250
I know what part you're referring to now.
So what sort of thing needs to be added or changed?
I don't really get what you meant by your initial post on the subject.
Replies:>>418253
>>418251
I feel SG would want to have something to one up Skathi, and being the first one on the Cole train would be the perfect thing to do that. Only for her to get asked a question and get floored because she doesn't know jack about Cole.
Replies:>>418254
>>418252
I'm not sure how to swing that.
What does come to mind thought is after Skathi asks
"Does he like to wear his mask in bed?"
Sg can bring up that she didn't even let him get his boots off when she first got a hold of him instead of just being outright flustered at first.
Is that at least close to what you're going for?
Replies:>>418255
>>418253
I guess my thought would be after Skathi saying "The other sort of battle."
SG blushes a bit "Oh!" but gets a cocky grin, finally something to show off. "Oh he is very good."
"Really? Does he wear the mask in bed?"
"Oh, I don't know. After a whole night of it, I forgot to ask." SG says, trying to rub it in on a genuinely curious Skathi.
"Oh! you must tell me what he likes, then!" Skathi asks.
"Oh, he.." SG gets stumped, remembering she lead the whole ordeal, and just sorta did all the work "He, uh, liked it when I wen up and down?"
Skathi has a more gentle smile now "Well, isn't he easy to please. Maybe I should teach him some things." as she continues to drain her keg.
Something along those lines.
May wanna think of alternatives to the battle metaphor, maybe, as well
Replies:>>418256
>>418254
Skathi makes her best attempt at actually trying to whisper "In the bed chambers."
SG blushes a bit "Oh!" but then gets a cocky grin, finally something to show off. "Oh, he's amazing."
"Really? Does he wear the mask in bed?"
"He was able to keep going all night long. And I do mean ALL night long. There wasn't even a moment for him to get his boots off. " SG says smugly.
Skathi is now genuinely curious "Oh! He must have marvelous techniques then."
"Oh, he... uh..." SG is stumped, during their whole night together she mostly took the lead, paying no mind her champion's preferences, only focusing on her own pleasure "He, uh, liked it when I wen up and down?"
Skathi has a more gentle smile now, as if she could read SG's thoughts from the expression of her face "Well, is he not easy to please. Maybe I should teach him some things." as she continues to drain her keg.
>Well, is he not easy to please.
That line now bothers me with the additional context of Skathi picking up on SG having a one-sided relationship with /co/le.
Replies:>>418257
>>418255
Maybe something like
"Oh! It's been awhile since I heard a mortal actually hold on that long. There must be something he liked to keep going, right?"
Maybe
>"Well, he sounds easy to please."
>"Oh, he sounds inexperienced, how cute."
Something like that?
Replies:>>418258
>>418256
We could try twisting it so the implication is that Skathi is calling SG inexperienced.
Or something with a lack of imagination.
Skathi is now genuinely impressed "Such vigor! There must be something that drives him to keep going for so long."
"Oh, he... uh..." SG is stumped, during their whole night together she mostly took the lead, paying no mind her champion's preferences, only focusing on her own pleasure "He, uh, liked it when I wen up and down?"
Skathi has a more gentle smile now, as if she could read SG's thoughts from the expression of her face "Ah, a lack of experience. Perhaps I shall share some techniques with him." as she continues to drain her keg.
Replies:>>418262
>>418260
He's pulling on his collar at Skathi's leg? like he wasn't just in a porno parody of the 12 trials?
Replies:>>418263
>>418261
Oh, that's not meant to be loosening, it's more like he's indicating towards another completely functionless garment that he himself has on.
Like "Yeah, the slit serves no purpose, so does this annoying thing."
That sort of intention.
Replies:>>418264
>>418262
Hmmm. maybe have him untieing, that's what you mean, right, he's getting it off his neck?
Replies:>>418265
>>418263
Yes, he hates that thing.
/co/le is untying his collared bow-tie as he responds "I don't know much about fashion, especially these sorts of things" as he indicates to the bow "but my guess is sex appeal."
Replies:>>418267
>>418265
You gotta start just copypasting what line you're talking about specifically.
I'm assuming you're talking about this line:
Skathi is still immobile "I find these scripts whimsical, though the director's earlier comment on 'kissing and making up' intrigues me. If the mood allowed, I would gladly take up such a role and your pantheon's inability to interfere with your mortal champion's quests would prevent you from acting against it."
And she is talking directly to SG in it. The "your pantheon" doesn't mean /co/le's pantheon, it means SG's pantheon.
And I think I need to go to bed. I'm very tired today.
Replies:>>418268
>>418266
Well, it's pretty obvious I'm tired as well, as I' having trouble doing simple shit like that.
Sleep well.
Replies:>>418269
>>418267
Skathi is essentially giving SG the "shit test" right now to see if she's an unsalvageable self-serving deity who will be nothing but a blight upon mankind and the world. She's seen enough of those sorts that she just puts them down where they stand.
Right now she's sort of on the fence about SG.
On one hand, she's weak, lacks influence, and could be easily dealt with. However she's gaining power.
On the other hand, she hasn't done much to anyone, actually accepted the drink after enough prompting instead of blowing up, and is able to carry on a conversation.
Pushing SG's buttons to see how far she'll escalate is what Skathi is doing to her right now to access if she's a bad goddess or not.
Replies:>>418270
>>418268
Maybe change it up, just reads more as Skathi speaking the plot, than naturally getting under SGs skin.
Replies:>>418271
>>418269
There's no easy way to write Skathi as being subtle.
And seeing how SG is currently all up in Skathi's abs trying to shove her away, I think Skathi being aggressive/curt with SG is justified.
Would changing
>Skathi is still immobile
to
>As SG continues her fruitless attempts to shove Skathi aside, the frost giantess is starting to look annoyed with her.
help in anyway?
Replies:>>418272
>>418270
She doesn't need to be subtle, it's just the sentences are disjointed and seemingly unrelated if she's talking to the same person. The "Whimsical scripts" Doesn't mesh with the next line.
Maybe have her goading, like "What's wrong with having fun with a fellow actor? Not like you can do anything to keep him away from me"
Or make it obvious she's trying something, like she only flicks her eyes at SG before smirking and saying "You know, your director said we should kiss and make up. I was hoping we'd get to that."
And Cole, seeing the seething SG "Uh, you should probably tone it down."
"What for? It isn't like she can do anything to make you stop."
Replies:>>418273
>>418271
So something like...?
As SG continues her fruitless attempts to shove Skathi aside, the frost giantess is starting to look annoyed with her. She looks down at SG then back to /co/le and says "That director, he said we should 'kiss and make up'. I am thinking that I will accept that offer."
/co/le is standing at a safe distance as he replies "You know that's just a figure of speech, right?"
Skathi replies slyly "Of course. However, it is not but a role we would play." She looks back down at SG who is still angrily pushing against her abs "And as the rules of your goddess' pantheon dictate, she would be unable to interfere with the performance."
I really hope this doesn't post twice. The site is being buggy for me.
Replies:>>418274
>>418272
It's more coherent. But probably switch up SG's reply to "Maybe not for him."
Insert shadow fuckery here
"But you're not protected, you BITCH!"
Replies:>>418275
>>418273
"Then I'll just have to stop you before that."
With this, Skathi finally finds herself in motion, being raised up by a large shadow hand and then slammed back down to the ground under it. SG is hair-standing-on-end mad as shadows dance around her forming a dark halo looking apparatus while shadow-y balls of power collect in her hands.
Skathi is pinned to the floor at SG's feet as she tells the Norse goddess "You're not playing a role right now, are you?! So you're fair game!"
Loopholes within loopholes within loopholes. Skathi is a goddess, therefore SG can attack her at full power, but only if she feels her champion is threatened directly by her. But SG can't attack Skathi if she's playing a role in one of /co/le's "quests", but at this exact moment, she isn't playing a role in a "quest" since the script for the scene Skathi speaks of hasn't even been written.
It could go in a circle like this forever, a pure, infertile circle.
Replies:>>418276
>>418274
Oh! Ok. It's abit more specific than I realized. My bad.
That works fine, then.
The Fights fine, so Probably need some change on 696's exposition.
Maybe update it to explain why she didn't fight her immediately.
Replies:>>418277
>>418275
Yeah, we need to change the lines that we moved up to earlier.
/co/le: "Oh crap."
Six-Nine-Six appears with his hands in his pockets and elbows /co/le a couple times "Aren't you the lady's man."
/co/le: "How far are they going to take this?"
Six-Nine-Six: "Deities and the like are often at their mercy of their own egos. So until one of them feels like calling it quits or dies."
/co/le: "Wait, won't Skathi use up her power before then?"
Six-Nine-Six: "Different pantheon, different rules. We're seeing a living dynamo with her."
/co/le: "And my... goddess... is exploiting loopholes to fight at full power."
Marigold is standing behind them listening in "Meaning we have two unchecked goddesses. This is already out of hand."
Does that get it all across or is it still confusing even with all the context before and after it?
Replies:>>418278
>>418276
Aside from my confusion with dynamo, looks fine to me, especially after rereading the changed flashback.
Replies:>>418279
>>418277
Think of her as a perpetual energy machine. Her magic fuels her body and her body fuels her magic.
Jotunn Magic was described to me as being like living dynamos. My interpretation of that is magical power can be converted to bodily energy and bodily metabolism can be converted into magical energy.
Do you have a word you feel would fit better?
Something that might need to be amended at some point is adding "Faith" to this category since champions and the like were not so clearly defined when it was collected.
https://the-conservatory.fandom.com/wiki/Category:Magic
Replies:>>418280
>>418278
And this is more me being extra sure: We're talking about Skathi, right?
Dynamo is kinda THE word to use, so I'd leave it.
Replies:>>418283
>>418281
That's already covered in the lines right after those
Switching the point of view around, we see what they're looking at: a studio set with shadows flying around as a giant blue lady in a torn up evening dress with an ice axe hacks through them while working her way to the smaller lady controlling them.
Marigold: "Mr. Cole, can't you do something about this?"
/co/le replies softly "Like what?"
Replies:>>418284
>>418282
Alright.
Hmmm, I'd say change Cole's one liner
"See that?" pointing at SG, still drooling, "That's sex appeal."
Replies:>>418285
>>418283
Maybe it should be "That's the purpose of sex appeal." or "the effect of" to fit better with the conversation they were having before.
Replies:>>418286
>>418284
Yeah that's what I mean. Hit send before proofreading.
Woof, we're at the real problem area now.
Replies:>>418287
>>418285
Yes, the part that you have most been looking forward to revisiting.
Time to find out how much of this needs to be rewritten.
Replies:>>418289
>>418287
Take your time. I'd rather we do this in a way we feel satisfied with then try to rush through it.
Replies:>>418290
>>418288
Ok, so the first thing I'd change is the transition. What was the intent of doing it? To get SG to calm down?
Replies:>>418291
>>418289
Which transition? The one that goes into them on set? A different one?
If it's the one going into the improv piece, then SG had already calmed down because of /co/le.
Replies:>>418292
>>418290
The transition to the improv piece. It's kinda out there. Aside from the director wanting to use the action, I can't see why SG is put in since there's no real text put toward it.
Replies:>>418294
>>418291
I'm afraid I don't follow.
It's an improv sort of scene made up on the fly to test chemistry between them.
Also, movies aren't filmed in chronological order, they're all over the place in terms of production. A lot of the more crazy scenes are often shot first or last, but usually all together regardless of the sequence they end up in for the final production.
I mean, right now we've got
Skathi and SG exchange glares, both tensing up as if ready to leap at each other's throats again. The tension is shattered by the director leaping up in his chair, hands in front of him making a rectangle, exclaiming "I like it! You two could have some nice chemistry together! Let's set the scene!"
