>Howard: It's all over! In a heated race across the world, the Fake Santas come out on top! The crowd and the contestants are going wild! >Kreese: This will be truly scary Christmas this year! But given all the things that happened this year, that isn't saying much. >Howard: Congratulations Jack Skellington and The Grinch! You both are now the winners of the 2020 Tag Team Tournament!
>>434483 Thanks for nominating them, and thanks to everyone who voted for them early on. If it wasn't for you guys, I wouldn't have watched it and enjoyed it just a few days ago. Nice job on the pic, too.
>Howard: One last time we will be taking questions! Once midnight EST comes we will be shipping back home! >Kreese: We'll be on this platform in the North Pole bar answering questions. Those of you who order us a drink get top priority.
Santa here again to say congratulations to the Fake Santas. You did a gre- eh what’s that? Oh for the love of all I told you I don’t where Mao Mao is, now leave or- what are you doing? Wait don’t shoot that at me please don’t do- AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
>>434480 >"Wow, I did NOT see that coming! The real Mr. Klaus is a real tough competitor, and he and Jesper were both such nice, jolly guys I kinda hate to see them lose." >"Still, Jack and Grinch made a great team! Couple of classics for the holidays there, and I bet a lot of people are happy to see them win. I know I am!" >>434516 >"Huh, Santa? Are you okay, what was that noise?!"
MINIONS! You have done well to see to it that the Grinch and his skeletal cohort emerged victorious in the ultimate race of the Tag-Team Tourney. Though his heart did grow three sizes, I can never fail to appreciate someone with all the tender sweetness of a sea-sick crocodile, with garlic in his soul and where his heart was once an empty dark hole!
Now, all that's left to do is pick up the remains of my Cocoon, rebuild, and plot for Mr. /co/ 2021, where my vengeance will strike you all with all the terrible force of a hurricane! But, for now, Henchmen... I guess we can all enjoy the holiday just a little.
>>434543 Wow, that's a lot of cum. Its perfect for the new cum powered-laser gun that I've been building this entire tournament. I didn't tell anyone because I'm an asshole.
>>434535 Speaking of Megamind. He keeps trying to push his shit into everyone's mouths so I think I'll try some of it to see just what the Hell he sees in it. >Picks up shit and licks it Not bad, it tastes kind of like an ice cream sandwich if ice cream sandwiches came out of peoples asses
>>434498 Oh what fun it's been to write and record for you all during this week and change. I hope you've all enjoyed listening as much as I have been making it, since I can't wait for next year. See you soon, folks!
>>434576 Moving on then. *The airborne drones and the big scrap bot progress toward the detectives. Laser fire rapidly strikes the ground at their feet while the towering machine at ground level prepares to swing one of its arms toward them.*
>>434582 He kind of lost momentum after his round 2 loss. Though, he was definitely the villain of rounds 1, 5, the final and now probably the after party. It's sort of a toss up between him, Ramses and Batkek. Who's more of the Big Bad over the other is up for debate.
>>434551 >"Heh, funny you should mention that, Skinny Santa was the one who went with me to where I got your Christmas gift. Al thought it was a bad idea to go out in Hell alone and I didn't want to spoil the surprise." >>434570 >>434571 >>434563 >>434557 >"AND he saved Santa from the terrorists! He's really earning that title today!"
>>434589 >With that, I mainly meant that I want to wrap up the arc. Whether or not you want to finish it tonight is up to you guys but I would like to see a conclusion with Sandy Claws being freed from Dick's clutches before the 23 leftover hours are up.