Then it cuts to the next part.
I could add in:
SG: "Wait, what?"
Skathi: "Now we shall see who can 'stick to the script' best."
Or something to that effect.
The point of the hard cut is I don't think it's worth going into detail about all the stuff needed to be done to actually set up the set for the scene.
I also don't know if there would be weird super loophole ramifications of writing the goddess into the script so she then is able to be directly involved with her champion's quest.
Replies:>>418295
>>418292
Well, I guess I'm asking why SG would want to be roped into this? What if she said no? Who could stop her?
Replies:>>418296
>>418294
In that case it's pride, which makes the new line by Skathi much more important.
Like this is her chance to prove that she's better than Skathi is some way.
Replies:>>418297
>>418295
Mehhhhhh, Knowing it's improvised kinda dulls the line.
Unless they find out the director is taking anything on their own, might make a decent ice breaker for SG and Cole.
Replies:>>418298
>>418296
I use the word improv, but the more I look this over, the more I don't think it actually is improv and it's just a hold over term from when we made the outline. The scene itself is obviously scripted until SG gets tired of it and moves up the pacing by exiting the fake restaurant earlier than she would have.
By that point she's sort of stopped caring about competing.
This director could probably write a script in half the time it would take to read it.
Replies:>>418299
>>418297
fair, perhaps change the line to
Skathi: "Wonderful idea! You can join the film. You know, if you can stick to the script."
As for how she can be in the film without the loop holes grabbing on her. My interpretation of "Godly involvement" Is along the lines of "Buffs during the fight" Or "Gods doing the job for them" or "Giving the answer to a riddle." that kind of thing.
>>418298
That works.
And the loopholes I don't think we need to address. Not unless 696 gives a mention about his research.
We'll pick this up more tomorrow if you're around then.
Well that thread was fun while it lasted.
So how would you work in potential /co/le backstory into the act-off portion of issue 6?
Maybe that will help me figure out something to expand the dialogue with.
Replies:>>418303
>>418299
So that thing you brought up about SG, sounded more like a "Thing to add through the issue" and not just "Something to add to the movie" Since I don't recall having the Season Girls in the movie itself.
Replies:>>418307
>>418302
They are the ones touching up SG's makeup after /co/le exits the scene and the cameras follow him.
Replies:>>418305
There's a new superhero game coming out this month.
Messed around with the in-progress hero maker.
>>418305
Sentinels of Freedom.
Its a spinoff of that Sentinels of the Multiverse cardgame (which also has a digital version).
Replies:>>418308
>>418303
Ok, Had an exam that we were only emailed about the day before.
So we need to make this thing work. We WANT SG to be a girlfriend of Secret Agent Cole, and we want it to relate to how she is to him usually. What was the idea of doing the girlfriend? Like, how are you seeing her acting?
>>418307
Her role as a girlfriend is written as the clingy jealous type who doesn't really listen to anything /co/le's character says and just keeps talking.
Once /co/le is in the next scene and SG is left to thumb the script, she should have some realizations that this is how she is perceived in some capacity by both /co/le and people who have only seen a few of her interactions with /co/le.
It's sort of like looking in the mirror and realizing you don't like what you see and it's the fault of no one but yourself.
Well, the thread died before you could get back to me. Re-posting the current re-work I'm mulling over. The parts following it are still pending reworking. I just need to know if this direction is better than the current one.
They're seated at a table near the back, out of view of the outside area. As soon as they're seated SG begins striking up conversation "It's been far too long since we last got together. I was starting to worry I wouldn't ever see you again."
C: "Sorry, work has just been dragging me all over the place lately."
SG: "Why not take some time off?"
/co/le has a tired expression "I really wish I could. You would not believe what my supervisors are expecting from me."
SG pouts a little "There's pretty much nothing fun to do around here without you. Have you thought about moving back to the city with me?"
"Well I haven't really thought about-" /co/le puts his hand on his pocket "Ah, I'm really sorry, it's my work phone. They wouldn't call me if it wasn't important." As /co/le exits SG sits there in silence looking a little pout-y as she examines the menu.
The director yells "CUT!" and the cameras stop rolling.
SG turns from pout-y to a look of discontent as she watches /co/le prep for the next scene without her.
Clara rushes over and begins touching up SG's makeup and Lily walks by dressed as a waitress setting a glass of water on the table as well as the script.
SG picks up the script and tumbs through it as super speed before asking "What is the point of all this?"
Clara: "To make you look good for the camera."
SG: "No, I mean, all of this."
Lily: "You're in the movie now, you're playing the role of /co/le's love interest who catches him with another woman and blows the whole thing out of proportion by making wild accusations. You know, relationship drama."
Clara: "People gobble that up, art imitating life and such."
SG's face turns red thinking about anything imitating what she's been saying lately. As she thumbs the script again she thinks out loud "Is this really supposed to be imitating me?"
Clara has finished the makeup and is holding a mirror for SG while she answers "The director wanted to write your characters in a way he thought it'd be easy for you to portray."
SG points at the script "Oh, come on. I can't come off as this bad."
Lily cocks an eyebrow "Yeah, you kinda do. What with the giant shadows crawling all over the set before."
Clara: "And the way you're always eyeing Cole. (Not that I could blame you.)"
SG makes a pained expression as she looks at herself in the mirror. Things are not going as she envisioned.
The director yells "Action!" and SG looks on as the next scene begins filming with Skathi and /co/le.She looks back through the script and makes a face of disgust "I think I'd rather just get this over with."
SG gets up abruptly with Lily calling after her "Hey, you're jumping scenes!" she motions to the director who gives a thumbs up and signals his team to be ready to go off script again.
With the cameras rolling a voice calls out to /co/le "There you are!" as the tall blue woman leans down a little to kiss him on both cheeks; it’s Skathi. Pulling back reveals she's wearing a black evening dress with matching gloves.
/co/le "Heh, a bit fancy for this sort of place, huh?"
"You think so? Aside from my armor, this is the most casual outfit I own."
"It looks good on you. Shall we?" /co/le pulls out a chair for her.
Skathi takes a seat and asks "So this is the place you hail from? What secrets must it hold to produce a man such as you."
/co/le smiles and rubs the back of his head, "Well, it's not a long story..."
Before he can actually say his scripted lines /co/le notices the director making random hand signs at him before standing on his head and spinning in his director chair. Being the consummate professional he;s at least aspiring to be, /co/le keeps a straight face and says "Excuse me, I need to use the restroom."
Replies:>>418312
>>418309
From the most recent thread, now we're adding in
Lily cocks an eyebrow "Yeah, you kinda do. What with the giant shadows crawling all over the set before."
Clara: "You're also selfish, clingy, and then there's the way you're always eyeing Cole like a piece of meat. (Not that I could blame you.). I get that you're a god and that's just how gods are, but even I have standards."
Lilly: "And Clara having higher standards than someone is saying a lot."
SG makes a pained expression as she looks at herself in the makeup mirror Clara is still holding up. Things are not going as she envisioned.
Now I'm going to spitball some ideas for what SG's character can say when she sees her boyfriend with the beautiful woman from "work" in the scene after where we are currently.
>Work, huh? Oh, I get it. You'd rather send time with 'work' friends than with me.
>It almost feels like you use work as an excuse to not spend time with me.
>No, it makes total sense, the muscles, the size, who would want to spend time with me when they have options like this? Some little nothing like me...
Something along these lines maybe?
Replies:>>418313
Replies:>>418315
>>418313
Let's try and spruce up this idea for Clara's line you posted on the thread
Lily cocks an eyebrow "Yeah, you kinda do. What with the giant shadows crawling all over the set before."
Clara: "You're also selfish, clingy, only ever think of yourself, and then there's the way you're always eyeing Cole like a piece of meat. (Not that I could blame you.). I get that you're a god and that's just how gods are, but even I have standards."
Lilly: "And Clara having higher standards than someone is saying a lot."
SG makes a pained expression as she looks at herself in the makeup mirror Clara is still holding up. Things are not going as she envisioned.
So we want SG to have her flaws laid bare by Clara. And we specifically want her to show off how self centered she is. I feel it's the right direction, if a little bare bones. Maybe a back and forth form SG and the girls.
Lily cocks an eyebrow "Yeah, you kinda do."
SG:"Excuse you?"
Lily: "What with the giant shadows crawling all over the set before."
SG: "That blue woman was taunting me!"
Clara: "And another thing! You're selfish, clingy, only ever think of yourself."
SG just has enough time to snap to Clara, giving a mouth open "You dare?!" look to the other girl. Clara continues.
Clara: "And there's the way you're always eyeing Cole like a piece of meat. (Not that I could blame you.)."
SG: "I miss your friend, she knew not to talk much."
Clara:"I get that you're a god and that's just how gods are, but even I have standards."
Lilly: "And Clara having higher standards than someone is saying a lot."
SG makes a pained expression as she looks at herself in the makeup mirror Clara is still holding up. Things are not going as she envisioned.
A little better, but I'd rather get your take on it than spend the rest of the night sprucing up one post.
Replies:>>418316
>>418314
I can think of a few things to add in, but it's pretty minor.
Lily cocks an eyebrow "Yeah, you kinda do."
SG: "Excuse you?"
Lily: "What with the giant shadows crawling all over the set before."
SG: "That blue woman was taunting me!"
Clara holds up her other hand and begins counting with her fingers "You're also selfish, clingy..." SG snaps her head around to Clara, giving an indignified open mouthed shocked expression as Clara continues listing off SG's flaws. "And there's the way you're always eyeing Cole like a piece of meat. (Not that I could blame you.)."
SG can only reply curtly "I miss your bigger friend, she didn't talk as much."
Clara: "I get that you're a god and that's just how gods are, but even I have standards."
Lilly: "And Clara having higher standards than someone is saying a lot."
SG makes a pained expression as she looks at herself in the makeup mirror Clara is still holding up. Things are not going as she envisioned.
This is the turning point for SG, but it's not like this one conversation will give her an immediate new perspective. It gives her something to brood over.
Replies:>>418318
>>418315
And that was the idea, SG needing pretty much everyone telling her she's being an ass to realize she is. So far she's just thinking "Well, what do these girls know?" So it's good It looks like I'm not reaching too far for this.
The only thing is the standards thing seems a bit out of left field. I guess I'm missing what Clara's thing is to say she has standards being a smack in the face.
Replies:>>418318
Help out an anon who doesn't follow this, but SG is the initials for who?
Replies:>>418319
>>418316
The standards thing came from me thinking of Magi's interpretation of Clara where she's always reading pornography openly and is a filthy shipper.
So by that logic, Clara has very low standards when it comes to social norms.
>>418317
Shadow Goddess. She also has a proper name, but no one calls her by that until the end of the story.
Replies:>>418320
>>418318
Hmmm, may wanna consider redoing that line, then. trying to come up with something.....
"I know 'the opinion of mortals are beneath you' or whatever, but people have a harder time noticing *me* undressing someone with my eyes."
"And she tells people sometimes."
Hmmm, maybe something shorter.
Replies:>>418321
>>418319
The snap back from Lilly doesn't flow as well.
Is it a problem of Clara's character not being fully established in the narrative we're working on? I think I did have her introduced reading a dirty magazine of some sort.
The current line from Clara might still work if we change Lilly's line to something like "And if you've seen Clara's browsing history, that's saying a lot."
Replies:>>418322
>>418320
Yeah, I think the Season Girls are being used more than what we've written about them would imply.
You seem to like "...that's saying alot."
"And we've seen her creepshots."
Replies:>>418323
>>418321
They're still actually pretty new in the story by this point. I feel like if I focus more on the Seasons Girls, /co/le might end up even more sidelined than I think he is starting to get already.
"I get that you're a god and that's just how gods are, but have some decently."
"You know it's bad when even Clara is telling you to have decently. I've seen her browser history."
Any better?
Replies:>>418324
>>418322
This particular part of the story has him sidelined to build up SG, he's meant to be sidelined a bit. If you think it's more than needed, I don't mind taking this issue from the top. Maybe after reaching the end.
Yeah, those lines work. WAY shorter and to the point.
>>418323
I don't feel like we need to take this issue from the top again right now after this pass of it.
It's just been something at the back of my mind since the first pass that /co/le might not feel like the main character.
Does he feel like the main character of the series overall?
It could just be my imagination or my mindset of hyper-focusing on whatever part is currently being edited.
Replies:>>418326
Where we are now with /co/le:
SG's character puts her hands on her hips in disbelief "Work, huh? Oh, I get it. You'd rather send time with 'work' friends than with me." She balls her hands into fists and points them straight to the ground "It almost feels like you use work as an excuse to not spend time with me."
/co/le's character puts his hands up gently trying to reassure her "You know it's not like that."
But before he can continue SG's character cuts him off "No, it makes total sense. The muscles, the size, who would want to spend time with me when they have options like this?" SG's character makes an up and down motion with her hand as if sizing up Skathi's character "Some little nothing like me... is just getting in the way of your 'work'."
She's reading her lines, improvising a bit here and there. The emotions are hers since she really does feel /co/le is avoiding her with the quest (and he really is), but she doesn't want to believe that. What she wants to believe is that all of these people are keeping him busy to keep him from her and doesn't consider the possibility that he wants to spend time with them beyond just avoiding her.
That's her thought space.
I don't know how much of that thought space can be conveyed in this scene.
Some of it might, and some more of it might be able to carry in after Skathi's line about "work" since that reminds SG that champions do dangerous things often for the sake of the safety of others.
Replies:>>418327
>>418325
Hmmmm, Not too sure why, but it seems a bit off from how we've written previous parts. I feel like these emotions should've come up earlier if they were there, y'know?
Replies:>>418328
>>418326
She's been in denial and hasn't been physically around /co/le since the start of the story until now.
And she's been angry from then till now.
What do you suggest?
Replies:>>418329
>>418327
I think I'm confused about what we're trying to leave SG off at at the end of this.
Replies:>>418330
>>418328
She comes out of it being tired and more willing to help people who aren't /co/le come later on.
Replies:>>418331
>>418329
Ok....Might shift stuff later if your saying what I think you are. But that's later.
The main thing would be maybe she adds lines in? Like she hits the part where the character should end, but interrupts Skathi/Cole by continuing, maybe gettign more visibly angry/ verge of tears/ something in between?
Replies:>>418332
>>418330
The part that is SG alibiing is the "little nothing" line. Might be better if I change it so she's saying that more to Skathi than to /co/le.
The wall I seem to be hitting right now is what /co/le and also /co/le's character should be saying here. He doesn't have much of a reason to be sympathetic towards her, but he still has to be non-hostile.
Replies:>>418333
>>418331
Yeah, I wouldn't take him as empathetic in this sense, seeing as he's STILL trying to keep her away with this "quest" thing.
I'm not sure how t hit this....Maybe Skathi says something about "If you love him you should trust him enough to come back."
This is a bit of a tough one.
Replies:>>418334
>>418332
It might be best to have /co/le stick to the script in this case.
Then when SG cuts him off, Skathi can deliver her 'work' speech to remind SG what champions are supposed to be doing.
We just need to re-work the interaction a bit to make that work. I'm thinking /co/le's line needs to be after SG is measuring up Skathi, but the "little nothing" line can still work before Skathi's line.
It's just the words /co/le's character should be saying aren't as readily coming to me since rom-coms aren't the sort of headspace I can get into easily. I don't know if it should be cheesy or sincere.
Replies:>>418335
>>418333
I dunno, I feel like if he stuck to script there'd need to be something. Like the only neutral reaction I can think of is him thinking her breaking down is awkward and maybe looking around the set for direction?
Maybe he sticks to the script and SG starts adding more lines, so Cole can't really react to lines not in the script?
Replies:>>418336
>>418334
Perhaps a non-verbal response would work then.
I don't really know what he should say in this situation, so maybe that's because he doesn't know what to say either.
These aren't ideas I'm looking to commit to, but thinking them out might give me a breakthrough.
/co/le has been intentionally separating himself from SG, he doesn't want to be around her, he doesn't want to get to know her, he only really wants to know as much as he needs to know to not get grabbed. It's easier to think of a person as more of a "thing" when you don't know them. If /co/le is forced to start considering SG as a person with her own baggage and feelings rather than a god with the same sort of morality they are know for from myths and legends (i.e. scumbags), then he's going to start having complex conflicting emotions.
It's like pitying the monster. Like Obi-Wan cradling the dying Maul in the same way he cradled Qui-Gon and Satine as they died, two people he loved who Maul killed. Acknowledging that the monster did not become this way by their own choosing, but only stayed this way because they would not choose a different path for knowing no other way.
I'm not saying it is anywhere near as deeply emotional as that, that's just the strongest example in my mind of conflicting emotions when it comes to pitying someone who has given you every reason to hate them.
This might be the moment where he finally fully acknowledges the "monster" as a person. One of the things that turns SG around is /co/le treated her like a person.
Or not. This amount of overthinking is something I do with pretty much every single scene we revisit.
But I do think a non-verbal response would work if I can figure out the right words to describe the look on /co/le's face.
Replies:>>418337
>>418335
I can agree with how I'd feel that be the most logical feeling Cole would have.
I guess this would go into her "Adding more lines" I think it would be better to start thinking to make those lines connected to her, even more than the initial write up.
I'm thinking a sort of angry explanation of her actions being "All she knew."
But like your thing, I don't want this to be the end all action we take, unless your liking what I'm putting down.
Replies:>>418338
>>418336
She hasn't quite come to that realization yet. And I don't want to drag this scene out too much.
A non-verbal response from /co/le going into SG putting herself down and then into Skathi's lines seems to be what I'm starting to piece together. It doesn't work for the "script" they are following, but it does work towards the setup needed in the actual story. Skathi's lines need tweaking so she starts off as more of a "No, that's wrong" sort of tone before setting the record straight.
OK, I'm going to try making some adjustments now.
As he enters the restaurant door, SG is coming out of it and they almost collide. SG sees the director on set holding the script and then arcing his hands over his head while flipping the pages. She actually catches onto his meaning and picks up from the script.
SG: "Oh there you are, finished your call?"
Skathi also catches on to what they're ad libbing "An old acquaintance of yours?"
SG: "I'm his GIRLFRIEND."
Skathi: "What a coincidence! /co/le and I were just about to have an early dinner here, care to join us?"
SG: "What? We were supposed to be having a date tonight! /co/le, who is this woman?"
Skathi: "I'm his partner."
SG: "Partner? In what?"
Skathi catches herself remembering she's playing the role of a secret agent "Uh... secret stuff?"
/co/le cuts in "She means from work."
SG's character puts her hands on her hips in disbelief "Work, huh? Oh, I get it. You'd rather send time with 'work' friends than with me." She balls her hands into fists and points them straight to the ground "It almost feels like you use work as an excuse to not spend time with me."
/co/le's character puts his hands up gently trying to reassure her "You know it's not like that."
But before he can continue SG's character cuts him off "No, it makes total sense. The muscles, the size, who would want to spend time with me when they have options like this?" SG's character makes an up and down motion with her hand as if sizing up Skathi's character. "Some little nothing like me... is just getting in the way of your 'work'."
/co/le is looking at her, but he doesn't know what to say. That line wasn't in the script and the mood has shifted far away from the rom-com scene they were shooting. He knows she's speaking from her personal feelings, but he just doesn't have an answer.
Before the science can get too awkward, Skathi is the one to salvage the scene. "No, that is wrong." All eyes are on Skathi now "His 'work' is something he does for you. You are the reason why he marches onward into danger. It is on your behalf that he faces such adversaries." SG is starting to look a little defensive as Skathi continues "We never know when an enemy might attack, we never know who is going to be in danger next, we never know how deadly or cunning our foes will be and what trickery they will resort to. There are a great deal many evils in this world, some so vast and terrifying that lesser men would break at the mere thought of them. When he puts his life on the line he does so because of *you*. To defend your honor, to protect the lives of those he cares about, to live a life he can feel proud of! You are lucky to have a champion such as him by your side."
SG's expression changes to one of wide-eyed realization. Her man, capable that he is, is involved in her godly affairs now. She made him involved. Her godly kin know he exists because of her. Something in her mind finally clicks with what Lilly and Clara were telling her as she thinks "Oh no, I'm being an asshole. Like them."
From SG's lack of response, Skathi has a realization of her own "Oh drat, I've gone off script again."
The director, however, is fist-pumping silently, pleased with the result.
Now it's SG's turn to salvage the scene as she pulls out a chair "Maybe it's time we talked about work."
Replies:>>418339
>>418337
That's probably the best way we're gonna be able to take this route without the making Cole have a big thing about what SG is doing.
To that point, do we leave him in the dark on that? Have him somewhat knowing what's going on?
We're already gonna need to change stuff later already, we really needed to do this.
Replies:>>418340
>>418338
This whole pass is pretty much the add loads more details pass, so we have endless room to add more stuff later on. It's just a matter of recognizing where we can add it. While we've discussed the emotional state of every character in this scene, I feel it isn't possible to convey all of that here. Not without dragging the whole thing out and making it feel like it's going on a tangent anyway.
/co/le has an idea of what SG and, by extension, her pantheon is like. In his mind he has associated them with the classical versions of the Greek gods, so a bunch of crazed rapists whose motivations for doing anything are driven by egos a normal human can hardly comprehend. After this he should make more of an effort to find out more or at least ask more questions of 696 so he can begin to draw a distinction between SG and the rest.
In the best light, /co/le knows that they operate on a different set of morality than he does. That's him giving them the biggest benefit of the doubt he can muster.
Replies:>>418341
>>418339
Has the change been added in? I'd like to read the whole thing, because I feel the original "Cut and scene" joke might not work with this change.
Replies:>>418342
>>418340
I haven't updated the doc with it yet since I wanted to get your input on it first.
Anything past the current point I was working on in that post I have yet to adjust. I too thought it would probably be jarring if the current changes were pasted in before addressing what comes after.
I guess I should paste that part in now.
Something I'm going to note here so I remember it later since I just thought of it: SG should feel more lonely than usual when she goes back home. She actually liked butting heads with Skathi and the Seasons Girls.
But that's for later.
>>418342
Yeah, that's the idea, but that's for later.
Right now we're on the fade to black part and lines leading up to it though. Do we cut that or rework it? I think parts of it can still work, but I'm not sure if the humor feels like mood whiplash as is.
Replies:>>418348
>>418345
If I'm scouting for places to add in any of SG's inner conflict, it'd be right before the young god startles her in her kitchen.
Nothing else stands out particularly to me for the rest of the opening part in the cloud kingdom, but that's for you to tell me. I actually like the opening bit after rereading it.
Where we can add in /co/le wanting more info about SG from 696 is easy. Just have him ask 696 about it first thing in the morning (page 47 currently) "So about what we talked about last night..." and then 696 gives him some details.
I'll get more into that after we've gone through the opening bit though.
Replies:>>418349
>>418346
Reading now
>Does he feel like the main character of the series overall?
It could just be my imagination or my mindset of hyper-focusing on whatever part is currently being edited.
Forgot to answer that when it was recent.