>>434608 Now, I know that the detectives already told me to fuck off, but with you trying to destroy the multiverse, it would interrupt the wedding. So I'm going to rip your lungs out of your dickhole and then go get some waffles, that ok? >Suddenly numerous tentacles sprout from Zone-Tan's back and launch at Batkek
Two racers blazed through the freezing fields of Earth's northern ice cap. The wind leapt towards them in great bounds while flakes of frozen water clung to any skin unfortunate enough to be left exposed. In short, it was chilly outside. Weird elf magic could raise the temperature to habitable levels, but it still needed to be cold enough for snow. (Thank Mr. Ten Below for that.) In one sleigh was the delivery duo, Jesper and Klaus. The other held two not-so-merry gentlemen with a habit of playing dress-up, Jack Skellington and the Grinch. The pairs shot venomous glances at each other, half-hearted glances that said "I'll do anything to win, but this is all in good fun." But when there is good fun and a reward to be earned, there are those who covet it for themselves. On this windy night, the white snow falling from above mixed with particles from another source. Ones that were bluer. Shinier. Fluttering moreso than their companions. At the head of this trail, an orange blur. ---------- The mechanical monstrosities swarmed the formerly peaceful snow-capped village. Dick's monstrosities, of course. Kind of a dick move on his part, but I suppose it would be foolish to expect anything else from him. His target was simple: one feline detective and his fox companion. Any collateral damage was just icing on the cake. And the damage was certainly collateral. The machines spent more time destroying each other than they did hunting down competitors. In his booth, The Announcer sat. He had propped his chair against the door as a flimsy barricade. It was unlikely to help much, but some protection was better than no protection. "Folks, I don't want you to worry about any of the noises you might here in the background. It's nothing that big, the celebration is just getting a little rowdy." He removed the headset and began speaking to himself. "Fuck. Fuck! Can we go one day without this shit? Can we have a normal race for once?" The audience could hear every word. ---------- It's Vriska. No use hiding it, it's fucking Vriska. I've been building this shit up since Round 4. Enhanced by the power she obtained from Wilkins and Star's wand, she was ready to make her first and last move. Cause if your first move doesn't get the job done, why bother? Her eyes darted downward to the track. Looks like the North Pole Express had a comfortable lead. She dove downward, clinging to the back of their sleigh. All she had to do was tag along until they reached the finish line. Then she could stop the sleigh and stroll comfortably into 1st place, and claim whatever boons came packaged with it. Then she did something really stupid. Yeah, the whole plan was incredibly stupid, but this was especially stupid. "Yeah, take me to the finish line 8a8y!!!!!!!!" Jesper handed the reins to Klaus and rose from his seat to see what the hell that noise was. And what should he find but a gray-skinned girl squatting on his sleigh. Luckily, he was prepared for such an event. He reached back into his seat and retrieved a VERY LARGE AND IMPOSING stick, which he used to prod at the unwanted guest. Vriska didn't take too kindly to this. But hey, that's what the wand was for, right? She took aim and blasted the long instrument of proddage out of Jesper's hand, flashing a shit-eating grin all the while. On the opposing sleigh, not much was happening. I don't know what we're doing here. Jesper had had just about enough of this shit. The Fake Santas were catching up, and he didn't come this far to lose because someone he didn't know decided to give his sleigh some extra weight. "Mush, doggy! Hahahahahahahaha!" Fuck this. "Klaus, stop the sled." Klaus looked at him funny. Jesper stared back with one of those determined looks tough guys give when they're real serious about shit. Klaus nodded, then slowed the sleigh to a standstill. Vriska's expression turned from confusion to shock to rage in the span of a few moments. She leapt from her perch to the front end of the sleigh. "Hey dipshits, are you gonna race or what?" She was met with silence. "T8ke me to the finish line! What are you doing? The other team just passed you, do you want to lose?" Still nothing. Hey face twitched in frustration. The Announcer was losing his shit at this point, mostly saying "holy fuck it's vriska". "Th8t's 8t! I didn't w8nt to h8ve to use this!" She cast aside her wand. It wasn't good enough for those two. From her pockey she received the Flourite Octets, a set of 8 8-sided die which would grant her power in combat. And since she had allllllll the luck, it would grant her allllllll the power. It was over in an instant. No she didn't kill Jesper and Klaus, I mean the race was over. Jack and the Grinch crossed the finish line, and their victory was shouted from a conveniently-placed loudspeaker. "The Fake Santas are the winners of the 2020 Tag Team Tournament!" Vriska screamed towards the sky in inarticulate anger. ---------- A half hour later, the racers feasted in the significantly damaged dining hall. The skeleton and unidentified green creature shared a seat at the very end of the table with the runner-ups seated next to them. And next to them, a bound and gagged Duo of Vriska and Dick that nobody wanted to acknowledge. And nobody did. And everybody was happy. "Well, I believe that wraps up just about everything. I don't think we'll ever have another year quite like this, for better or for worse. I suppose there's only one thing left to say. This is your announcer, for the final time... ...signing off!"
>>434569 So, uh...Does every one of these things normally end in something a robot army battle at the North Pole or is year's race stranger than normal? Not that I don't mind all the death, but... just asking.