I won't lie in saying that I'm having the same gut feeling, but I'm more willing to rationalize that it's probably more to do with us editing shit and Cole not being a major focus on said bits than him being a non character. We've had to kind of swirl around the personalities of damn near the whole pantheon, 696 a bit. I think we just haven't really touched Cole because he is the main character, and therefore, all the extra characters can be bent to fit him.
Though I'll probably wanna re read the whole thing in it's entirety just to be safe.
Replies:>>418350
>>418348
Once we get through the second pass (whenever that is) I'll re-read the whole thing and probably end up with more things to change or edit if I feel my suspicion hasn't changed.
Replies:>>418351
>>418349
Ok, so just for the sake of clarity, she's tired from trying to process her new emotions?
Replies:>>418352
>>418350
Yes, tried from feeling new emotions, tired from being introspective, and also just normal tired from acting and dealing with other people.
Also, looks like we've managed to push this thread beyond bump limit, possibly a first for the third iteration of the /coc/ board since I have no idea if it is 300 or 500 posts.
Either way, this thread isn't going to be disappearing anytime soon.
Replies:>>418353
>>418351
Oh goodie,
Would her regular reaction be from jostling be to cast a transforming spell? Maybe make it a reaction to a spell of the tyoung god's own? make it more here reacting back, not realizing the power she has. Also, maybe the "casting is her making a hand gesture like a bird with the ensuing shadow molds him into a bird.
>>418352
Have you ever been so tired and out of it that when someone taps you on the back to get your attention you jump up from shock? Some people even have a knee-jerk reaction of punching the tapper in the face.
SG has been in some godly battles recently and the divine rush hasn't really worn off in full yet, so this isn't her regular reaction.
The young god wasn't trying to cast any spell or anything at all upon her.
Replies:>>418380
Well that was an odd way to end the thread.
I'd like to have the the start of wanting to know more of the pantheon be something we see happen, not brought up from some time we weren't there.
Replies:>>418381
>>418374
Sometimes threads just end. We might be in for an interesting thread next time if that was the IKAG artist. (The trade chain is one of the scripts I did the bulk of the writing for, so this is exciting to see it happening).
I can't think of a good place in issue 6 to put it and I don't want to fuck with 6 to make one for it.
If you have an idea though, lay it on me.
Replies:>>418382
>>418380
And literally as soon as I post this I had an idea.
The start of /co/le's inquiry can be where we are right now, we drop the "so about last night" and just have him ask his agent right there and then.
Then we have the bulk of 696's expo-dump/knowledge dropping later when he's at the gym, which is after the day's work is mostly done.
Replies:>>418384
>>418381
Maybe Cole is mulling over SG's improv, and that make him wanna know what her baggage is?
Replies:>>418386
>>418382
Yes, but the problem of having it in issue 6 is that SG is still hanging around.
/co/le wanting to know more about her an expressing that in front of her, well, that's a bit much for him to deal with since he doesn't know HOW she would go about informing him.
Replies:>>418393
>>418386
So, right after his stretches.
He opens his closet where his champion outfit hangs and looks at himself in the door mirror. He, looks away, then back, then shakes his head and thinks to himself "OK, OK, I know that was more than just improv on her part. I have to look into this."
We see /co/le's trailer from the outside as the door opens and /co/le emerges in his champion costume, only also wearing a struggling t-shirt over top of it that looks like it could rip to pieces at any moment. As he walks down the steps of his trailer, his agent appears holding a clipboard.
Before his agent can give him the daily schedule, /co/le asks him a question "Hey, so, what do we actually know about my goddess?"
Is that enough lead in? How should 696 react to that? Surprise?
Replies:>>418394
>>418391
Maybe he remembers a specific line, or a face she was making and realized it was real, as opposed to "good for the camera", but aside from that, that parts good
696 probably wouldn't be surprised, If anything I'd think he'd be thinking "finally I can do my job."
I would assume his response would be as soft as "Finally you ask." to as harsh as "You finally got over yourself. Good, now we can get you informed."
Replies:>>418395
>>418393
Six-Nine-Six lowers the clipboard and pulls up his rune screen "So you're finally getting your priorities in order. Good." The runes on the screen begins to rearrange as he continues "The specifics of your goddess are scarce, even details about her pantheon are scarce."
/co/le: "So not much to go on?"
Six-Nine-Six would be rolling his eyes if he had them, but since he lacks the optical spheres, he settles for tipping his shades "Champ, I have had months to look into this. I've just been waiting for you to ask, but going over everything will take more time than we have right now."
/co/le: "Ah, right... So what's on today's schedule?"
Save the expositions for later in the gym scene.
Now about /co/le remembering a line.
He opens his closet where his champion outfit hangs and looks at himself in the door mirror. In his mind a scene of his goddess from yesterday flashes by of her teary face saying "Some little nothing like me..."
and then the rest.
Replies:>>418396
>>418394
Looks good to me.
So, you think we should take another crack at Phorisols trying to convince the actor (Jake, was it?). Not the actual scenes (unless you want to) but the lines look like they could use a one over.
Replies:>>418397
>>418395
The actor's name is Kyle, wasn't it?
Yeah, those parts likely need some retouching. The idea is that she's manipulating his memories (folding them) to make what he sees line up with what she's telling him to get him more on board with attacking /co/le on his own.
The more agency a champion has, the less power a god has to expend on them.
Replies:>>418398
>>418396
Right, Kyle! That was the joke!
So Phori tries to spin that Cole is a sexual deviant and hangs around with literal demons.
You think we should have them overhearing the new lines? Try and spin it into something like "See! She took him once and he's begging for more!"
Replies:>>418399
>>418397
The current line is:
"Look at him, emerging from his den of debauchery to conspire with his hellish minion from beyond this Earthly realm. What sort of sinister plots could they be hatching?"
So we want maybe something more like this?
"Behold, the beast emerges. Fresh from his slumber he at once conspires with his hellish minion, no doubt seeking new and depraved ways to quench his lust."
Replies:>>418400
>>418398
Sure. that's good.
The only particular change on the second one is maybe the point of confusion is Daisy picking up some large breakfast meal, because she eats a lot if I remember the art correctly.
Maybe have Phori saying flat out "Oops, just tuck that one away." showing his memory folding the part daisy gets food inward.
Replies:>>418401
>>418399
So
"We'll just tuck the memory of the girl away and... Look at him, the glutton devours all that he sees without any care for others. He would let the whole world starve just to keep himself from missing a single meal."
I think we might have a seven deadly sins theme on our hands. Not sure if it's worth doing all seven.
Replies:>>418402
>>418400
Might bloat it a bit with what we have already, with the exposition of the pantheon coming up already.
And I was thinking more
As Phori finishes her sentence, Kyle gives a look of confusion, as Daisy pulls up a steak, egg, bacon, and hashbrown pile of a breakfast, before walking off.
"Whoops!" Phori plunges her hands deep in Kyle's head.
"Just tuck that one away."
Replies:>>418403
>>418401
Ah, you mean to add it to the following line.
The actor blinks a few times, as if he’s catching on to how stupid that sounds while watching Daisy walk by, her plate piled high with eggs, bacon, hash browns, and a large steak.
"Whoops!" Phori plunges her hands even deeper in Kyle's head. "Just tuck that memory away." and his confusion fades.
And the seven deadly sins thing is just something I was mulling over. Could turn the "tripping" into envy or something, but it's not an idea I'm pushing for.
Replies:>>418404
>>418402
I was more worried about adding more things, if you wanna shift what we have, I'm willing to hear you out.
Replies:>>418405
>>418403
It's not so much an idea, just an observation I made and brought up encase we needed more for this issue so it could serve as a starting point.
So the stuff on set with Kyle almost falling off the building is all fine?
Are we heading to the gym part? If so, is the stuff Six-Nine-Six tells Cole about SG going to be before or after learning about the Season's Heralds? It'd probably work best before.
Replies:>>418406
>>418404
Yeah, that one's fine for the most part.
probably. Maybe have it as the season girls to segue to their thing as the sorta slide into the gym.
"Oh, you talking about your pantheon?"
Replies:>>418407
>>418405
Alright, so we're here
Late in the afternoon, /co/le is at the on-set gym with Daisy and Marigold. /co/le is lifting weights as Daisy spots him and Marigold is kicking a punching bag. As /co/le finishes a rep his demon agent appears to hand him a towel.
/co/le: "Thanks. So, what have you found out about her?"
Now, what do we need this to accomplish? That's where we left off. /co/le needs to be made aware that SG is not well liked, even before this champion business. Something to make him more likely to trust her later.
Replies:>>418408
>>418406
Good question. I'd we wanna show that her getting her power is pissing off her fellow gods more than usual, being the runt and all. Basically she's upsetting the shaky balance, since she's upsetting her old role of laughing stock.
As for trust... that might be harder. Underdog story is fine and all, but she did also use him like a trampoline. I'm having a hard time to make her more trustworthy. More likable, sure, but more trustworthy? Nothing good coming up, yet.
>>418407
It is a bit hard since she went old school Zeus on /co/le at the start. I don't want to change that since I think gods should have different morals than mortals given what they are and the nature of their egos. I also don't want to play that for drama.
From /co/le's point of view, it is a thing that happened, and it happened before he knew how clingy she is.
If not trust, then willingness to believe what she says to be true and without ulterior motive.
I'm going to spitball a bit. See if anything fits or looks like it can be worked into something better.
Six-Nine-Six: "Her pantheon? It's made up of... fragments. They don't have any one history. It's more of a mashup of stray beliefs rolled together for greater stability. This stability is now threatened by your goddess' growing power. See, she's seen as the runt of the bunch. A nobody among nobodies."
"So we don't know much at all?"
"She does have a history, a consistent, traceable history as a minor deity. A few of them do. The ones who do tend to 'hook up' to maintain their identities. But she was left with no partner and no prospects other than to diminish until she is forgotten and disappears."
For a god, being forgotten is a death sentence. A smart god will branch out into a new domain, anything where there is unclaimed belief, to maintain their identity. Failing that, another option is to partner up with another god so their mutual acknowledgment of each other gives them greater, self-sustaining longevity.
Replies:>>418410
>>418408
Oh that's easier, then.
I could see her realizing quickly her domain and the champions she could gather could never match the powers of the others in their heyday. So pretty early on she didn't really pick champions. She would just hop around, finding places where people wanted to hear a story, and use her shadows to weave grand tales. She would tell of her pantheon and their triumphs, of the champions and their adventures, or even just the humor of everyday life.
Something along those lines. Getting late or I'd write out more.
Replies:>>418412
>>418409
So she was like a bard of the group, and then the pantheon withdrew from the world, she no longer had a role and they just forgot what it was she used to do.
Could be a good angle.
Replies:>>418420
>>418410
Yeah, The thing I wanted to add, because I was too tired, was that she told stories with not too much consideration for the other gods, which meant she told about they and their champions fumbles as well as their triumphs. With the massive ego of the pantheon, they didn't take kindly to that.
Replies:>>418421
>>418412
Alright, so more spitballing. Let me know if any of this feels workable.
Six-Nine-Six: "Her pantheon? It's made up of... fragments. They don't have any one history. It's more of a mashup of stray beliefs rolled together for greater stability. This stability is now threatened by your goddess' growing power. See, she's seen as the runt of the bunch. A nobody among nobodies."
/co/le: "Not helpful."
Six-Nine-Six: "I'm building up to it. For a god, being forgotten is a death sentence. A smart god will branch out into a new domain, anything where there is unclaimed belief, to maintain their identity. Failing that, another option is to partner up with another god so their mutual acknowledgment of each other gives them greater, self-sustaining longevity. She didn't branch out until recently and she has to partner, so how has she stuck around for so long?"
/co/le, Marigold, and Daisy all give each other glances and shrug.
Six-Nine-Six continues "She has a history, a consistent, traceable history as a minor deity. Her role was to tell stories."
Marigold: "We kind of got that already. Goddess of shadow puppetry and all."
Six-Nine-Six: "Stories about the other gods. She told the humans about their feats, but also of their failures in equal measure."
/co/le puts his hand on his chin "So they see her as a leech. She's been able to stick around because of how closely tied she is to the other gods. Humans wouldn't even know about them if she hadn't told them."
Six-Nine-Six: "Now you're getting it."
/co/le: "Does that mean the other gods of her pantheon hate her because they blame her for their decline?"
I'm not sure how much of this works. It might be too wordy, but it's a start.
Replies:>>418422
>>418420
Hmm, so she's keeping these people alive, but they don't have any respect for her? I'm not seeing how this is a good way to go about it. Plus, our whole thing with war was that his power was from his domain still being used in such massive quantities, champions or worship be damned.
Replies:>>418425
>>418421
This is why it's spitballing.
I'm throwing out ideas to see if they work, and if they don't they get scrapped.
How much of what we have since >>418408 actually works or feels like it's in line with the direction of the story?
SG being the bard can work, but the role of the bard is to tell the tales. Eventually the bard is going to be well known for telling the tales and have just as much renown as the stories told. The problem is no one gives a shit about a bard whose stories they've already heard a dozen times over, leading to her telling tales of the other gods' failures.
But that's not the direction we want to go in?
So let's figure out WHY they hate SG so much.
What's she done that has made them neglect her so?
>>418423
More than half of it has been us working on the /co/le story I think.
It tends to take a lot of discussion to make headway on it.
Replies:>>418426
>>418422
>>418422
The whole fragmented pantheon works. Gods being retro fitted together works, hell, it's how the greeks did it.
My idea with the story telling thing was explaining how she got any power at all, given her weak and very niche domain during the pantheon relevancy.
My idea of what happens to a pantheon when no one worships them is kinda what already happened to them to an extent: Immortality with no ability to really use it. The only reason they have any power left is because the religious practice in their day had the mortals count any act in the domain as a tribute to the respective god, hence why war is still the most powerful. Actual worship is still much stronger, but they get something out of any act.
as to why they hate SG? Because she's a constant nuisance they're stuck with. She was a weak goddess who couldn't play by the pantheon rules and cheated any power she got by talking shit about us! then when we come by and tell her duel champions to learn some respect, she mopes and whines like it's their fault she sucks at picking a champion last minute. Then when they fall into obscurity she's STILL there, stuck with them even though she never was friends with almost any of them in the first place. then as the centuries stretched on, the gods did their godly rituals while she groaned and moaned like a cat in heat because no one would bed her if given the choice. And would you blame them? look at her, she practically looks like a mortal! EUGH.
So basically massive and lack of understanding others made them hate her.
At least that's my take.
>>418423
get the confetti, we did it.
Replies:>>418439
>>418425
So we take it in a slightly different direction.
Six-Nine-Six: "Her pantheon? It's made up of... fragments. They don't have any one history. It's more of a mashup of stray beliefs rolled together for greater stability. This stability is now threatened by your goddess' growing power. See, she was seen as the runt of the bunch. A nobody among nobodies."
/co/le: "So even among her fellow gods, she's not popular."
Six-Nine-Six: "Gods typically frown upon weakness and they've had a long time to frown at her. Her sudden spike in power has only made them that much more resentful of her."
Is this more in the right direction?
Replies:>>418440
>>418426
H'okay, I'm having trouble with the line of Cole's before 696 has his creepy voice come up. More specifically, It looks more 696 jumping to conclusions. Might want a line that can better be mistaken with evil intentions.
Replies:>>418441
>>418439
Right now the line is
>/co/le: "Because they can't get to her while I'm still around."
So, to make 696's line make more sense, /co/le's line needs to be more like
>/co/le: "So if I weren't around, they'd rip her to pieces."
is what you're getting at?
Replies:>>418442
>>418440
I dunno, that doesn't really get to me. It seems like 696 was getting excited at Cole saying "What if I kill myself?" Which is fine, I guess, just seems to go against the orginiaztion he's working for's MO.
Replies:>>418443
>>418441
Any alternative suggestions?
>So without me, she's dead.
>So they're just waiting for me to be out of the picture before they can get rid of her.
Because I'm not coming up with much right now.
Replies:>>418444
>>418442
Just something that might be taken as Cole has an evil plan. Maybe something like.
> So if I weren't around, they'd rip her to pieces. Maybe we can get her out of their hair for them....
or
> Because they can't get to her while I'm still around. If only we could get to he, ourselves...
Something like that, you see what I mean?
Replies:>>418446
>>418444
Okay, with that out of the way, does he have a plan? Or a general idea of what needs to be done?
Replies:>>418451
>>418445
Ah, that leads back to the initial problem that I had forgotten about.
This problem, I mean:
>but that won't lead anywhere, so I don't want to pursue that line of thought.
/co/le's line needs to hint more at his hero thoughts kicking in than any sort of plan forming. He just needs to say it in a way where 696 thinks /co/le would allow SG to be murdered by the other gods to get out of this.
Rather than more lines, maybe a descriptor for body langue can be what throws the demon off.
/co/le: "So if I weren't around, they'd rip her to pieces." /co/le puts a hand to his chin and takes a seat, deep in thought.
Six-Nine-Six: "Oh?" There's a creepy, deep undertone to that inquiry, like some sinister gears have started moving behind the demon’s shades "You'd go that far to get out of your contract?"
/co/le: "No. No, I don't think so. At one point I was trying to be a hero. I always asked myself 'What would a hero do in this situation?' when I went into danger. Kept me in the right mindset." /co/le taps his head with a finger "As much as I'd rather avoid her, the way I see it she needs help." He runs his fingers through his hair "And I just CAN'T ignore that now that I know it."
It's a few minor changes that MIGHT work.
Replies:>>418452
>>418446
Yeah....yeah that'll work actually.
Maybe a slight pause from 696, dumbfounded by the unironic boy scout attitude before the creepy laugh.
good call.
Replies:>>418453
>>418451
It takes me a little while to figure things out sometimes, but we do get there.
Tweaked lines and pause added in to the doc.
So what's next for this issue?
Replies:>>418454
>>418452
The season girls' god talk, you moved that there, right? From another issue?
>>418453
If I did, it wasn't during this pass since it has been where it is for some time now.
One of the perils of this sort of long form editing is not being able to remember where everything might've been months ago.
Replies:>>418469
>>418461
I've re-positioned the note in the doc.
We're almost done with this pass of issue 7.
Replies:>>418470
>>418462
Kyle: “The Folding Goddess told me everything. I know what your goddess is doing, and I can’t let this continue.”
C: “She’s never going to let me go. Even if you beat me I’m still stuck with her.”
Folding Champion: “You misunderstand, Cole. To stop her influence from spreading, I must kill you before it’s too late.”
Something about Cole jumping to that is off to me. I think he'd be more worried in this other goddess thinking his goddess is on some secret plan.
Replies:>>418471
>>418469
C: "If she told you everything then you know this fight won't actually change anything. Win or lose, I'll still be in her service."
More like that or a more drastic rewrite?
Replies:>>418472
>>418470
Nah, that works.
Maybe Cole being confused on the killing part
Cole: Wait a sec- KILL me? I think you got the goddess' champ?
Replies:>>418474
>>418471
>I think you got the goddess' champ?
I am very confused by this, did you forget a word?
Wrong goddess' champ?
Putting in another line from /co/le there might undercut the panic from the staff upon hearing Kyle say that. We could add in more emphasis on that instead with /co/le watching the people get out before resigning himself to this fight.
Replies:>>418475
>>418472
Hmmm, On second thought, forget that line. You're right, it clashes with what happens after.
There doesn't seem to be much left to fiddle with the rest of this issue. Nothing I think could possibly benefit a do over, outside anything bugging you.
Replies:>>418476
>>418474
I've made a few tweaks here and there, just grammar and phrasing, but nothing stands out to me for the remainder of the issue.
We good to move onto issue 8 now?
Replies:>>418477
>>418475
The Folding Goddess takes the opportunity to gloat at SG over her champion’s predicament. She smugly strides over to an intently watching, but unworried looking SG
Ok, this is what I was talking about earlier. Isn't Cole being told flat out "Imma kill you" not at least a bit a little worrying for SG?
Replies:>>418478
>>418476
SG is just confident that /co/le won't die so easily.
The threat of "I'll kill you" is used so frequently without the real intent behind it that SG is unaware of how seriously Phori is actually taking this. Phori has wound up her champion, sure, but he's still not gone in for an attempt at a killing blow up to that point in the fight.
When he actually tries to kill him with smothering and not the showboating that's been happening thus far, that's when SG's demeanor should change.
Replies:>>418480
>>418477
Might wanna change the later dialogue to reflect that, in that case.
So the goddess' fighting is beefing up War?
Replies:>>418494
>>418478
Yeah, chaining up the dialogue to reflect that is the plan.
War gets bulked up indirectly by any sort of major conflict, but divine conflicts are something he is directly linked to. The fiercer champions clash, the more power he can absorb from them. Like how when two swords clash hard enough sparks come off. Those sparks are pieces of the swords.
If two champions fight seriously, something is going to get broken lose and it will go to War.
Replies:>>418495
>>418480
My thoughts are maybe SG calling on Phori's bluff, the gall of her doing that and the other gods looking over her push her to prove her champion can before going for it.
Or maybe have War, instead of saying "The manual way" Try and anger Phori enough to go for it.
Also, make sure the names are put in properly, FC -> Kyle, Folding Goddess -> Phorisols
Replies:>>418496
>>418494
With Kyle I made an intentional shift to Folding Champion after he challenges /co/le to a champion fight since he's not really in high right mind by that point.
With the gods and goddesses I ended up referring to them as their subject area rather than by name when they're in the middle of doing fights for some reason that made sense to me at the time. My thinking there is like they stop being an individual and just become a force with how consumed they get with the fight. I'll probably revise that here and there going forward.
Alright, so to make the changes you are suggesting, I need to rearrange some things, meaning a lot of minor changes need to be made over several paragraphs all at the same time.
Phorisols: “Look at that, your man went down. Now you'll have to find a new boy toy to play with. Good luck with that.”
SG: “Why would I need a new one? /co/le's fine.”
Phorisols: “Why...? What- Because he lost!”
SG: “So? I'm not blind, I can tell you and your champion are just bluffing about killing anyone.”
Phorisols is taken aback by this. She expected some anger, some resentment, some sort of reaction which she could lord over, but SG is completely unmoved. Phorisols, young and inexperienced as she is as a goddess, is at a loss for words.
Some of the other gods in the audience can be heard chatting among themselves.
G1: “Hmp, so she’s not giving him up? What’s even at stake here if his pride or honor doesn’t matter?”
G2: “That’s just how the world below is now. Losing one's pride doesn't ruin one’s reputation anymore. Most of the people who, uh, ‘follow’ him won’t stop, no matter the outcome. There's no reason to give up a champion anymore if he's still adored even if he loses.”
G3: “If she renounced him right here and now, all that ambient belief would collect upon the Folding Champion. I bet she's just holding out until his friends win the fight for him.”
The War God is also in attendance. He’s too prideful to admit it, but even he has noticed minor gods of trivial things who he once considered far beneath him were swelling with power. At best his own power was remaining static, unchanged, or maybe even weaker now that humans waged wars of an increasingly impersonal, detached nature. Conflict between champions again was good for him, it encouraged people to fight each other personally, meaning more power would flow to him. But at this rate the fight’s outcome would be as if there never was any fight at all. A stalemate, the worst kind of conclusion.