>>434623 I'm not sure it was ever valid, I think it was pure "arrange blocks by color and size" autism. The stronger team isn't always the canon one. It's certainly easier to back when there's established interaction between the two, but it's not the end all be all.
>>434634 Damn man, I just wanted to erase the dark part of my family history and how I have erectile disfunction and aids. This couldn’t get any worse, at least I still have that Krampus guys Christmas energy
>>434569 >"Oooh, candy's good!" >"Wait... like, normal human candy right, not that special Hell candy?" >>434605 >"Not to mention congratulate him on winning the race. Wonder if this means he's in charge of present duty this year." >*looks up at mistletoe* >"Hey, look at all that... Mr. Pines didn't have something to do with THIS too, did he?"
>>434703 Ahahaha Quake mortals for now I have the full power of Primus at my side I Galvatron am God I am- >Suddenly Galvatron's body starts being destroyed WH- WHAT HOW COULD THIS BE? I AM A GOD I AM ALL POWERFUL I AM GALVATRON
>>434704 What I mean is, like you got a lot of options. You're like a terrifying half-demon thing who can shapeshift and teleport and kill for funsies. That's fucking awesome! It's like Mao Mao ignoring Godzilla! Jack is fucking stupid, Ashi!
>>434702 Get out Don! Can't you see this is a private conversation?
Oh ho, you voters sure crack me up! I believe there were some complaints regarding the lack of a clear race theme for this tourney was there? Remember all the way back in Round 1? When I had some of the vehicles' engines tampered with, almost got some people killed. Those were fun times, weren't they? But then it seemed a confusion had set in. The fun seemed to lag. And suddenly, it wasn't about the racing anymore, but who raped who, who got who pregnant, why does Megamind like to eat excrement, when will these pointless OP battles stop, what's with the undead in Peru? Well maybe this could have been avoided IF I DIDN'T LOSE IN ROUND FUCKING TWO! TWO! SERIOUSLY!? THE ONLY REAL RACER OF THIS WHOLE BLOODY RACE THEMED TOURNEY AND I LOSE IN ROUND TWO!? So, I hope you all understand why I have to rectify the error of me losing. >>434715 Oh, I wouldn't act so rash, Mr. Skellington. I have some insurance!
>>434739 Honestly. +4 may not have all the bells and whistles of 4chan, but it's a better environment and Black Hand is based. The literal only downside is lower turnout, which is more fixable than faggot jannies.
>>434730 Well that's pretty clever of you Mr. Dick Dysfunctiony if it wasn't for the fact that I was going to get married. So I'm afraid I can't let you do this. >Zone-Tan fires a cum blast out of her hand and knocks the remote out of Dick's hand
>>434740 Ignore the fucking button! What I mean to say is dammit I lose friends by not being honest so I'm going out on a limb and being honest. Ashi, you are terrifying murderous being made of black goo and human skin. Never in my life have I met a person like you and I've lived with murders, dammit. Ashi, I like you. Go out with me.
>>434740 This, my dear is called a detonator. And if the button is pushed on it, someone goes bye bye! >>434747 Oh, please! Out of all the rules I broke, I'm sure naughty language is the least of them! >>434761 Ugh! Oh, hold on. I've got a spare. >>434764 The detonator, bonehead! And if I don;t get what I want, then every single child in the world will have their last and worst Christmas ever!
>>434747 Pfeh! At least Chris had sharper hearing!
>>434773 I didn't say you were wrong about that bit, Dastardly!
At the /co/mmittee, we're always prepared for blowback whenever some cryers come in with their new losses! But snatching up Santa and threatening his life is another level of immaturity, I must say! You're really that much of a baby crumb over a tournament you could win next year?
>>434747 >"S-sorry again! It was a total misfire, I was just trying to intimidate not maim!" >>434749 >"Oh, Mr. God! You're not all blue and shirtless anymore! You gave up your power?" >>434777 >"It's definitely gonna be a good one this year! So, candy and drinks over by the bonfire?" >"Also trips!" >>434746 >>434768 >>434781 >"What the... JENNY?! NO!" >"WHY! It's like Death himself is racing in this tournament, he keeps following us!"
>>434700 >>434709 >>434769 >>434777 S: Heh. Attaboy, kid. Merry Christmas, Jack. K: Who the halibut are you talking to, man? It's your turn to steer the vessel. And get rid of that blasted phone! S: Haha, sure thing, buddy.