War God sets aside the massive turkey leg he had been eating and decides it’s time to work some magic. He begins to goad Phorisols “Are you really going to take that from her? You seem to have put a lot of work into that mortal of yours, it'd be a shame if it all went to waste, being beaten by a rush job of a champion like that.”
I'm not content with the final goading line, but I wanted to get the rearrangement out there before moving forward anymore paragraphs.
Replies:>>418497
>>418495
That reads good for an general set up.
I'd suggest some differences in the lines.
SG: "Unlike you, I'm not new to the champion deal, your death threat is hollow, you could never go through with it."
I'd like to know what the nameless gods conversing is trying to convey. Are they conveying War's thoughts to the reader?
Maybe have War saying something like.
"These peons, gaining power. Enough to surpass...No, I can't let that be. Time to get my power from a more....personal source."
War walks up to Phorisols, staring at her like an expectant dean.
"Well? Is it true? Is your threat hollow?"
"War?" Phori goes quiet, shocked as everyone else of him directly addressing her.
"Are you going to sit here and let her talk down on you? HER?" War points his thumb over his shoulder, in the general direction of SG, who leers at him, wondering what he's planning.
"No! I mean-"
"I know your parents, Phorisols, They weren't ones to be pushed around. If you can't stand up to a runt like her-"
"Of course I can!"
"Then PROVE IT! I haven't seen your champion even pierce hers!"
*Fuckery happens so Kyle makes Cole bleed, Making SG get visibly shocked.*
"Now, you have her champion in your hands, she won't give up. What will you do."
Phorisols looks at SG, gives a shit eating grin, War's peer pressure working flawlessly.
"Champion! Kill him."
*Inset Cat fight.*
Those are the initial things, feel like War goading would be a big deal, so I wrote it out like one, hopefully.
>>418496
>I'd like to know what the nameless gods conversing is trying to convey. Are they conveying War's thoughts to the reader?
They're basically shit talking the whole fight. It's a "back in my day" sort of thing. Really, they're just being boisterous assholes since back in their day they resorted to all kinds of underhanded divine dickery to win, up to and including having someone else win for them like they're complaining about right there.
They also make War realize that popularity equates to power in the mortal world now since War is still out of the loop about that development.
I'm not against those lines being cut or altered though to better fit the narrative flow. I probably will cut G3's line when I re-write this to incorporate your suggestions.
>*Fuckery happens so Kyle makes Cole bleed, Making SG get visibly shocked.*
Nah, not doing that. The whole reason he resorts to suffocation is it's a method he can actually kill /co/le with.
If he could make him bleed, then he wouldn't have to resort to smothering.
Some of this might not work with what comes after this paragraphs where /co/le is baiting FC into monologing.
Alright, let's see about re-writing this before I pass out from sleep deprivation.
Phorisols: “Look at that, your man went down. Now you'll have to find a new boy toy to play with. Good luck with that.”
SG: “Why would I need a new one? /co/le's fine.”
Phorisols: “Why...? What- Because he lost!”
SG: “I've been playing this game far longer than you have. Your death threats are all hollow.”
Phorisols is taken aback by this. She expected some anger, some resentment, some sort of reaction which she could lord over, but SG is completely unmoved. Phorisols, young and inexperienced as she is as a goddess, is at a loss for words.
Some of the other gods in the audience can be heard chatting among themselves.
G1: “Hmp, so she’s not giving him up? What’s even at stake here if his pride or honor doesn’t matter?”
G2: “That’s just how the world below is now. Losing one's pride doesn't ruin one’s reputation anymore. Most of the people who, uh, ‘follow’ him won’t stop, no matter the outcome. There's no reason to give up a champion anymore if he's still adored even if he loses.”
The War God is also in attendance and overhears the chatter. He thinks to himself "So she really has become that powerful. Enough to surpass... No, I can't let this stand. My powers have remained stagnant for too long, time to pull from... closer sources." He sets aside the massive turkey leg he had been eating and walks up to Phorisols.
Like a disappointed grandfather, War asks the young goddess "Well? Is it true? Is your threat hollow?"
"War?" Phori asks, just as shocked as everyone else with him directly addressing her.
--------------------------------------
SCENE WITH /CO/LE ON EARTH GOES HERE. DO NOT FORGET THIS FUTURE ME.
--------------------------------------
WG: "Are you just going to stand there and lose control of your champion? Lose to HER?" War points his thumb over his shoulder, in the general direction of SG, who leers at him, wondering what he's planning.
Phori: "No! I mean-"
WG: "I've known your parents a long time, Phorisols, they weren't ones to be pushed around. If you can't stand up to a runt like her-"
Phori: "Of course I can!"
WG: "Then PROVE IT! You have her champion at your mercy and she still won't yield, you just have to follow through."
Phorisols looks at SG then back to War then down into the mortal world at her faltering champion
The Folding Goddess: “You’re going to kill him! Kill him now! Your goddess demands this!”
Replies:>>418501
Sorry about dropping off, there, got in a slump all a sudden. Ready to pick back up. We're getting into the Goddess' beginning their fight, right?
Replies:>>418503
>>418501
Actions fine on Earth, So the focus should be with the Goddess fight in the clouds.
Mainly, since we're going with SG saying "Take it back!" We could have her doing the fight with spares "Call it off!" lines form SG, like someone telling someone else to say uncle.
Replies:>>418504
>>418502
Sure, I've made some tweaks here and there in the doc as I've been reading through the issue again from where we left off.
Replies:>>418506
>>418504
Mostly phrasing, grammar, wording, adding in the SG lines of telling Phori to take it back, etc. Things to make events unfolding in the text more clear.
A lot of minor things that would be difficult to list off without breaking my focus on making fixes while doing so.
Replies:>>418507
>>418505
My only thing would maybe have her shadow doing the big shit. Like SG is making the movements, but the shadow is doing the actual lifting.
Replies:>>418508
>>418506
An idea that has been in the back of my mind for a while now is that the more SG comes out of her shell and develops into a character, as in being open about her thoughts and feelings, the less prominent her shadow becomes.
The shadow is essentially her inner monologue, or inner pantomime. It has some agency of its own at times, but only when SG is ignoring or choosing not to act on her godly intuition and it is forced to make her realize what she is already aware of.
In this regard I do not see it as being able to do the heavy lifting since SG would be in tune with herself to pull off those sorts of divine actions.
Now, if you have a particular idea for what her shadow would be doing, lay it on me. I'm always down to hear ideas I didn't consider.
Replies:>>418509
>>418507
I think you were saying that the shadow wasn't actually sentient, just seeming that way because SG's loneliness had her talking to it. It was always more a tool, with it showing her inner feelings more a consequence of her not focusing on it (This point we still seem to be on the same page on).
To that end, I'm seeing her using the shadow as a mech, for lack of a better word, ala Pacific Rim (It follows her moves). But that's one way to do it. If she's more "In tune" she could just as easily make them into gauntlets that give her extra arms to throw more shit, a rope to yank the buildings to throw, whatever. I just think her shadow is her method of pulling godly feats, just as Looma uses her cloth and string to work her magic.
Replies:>>418516
>>418508
What I'm thinking is there is actually no distinction between SG and her shadow. They are the same entity, like how your right and left hands are both still parts of your body.
But anyway, I can see her using her shadow to lift the houses to toss at Phori either as like big claw arms or as an avatar of herself, but she'd grow giant when she picks up the entire kingdom to smash over Phori. Or the perspective trick would be in effect.
Either way, how does this work for you?
Back up in the cloud city of the gods, SG and Phorisols' fight is reshaping the very landscape of the cloud kingdom itself. WG and other gods are chilling on a cloud couch floating above it all eating popcorn watching them throw down to keep out of the line of fire. SG's shadow coils around her arms giving her massive shadowy clawed hands which she uses like grappling hooks to fling at Phorisols who dodges them easily like a leaf in the wind, but the Folding Goddess was not the Shadow Goddess' true target as she's grabbed hold of the buildings behind her and pulls them up from their foundations to slam back down at her foe.
Phorisols dodges the buildings as they drop, taunting the shadow goddess “It doesn’t matter how powerful you’ve become if you can’t hit me.”
SG reaches down and grabs the ground of the cloud city itself, her shadow spreading from her arms to encapsulate the floating island. The entire city is now in the palm of SG’s hand as she shouts at the younger goddess “YOU WILL TAKE THAT ODER BACK!” SG hurls the entirety of the kingdom at the stunned Phorisols. It’s simply too massive to dodge.
The cloud is cracked into pieces by the impact of it being used to hit Phorisols. One of the other gods exclaims “NOT THE WINE FOUNTAIN!” as her surveys the devastation.
As WG is laying flat on his back on the ground, jostled by the impact, he realizes something “The others weren't joking about her power.”
Replies:>>418517
>>418509
Fuck that was some shit. sorry for the silence.
I'm not getting the throwing the island at Phori, what's happening?
Replies:>>418518
>>418516
Let me tell you a little about the inspiration pool I am pulling from whenever I write god-on-god VIOLENCE.
In the climax of "Aesma and the Red Eyed King" Aesma lifts the entirety of creation itself, The Wheel as it is called, to use as little more than a bludgeoning tool to beat the Red Eyed King to death with. Something that is truly impossible to do, yet is done anyway because that's how gods roll.
With this in mind, how might I make it more clear that SG has grabbed the entire cloud island to use in a similar blunt instrument way?
Maybe add in a line to show how small Phori is looking as she floats in the void where the kingdom once was as it is hurled back into place?
Replies:>>418519
>>418517
Maybe a line on the ground beneath her going away, but still standing, and when hit by the bottom of the island she flies downward, only to somehow still hit the top of the island.
>>418518
Alright. How about...
SG reaches down and grabs the ground of the cloud city itself, her shadow spreading from her arms to encapsulate the floating island. Phorisols finds herself now standing in empty sky, gazing upon the enraged shadow goddess who now has the city in the palm of her hand. As SG pulls her arm back poised to strike she shouts at the younger goddess “YOU WILL TAKE THAT ODER BACK!” and hurls the entirety of the kingdom at the stunned Phorisols. It’s simply too massive to dodge.
As Phorisols slams back down into solid footing the island is cracked to pieces by the impact, large fissures now divide the island casing many of its structures to crumble. One of the other gods exclaims “NOT THE WINE FOUNTAIN!” as he surveys the devastation.
As WG is laying flat on his back on the ground, jostled by the impact, he realizes something “The others weren't joking about her power.”
So before the weekly thread ended, the current line up for revision is
>“Another champion defeated, makes little difference to me who wins or loses since I always get a share. Those are all my clothes after all. A few more outfits and I might just be able to rival you.”
Change to:
>"No matter who wins or loses I always get a share. Those are all my clothes after all. Just a little bit more, and then..."
Does that work for you editor anon?
new Colette art from Psu.
Replies:>>418546
Here's my crack at the new War lines, lemme know if you think they're any good or too much.
At first the War God just leans of the frame, smugly watching SG from a distance. After this fails to get her attention he lets out a cough.
SG rolls her eyes, but refuses to look at him as she asks “What do you want, War?”
WG makes a frame with his fingers to fit SG inside of as he answers “Wondering how a waif like you plans to throw her weight around.”
SG's eyebrows furrow in mild agitation as she looks down at herself, her shadow on the wall inspecting her own body at this remark as SG finally turns around to ask WG to his face “Are you implying something?”
WG steps aside from the window frame and extends an arm out gesturing at the collateral “Nope, just admiring your handy work.”
SG's mild agitation hasn't subsided as she turns away from War once more “I wouldn't have fought if Phorisolis left my champion alone.”
It's WG's turn to roll his eyes “See, that is what confounds me. Champions come and go. You could find another one in less than a day, especially with your power now. Honestly, this attachment of yours is so... ungodly."
SG says nothing, but her balled up fist tells him he's getting to her already. If WG's smug grin were a star it'd be going super nova. "I mean really, why him? It's almost as if you were...”
SG's flush gives War all the answers he needed as he coyly holds a hand to his face “Oh dear. I hadn't realized-”
“Shut up.” SG still has her back turned to War.
War goes on, he knows he has her hooked now. “I mean, as far as animals go, they’re interesting creatures, and their passion admirable, even enough for a one night stand.”
“Shut up.” SG has stood up and turned around to face War now, marching over to him.
War's smug levels are approaching critical mass now “But to be so depraved as to grow attached, or even infatuated with a mortal? I mean they are, inside and out, so ugly-”
*SMACK*
SG had cleared the distance between them instantly to slap War across his smug face, but War doesn't even so much as flinch as the goddess howls at him.
“HOW DARE YOU!”
War smile fades as he calmly grabs SG by the neck with one hand in a choke hold and lifts her off the ground, a hold SG can't break free from even with her shadows clawing at War's hand.
War raises her up to his face.
“Watch yourself, girl. You may be strong now, but I am stronger. I still run this kingdom.”
He then drops her to walk away before smiling coyly
"And do keep your emotions in check. They only make me stronger."
As he leaves her house, his smile fades as his cheek still stings from the slap. He lifts a hand to his face to feel the bruise setting in followed by an aside glance of contempt at SG who is still knelt on the ground holding her throat.
Replies:>>418547
>>418545
Works for me. There's a few past-present tense things to change, but that's nothing major.
All the stuff that I really liked when I was re-working the exchange is still in there, so I have no complaints.
I think this particular exchange was one of yours initially. It's hard to remember after so many revisions.
Replies:>>418548
>>418546
I know War putting together SG loves her champ to the lifting by neck was mine.
You think we should add a quick line from Wars interaction with Looma to have him brought up to speed on SG's love problem?
The only other thing I would say is the side char dialogue feels a bit flat, but we're filling the issue with Cole centric stuff, so I wouldn't know how to spruce it.
And maybe a small convo at the end for War's armoring up.
Other than that, this was the smoothest read through.
Replies:>>418549
>>418547
Do you mean add a line between War and Looma before or after the slapping?
Or rather, do you want War to have already known about SG's infatuation before their talk?
The implication being either War already knew and he was just being a jackass, or he didn't know and that really was when he figured it out (which is how it currently is).
Replies:>>418550
>>418548
I was assuming he already knew, giving his grinning. Did he not?
That particular line would've been handled by me differently if that wasn't the case.
Replies:>>418551
>>418549
He did not know.
I'm trying to figure out what you meant by
>You think we should add a quick line from Wars interaction with Looma to have him brought up to speed on SG's love problem?
So is War telling Lomma about it or something else?
Replies:>>418552
>>418550
If he was supposed to figure it out there, the extra line wouldn't be needed there, as that was meant to contextualize how he knew.
INSTEAD, let's fix up that line.
>SG says nothing, but her balled up fist tells him he's getting to her already. If WG's smug grin were a star it'd be going super nova. "I mean really, why him? It's almost as if you were...”
>SG's flush gives War all the answers he needed as he coyly holds a hand to his face “Oh dear. I hadn't realized-”
I feel that gives a "I knew it and that it would embarrass you" vibe, rather than discovery, which set up with genuine confusion, followed by laughter.
>>418551
So he already knew before asking and you want to add in another scene between War and Looma somewhere to show War being informed about this by Looma?
Replies:>>418555
>Right. Let's see what I can come up with on the fly. It's going to be rough since it is late.
This rough I can dig. Shows that the gods are all gathered and, supposedly, behind whatever his plan is, without needing text.
Most I can say is maybe have the drum god play the drums, maybe have the him and his family together.
Replies:>>418556
>>418553
So the first minor tweak.
High above, Donyoru has begun to beat the drums of war as the War God strides through the city. The other gods part to let him through, it had been centuries since they last saw that look upon his face. His stride turns more into a march as he approaches Loomappera's fitting room. With an eager smile, the clothing goddess pulls the curtain hiding her show room to reveal the glistening new armor she had crafted. He steps up onto the fitting pedestal, his arms extended out to either side as the armor is slowly sealed around his torso with a heated hiss. War's smug grin is in full force, teeth showing like an animal about to take the first bite out of its prey.
What else needs adjusting with this?
Replies:>>418557
>>418555
Nothing really, this kinda works on it's own.
I did want to put a scene where the gods try and dogpile SG, but that doesn't need to be here, per say.
Replies:>>418560
>>418556
My only concern with such a scene is that it would break the flow.
The only place it can be is when War is going down and before SG grabs /co/le. I don't really want to give her too much focus right then and there until /co/le is with her.
Replies:>>418561
>>418557
That's what I was thinking would be a good place.
The least intrusive, really.
Replies:>>418562
>>418560
I dunno. I just don't want to give SG a solo fight scene again, especially if it's super one-sided.
Maybe it would work better when she's showing /co/le the doll house she stuck them all in and mentions it then.
What's your take on the idea itself? You say they dog pile her, but do they actually all try to jump her all at once?
Replies:>>418563
>>418561
Nothing big, mostly just the mob looming over/ Breaking down SG's door, the most would be a dyynamic shot of SG reeling back in shock as the many gods jump at her. Maybe some narration form War stating some plan along the lines of "You guys distract her, I'll take care of the champion."
>>418562
You don't think that would take away from the whole flaming chariot entrance if a scene like that was put before it? I can think of some ways it could work.
Like the mechanics of it. They jump her, she sinks into her shadow, her shadow becomes a cage with them in it, etc.
I'm really trying to figure this out, but something about this just feels like it knots up the pacing. Like it feels superfluous. Like it's setting up some big fight scene, but there's no real payout for it and it takes away from War's entrance.
Maybe I'll have some better takes on it in the morning.
I think I've come up with something!
So, after /co/le is pulled into the god city and he sees the wreckage SG can put on a shadow puppet show of what happened while explaining it.
How does that grab you?
Replies:>>418597
Re-posting the current working revisions here.
Once more /co/le is pulled up through the atmosphere and dropped in the middle of SG’s room.
He’s none too happy about it as he begins to exclaim “Are you serious!? This is NOT the best time for another round-”
But his anger is cut short upon noticing the wreckage of his surroundings. Where there should be marble columns draped with foliage there are instead collapsed walls revealing cratered roads, a fountain spilling a river of wine and, most unsettling, no other gods in sight.
After processing what looks like the aftermath of a war zone, /co/le's eyes finally come to rest upon his goddess. She’s not trying to pose seductively or drooling over him, rather she's sitting with her face propped up in her palms, nervously tugging her hair, deep in thought. Her shadow is next to her in the fetal position.
/co/le asks "What happened here?"
SG's posture doesn't change, but in the flickering firelight, her shadow shifts over to a still standing wall while taking the form of a smaller SG observing her viewing portal as she begins to explain.
SG: "Before War went off to attack your studio, he made the others attack me."
Her shadow forms a giant many limbed silhouette creeping up on and surrounding the miniature shadow of SG. One of the limbs strikes, taking on the form of the God of Drums, followed by one after another rushing towards SG's shocked looking silhouette. As the shadows pile creating an indistinguishable blob, a giant shadow of an arm comes down from above to smash the pile flat with its fist. As the arm lifts back up, the shadows of the fingers become jail bars with the other gods trapped behind them. Zooming out, the cage is now in the palm of shadow SG's hand as she places the shadow of a house on top of them.
With her shadow puppet show over, /co/le looks back at his goddess who is holding up a dollhouse now. She concludes "They're all in here now." She opens the roof to show him all the gods crammed inside, shrunken down. They don't react to the roof moving, almost as if they're not aware of anything outside the dollhouse. "After they tried to pummel me, I think they deserve a time out."
Replies:>>418598
>>418596
This looks fine for the most part. might need some work for the story. I know there should be few lines, but it still feels bare.
Replies:>>418600
>>418597
I'm trying to keep a brisk pace going since /co/le just got pulled out of the fight and he'd prefer to get back into is ASAP.
There will need to be more revisions to what comes after that to make it fit where it's being dropped into.
Replies:>>418601
>>418598
I see. In that case, it's fine.
What revisions do you think they need? like, do you think you see any places to shave down or cut out?
>>418600
What do you think of the current exchange between /co/le and SG when he's trying to convince her to send him back down?
Replies:>>418685
Cole guy here. Christ, trying to make time is really hard for some damn reason.
The hell did I miss?
Replies:>>418686
>>418684
You were saying in the thread that you wanted /co/le to say a thing when he throws his shield and I was saying that it wouldn't make sense to alert War to what he was about to do.
>>418685
Alright. I think my thought process was it showing he was gung ho on the idea the shield was magical or something.
Well, outside that, that's all I can think of for issue 10. Gonna note what I might not cotton to for issue 11. Hope to have a bit of a list sometime tomorrow afternoon.
Lily and Marigold girls
Have some more Colette.
Replies:>>418715
And of course the thing I thought wouldn't last the afternoon takes up said afternoon.
>If the thread ends up gone by the time you're ready to pick back up, I guess we'll reconvene in the plus4chan thread like we usually do.
Last you mentioned there you couldn't think of anything else for issue 10, but that seems to have changed now.
I think it was more "I couldn't really think of anything to discern from that one bit of dialogue other than 'I feel it reads wrong."
So I'm trying the dialogue again, lemme know if it feels overdone or something
/Co/le starts leading SG to the view of the mortal world.
"You know plenty of people who appreciate you for you."
The view seems to follow /Co/le as it shows the people he lists off. SG begins to realize the truth of /Co/le’s words as he goes on.
C: "Skathi."
SG: "Hrmmm."
C: "The Director"
SG: "He did let me try my own acting."
C: "The Season girls."
SG: "They WERE nice."
C: "And they all looked at you as you. And right now War is planning to abuse them, or worse."
Replies:>>418716
>>418714
I see what you mean about the lines feeling a little off. It's small change, but it does read better like that.
Though
>And they all looked at you as you. And right now War is planning to abuse them, or worse.
feels off. I think it's the double "and".
Maybe
"Every one of them got to know you, not you as a goddess, you as a person. And right now War is trying to wipe them all out."
Replies:>>418717
>>418715
Yeah that's much better.
and then the actions fine. so I'm gonna start my quick read of the next issue
Goddammit! Pastebin just fucked us all over by making every "NSFW" paste marked as private.
Even my /co/le paste got marked under their shit new terms. I'm glad I long since moved it to google docs.
I have to track down so much /coc/ related text now. I'm glad I had backups of so much of it.
This is a shitshow and a half. Hopefully someone will actually care enough to acknowledge and engage when I'll be forced to bring it up in the next /co/ thread.
Replies:>>418757
And of course my break gets interrupted by shit. Sorry about that. We were just satrting #11, right?
On the off chance we are. just had a few looks at the initial lines
>The War God laughs even harder “You are a fool twice over! In this armor I am invincible!” and lands a powerful blow to /co/le’s face, but not enough to send /co/le flying.
I could go with this line just fine, but I just wanted to throw this line out as a alternative, calling Cole a "Fool amongst fools." as opposed to "fool twice over". But they're both meaning the same thing, so sticking to it is no skin off my bones.
>“You may be invincible, but I’m invulnerable. So even if your punches pack more power, they still don’t hurt me at all!”
May wanna shorten that. While correct, it's a bit long winded for a fight.