>Stan stuffs the Master Surveillance SCAMdroid into the duo's 19th century self-defense cannon, then fires it miles away from their undisclosed location, deep into international waters
>>434803 I never win these tournaments! Whether I cheat, whether I play fair, whether I try to kill the racers after losing already! So forgive me for resorting to kidnapping a jolly old fat man, and strapping a bomb on him! >>434809 Excellent! Put a bullet in his head if these fools try anything! Actually, double tap him! >>434811 Oh, you won't be doing that you sick degenerate! Not if you value Santa's life and the happiness of children everywhere!
>>434805 Nope, Galvatron took the allspark piece out of me and tried to use it to give himself godhood. As you can see, that ended pretty poorly for him. As for me, while I'm sad that I'm not a god anymore, I'm satisfied with how things turned out anyways.
>>434690 Oh, come on, Alastor buddy, I got enough from the kid trying to get me singing, I don't need anymore convincing. Ah, you want to hear a real beauty, should get the Mrs. out here for a song. Will BLOW, YOU, AWAY my friend, she's got the voicebox of an offspring between an angel and Celine Dione.
Shit, pass me some eggnog, I'm getting in the spirit.
>>434775 Thanks Pip. You know uh, with all these festivities going on lad I, actually have a bit of a confession to make. Your accent was pretty familiar to me when we first met and well, I think I finally remembered where I heard it before. Henchman 44...
>>434768 >>434746 >>434781 ....HAH! Well done, Moon Knight! Here I was thinking your usefulness would end once I learned the mystery of the train that destroyed my Cocoon, but here I have yet another boon thanks to you!
One of the only three Ms. /co/'s in the world has been destroyed! All I need now is to get rid of the asterick, and then my wife's dominion over the realm of /co/ will be absolute!
>>434819 So it appears that you strapped a bomb to Santa huh? Well normally that would be an ace in the hole, but too bad it won't help you since there's already someone here who can diffuse bombs, someone who no one but me could see the good in. YO COOMER GET OVER HERE!
>>434844 Do you see Mr. Schlick Bastardly, you've already lost. The very second Coomer arrived, I sensed his immense potential to do great things and was baffled at how no one could see his greatness. And now that he's diffused your bomb, it seems like you're all out of options, and all shit out of luck. >Tentacles begin wrapping around Dick Dastardly
>>434812 >"AH! But I thought Blacksad, Moon Knight, Pip, and the others killed all the Black Lanterns during the Battle of Peru!" >>434813 >"Definitely, it's been a long day! But... do you think you'll be able to fix up Jenny first? I think it'd be a bit of a downer to party while she's all shot-up and broken." >"If only people were as easy to fix as robots." >>434820 >"Well, sorry you had to lose out on it all, but I think it might be for the best. You were kinda going a little mad with power at the end. Plus you still look pretty good even without it!" >"Also, congratulations on taking the bronze! That has to feel good, huh?" >>434838 >"T-thanks... REALLY sorry about that again, of all the people I would want to shoot around here you are very close to the bottom." >"Also, thanks for, you know... not broadcasting it on the radio to everyone again. It was nice!"
>>434840 >>434843 The title! Victor of Tag Team 2020! I don't care about not making the finish line! Have you seen how fast the Mean Machine is!? I should get the award for that alone! >>434842 And how exactly do you plan to do that!? Don;t forget, dog, gun, hostage! >>434848 Thanks, and who cares? Neither of us work for him anymore. >>434852 Yuck! *Kicks at them*
We must make the definitive death list now. This is who I know died >Jon Arbuckle (revived) >Stephen Stotch >Danger Mouse >Zim >Gir >Samantha >Mr. Mumbles >Star Butterfly >Dan >Chris >Wilkins >Krampus (died twice) >Dr. Strange >Felix the Cat >Superman >Coconuts >Jenny
>>434856 True. You should still stop this ludicrous plot though just because you lost. You could’ve been the poor guys who didn’t even make it past around 1 but you weren’t. You know full well it could’ve been worse and yet you still decide to start this petty revenge plot.
>Howard: And with that, ends the Tag Team Tournament! This has been Howard "Buckshot" Holmes! >Kreese: And Kreese Kreely! >Howard: Saying thanks to all the contestants, viewers, and of course the tournament runners! You can catch us still announcing at the King of /v/ tournament! But for /co/ we'll see you all next year! >Kreese: And we'll see you in hell! >Howard & Kreese: Goodnight Everyone!