Replies:>>418759
>>418755
I think we were, but you might've said in one of the /co/ threads that you wanted to look over /co/le's convincing of SG again. I know some of that got changed, but not all of it.
I like twice over better since WG hasn't really called anyone else a fool in this instance. If he had called all of the mortals fools before then sure, but I don't recall him doing that.
"You're invincible? I'm invulnerable! I don't even feel your punches!"
Replies:>>418760
>>418757
Hmmmm, I did, didn't I? alright let me look at it.
Also, the shortening's good.
Replies:>>418761
>>418759
>"Or maybe you want the rest here, too?"
I feel like this is the main problem for me, it doesn't seem to naturally change tot he main point wants to make, in my opinion, naturally
"It might be because you want the rest of your freinds here, too."
Maybe that might make it read better?
Replies:>>418762
>>418760
Let's tie it back to SG's "Because you're all I ever wanted!" line then.
"Sounds like you want more than just me."
"More?"
Something like that?
Replies:>>418763
>>418761
Hmmmmmm. Reading it out loud seem to have it flow. I'll take it. That makes it work on my end, though I've been finicky about it before, so maybe you can give the edit a once over?
Replies:>>418764
>>418762
The problem might be with SG's line then.
/Co/le places a hand on SG's shoulder.
"And you think locking me up here would-"
SG: "No! I just panicked.” There’s a pause, but behind her messed up hair, she’s cracking a smile. “I feel bad now. You’re here, but it feels like something's still missing. Must be my upbringing popping up again."
C: "Sounds like you want more than just me."
SG stands there confused "More?"
A little better?
Replies:>>418765
>>418763
Yeah, that reads better. Have her think some"thing" is missing, not some"one".
Replies:>>418766
>>418764
Are we moving into issue 11 now, or is there still more to do with the end of issue 10?
Replies:>>418772
New semester started, so wasn't able to save the thread, sorry about that.
>The key takeaway is that the armor cripples you if it is removed. /co/le, Skathi, the Seasons Girls, they all need to hear that line to make sense of what to do later.
>"Invincible armor comes with a price, and removing it means it's time to pay up. Don't worry, I'll put all your divine power to good use."
Hmmm. Not bad, but feels like that might not make it obvious it works on anyone wearing the armor. I'd throw in this as a line, but it would mean adding a little more to War's line.
WG: “What- what is happening to me?! What's wrong with this Armor?!”
"The armor gives it's wearer a stasis of their current being, bruises and all, and once removed drains the wearers power directly to it's creator."
The steam forms into a ball that takes shape, a feminine shape.
"No, War, I believe the armor is working as intended.
That sound good? might be a bit long, though.
Replies:>>418986
>>418771
I feel like we're hyper focusing on one line again and forgetting all the stuff that comes right before and after it since that stuff does cover a lot of what you seem to be trying to make this line about.
Now stripped of his armor, the War God stands there bare before them in naught but his under robes. /co/le and SG touch down on her shadow chariot to finish surrounding him.
WG: “You think this changes anything? I still have enough power to take on all of you!”
WG is notably breathing heavier now, steam is rising from him and he appears to be shrinking, losing muscle mass. His hair, once flowing, is frizzled and unkempt.
WG: “What- what is happening to me?!”
Now a frail, emancipated looking old man, he gets an answer from a new voice coming from the collecting steam rising off of him. “You poor deluded fool. I told you that the armor prevents you from taking any new damage so long as you wear it. However, it doesn’t stop unhealed wounds from being exploited.” The steam forms into a ball that takes shape, a feminine shape.
WG: “Looma! What is the meaning of this?”
Loomappera: “You're not wearing your armor." She waggles a finger at him like a mother scolding a child "Armor like that comes with a price. It keeps you from being hurt, but taking it off is the same as surrendering your power."
WG: “You… tricked...”
Loomappera: “I gave you exactly what you asked for, but don't worry, I'll put your power to good use.”
It's not really better than before. It needs to work with what's around it is the point I'm trying to make.
Replies:>>418984
On the off chance the other guy is paying attention to this thread, I'm gonna be leafing through the script, if he's willing to whittle on it again.
Replies:>>418985
>>418983
I'm willing to work on it, but like I said, it's kinda hard to notice when anyone posts in this thread since it doesn't bump anymore.
I didn't notice your post until just now.
Replies:>>418986
>>418984
I see what you mean. Had to search for a rss reader to get around that.
Anyways, looks like we were on Loom revealing she was the secret big bad, right?
Replies:>>418988
>>418986
>It needs to work with what's around it is the point I'm trying to make.
I'm having trouble remembering what was "around" this part. I thought the focus was mainly on Cole, War, and Loom.
Replies:>>418989
>>418987
I think after each time we come back to this after a few months, we should just re-read the issue from where the pass editing note is at in the doc.
Because I'm also having trouble remembering exactly what it was you wanted to change.
I think the main hangup right now is how Loom describes what happens when you take the armor off.
"Armor that powerful comes with a steep contract. Taking it off is the same as admitting defeat and that means surrendering your power."
Is that clearer that the armor's rules don't only apply to WG?
Replies:>>418991
>>418988
Well shit, hate to drop like that.
I think that should cover it. Straight to the point.
Not really seeing much to nit pick on the rest of the issue, dialogue wise. Gonna spend the night going through a bit of the next issue.
>>418989
When you have stuff to say on it, just post it.
I'm just saying this if you were waiting for another reply from me before doing it.
Need some artistic inspiration/feedback/etc on a new costume for Audrey Page in the I Know A Guy setting. I'm not sticking with the default one because I don't like it.
Current gallery of attempts:
https://imgur.com/a/uSmXoTq
Replies:>>419013
>>419010
This looks kind of Greek to me.
>>419011
Top corner ones look like Robin, the rest look like she's trying to be a magical girl or got her pants caught on a fence and abandoned them.
I don't really know what you're going for with any of these or what kind of plans you have for her in that setting.
If it's in something outside of her own continuity, what does she have to work with?
Apologies that I started this discussion here rather than the designated GG or IKAG threads, this thread is the one linked from the /coc/ threads proper. Can posts be moved to other threads or do you have to repost them manually?
>>419012
>This looks kind of Greek to me.
Like a toga? The yellow dress makes her look more like a 60's pop idol or a Wacky Races character, I think.
>I don't really know what you're going for with any of these or what kind of plans you have for her in that setting.
>If it's in something outside of her own continuity, what does she have to work with?
I want to write a good IKAG story with Audrey that brings out her interesting qualities, even if she reads different compared to regular GG. Something I can use as a framework for future stories she has an appearance/part in. I'll post the pastebin link in the IKAG thread.
I want to ask if it's fine to change a character's appearance. I was following the "community toy chest" idea but I thought it would've been insensitive for the original creator of the character and those who worked on it.
I'm wondering how /coc/ characters are categorized from A to D list.
Like for sure characters like GG, Ladybug, /co/le, /co/lette, /co/nrad would be A-listers. Would characters under the miscellaneous page of the wiki be the D-listers?
Replies:>>419061
Posting the Halloween costumes of Faggot Tree, Pussy Willow, and Venus Fly Trap dressed as Plantium Pojke, Pin Prick, and Side Step, with Maw and Jaw as Cerberus and a vampire with googly-eyes.
So here we have a Halloween picture of our evil trees on their way to the Sageworth Society Halloween Party, Faggot Tree dressed up as Platinum Pojke with his outfit quite literally just painted on, he is ready to make every big-dick joke in the book and flirt.
Venus Fly Trap refused to go as Shezow this year, found a trashed red hoodie and figured it was the perfect year to go as that one villain from a comic he read before, Side Step. VFT cobbled together a mask out of an old paper plate, crayon, and a string. Faggot Tree even allowed him to wear shorts. He is wearing it over his normal outfit that's unable to be removed and unfortunately VFT's hair cannot be contained by a mere hoodie but he can't see how it looks anyhow and he's ready for some tricks...
Poor Maw wanted to be a group cosplay as Cerberus the three-headed hellhound but Jaw really wanted to be a vampire with googly-eyes this year.
Pussy Willow wanted to be a couple costume with Faggot Tree, but he got her a Pin Prick costume instead of a character related to Platinum Pojke because he wanted a bunch of pictures of Venus his cute little costume. She had to cobble together three different sizes and sew it on to fit. The hip patches were clearly made with human skin in mind, not trees...
Posting the Halloween costumes of Lustbane, Holi, and Death Nellie as Rocker Billy, Golden Gril, and Bronze Buster.
The main story takes place 2 weeks into the future when every hero team all teamed up into a big international organization. The Halloween bash was after the team-up but before the (alleged) defeat of the Sageworth Society. As a prequel to the main story, these three barely know each other as coworkers but did coincidently dress up in the same theme and the International Heroes Halloween Bash.
Lustbane recently changed his diet and exercise routine to get a more masculine look and finally was confidant enough to pull off the comicbook character Rocker Billy in a way that didn't look like he was a crossdressing chick. Even though weapons were banned, Lustbane refused to part with his beating-cane and turned it into a guitar prop to get it through security. It came in in handy when a drunk dressed as Roller Betty attempted to flirt with him.
Holi decided that with her petite nature a costume as the classic girl wonder Golden Girl was perfect! But she didn't want top go as the vanilla censored version, she was going as the big-chested version that was discovered in the 80's to have been painted over for years due to censorship. Her costume wouldn't have looked right if she used a pillow inside the outfit, so two balloons taped to the chest it was!
Death Nellie has a massive head of hair but she always tries to see just how many shorter hairstyles she can mimic, and this year it was the Golden Guardian sidekick Bronze Buster. She could only find a cheap outfit that wasn't really correct and didn't come with the shoes or gloves but it was still recognizable enough with her normal gloves rolled down and slapped on some orange bracelets.
Replies:>>419071
>>419059
ok, I know what a faggot (a pile of sticks tied together) and a venus fly trap is, but, what is a pussy willow?
Replies:>>419076
I'm working on a history of /coc/ from 2006 - 2021. Is this something anyone would be interested in?
>>419075
Yeah, I would.
You should look in the /coc/ archives of plus4chan, we still have things like the original Colette thread there.
>>419076
The old old archives and the old archives have been big resources for me over the past decade. I was looking through them thoroughly when first populating the wiki back in 2012-2013.
I have the first draft of this thing written, but I'm going to say upfront that it is only my biased observations based on whatever archives I have access to or had access to at some point and what I've been personally witnessed to.
>>419076
I'll post the link here as well.
https://the-conservatory.fandom.com/wiki/A_History_of_/co/_Creations
You know, the developers of plus4chan have probably been around /coc/ since it became a board here. What do you guys remember?
Big news. Old archive found.
Threads from as far back as 2007. Original J/co/ creation threads, original Hazel thread, all sorts of old threads, but no images at all.
https://old.sage.moe/
Replies:>>419407
>>419404
aaah, I believe the source was "4chan_threads_archive_10_billion" from Archive.org. It had text AND xml files. Nice to see that someone converted it to Foolfuuka.
There's another "4chan archive.7z" somewhere up there, with images, but it seems to be mostly 2008-2012 threads and it's all html saves from a browser, not the MySQL/xml dumps of the 10 billion dump.
can anyone list /coc/ characters shorter than /co/nrad?
so far the people i can list in the puny part are:
- Ladybug
- Venus Fly Trap
- Poison Dart
- Cheshire Cat
- Shark Lass
- Diving Belle
i might get the height of some characters wrong, so some of them can be omitted from the list
>>419437
oh i was actually thinking like visibly shorter. probably only up to /co/rad's shoulder
7/24/2022's thread is going to be made late because I'll be out of town that morning.
Unless someone else makes it in my place.
>>419436
- Holi
- Lustbane
Death Nellie would be about Colette's height.